Does anyone know much about limerence or ever experienced it?

[OneOutOneIn]

It's something I've been reading about recently as I suspect I'm experiencing it with a particular evasive ex but I wonder if the truth is just to get a grip?

God I'm absolutely in the middle of this..

I met my LO years ago and thought him to be an arrogant shitbag of a man..

We've now been 'dating' for a year, he has an on/off gf. I can't believe I'm a confident, successful, independent woman and I'm resorting to picking up the crumbs he throws me.

He's 'off' at the moment with his gf and deciding what to do. He told me the other day that if it's definitely 'off' with her, he didn't want a relationship wtf am I doing still planning to meet him tomorrow for?? I swear I've gone insane! But I can't help myself waiting around 'just in case'

But I can't help myself

Yes, you can. You have to want to though.

Yes you're right.... What have done is made a decision, that if he goes back to her again, then its over. I'm absolutely resolute in that. It's not fair on me, and completely not fair on her either.

I'll tell him it's finished then I'll block, block, block

One week NC today

Been doing a lot of reading and research

It's going to be ok. I just need to seriously re-invest in myself, and regroup. This relationship is an assault on my body and soul and now it's time to figure out defending and protecting myself

to all

wtf am I doing still planning to meet him tomorrow for?? I swear I've gone insane! But I can't help myself waiting around 'just in case'

I met my LO the day after he was with another woman the previous night. He didn't even hide it. I should have said no, but when he said come and meet me I went along as asked.

This is what I have become.......

I saw mine last night and got completely sucked back in.. Had to give myself a good talking to today

Still waiting in his decision about his ex, part of me wants him to try again with her so I can tell him to 'get f*cked'

Hello again. I was on the thread back at the start but dropped off because I was actually finding it difficult reading...too much of it hitting too many raw nerves, I guess.

Quick recap...LO is an ex. My first love as it happens. That relationship was 20 years ago and we had no contact at all for pretty much all that time.

Last year, we met at an event. Within 20 minutes of meeting he declared that I was the only one for him,no other girl had ever measured up to me etc etc. I was in a fragile place emotionally due to difficulties in my relationship. I fell...hook line and sinker.

6 weeks of what I can only describe as an intense emotional affair ensued, culminating in us having sex. Once that happened, we knew we'd crossed the line and we had to back off. No contact was by mutual agreement. After a few months, we tried to meet as friends but it wasn't working for either of us. We agreed we needed to give each other space to move on. No contact resumed, and apart from the very occasional benign message (condolences on a bereavement, that sort of thing), no contact has been maintained.

All the while I've been obsessing about him.

Anyhow, the reason that I'm back now is because I got a message from him last night. It's no coincidence that this is one year to the day since we slept together. He wants to meet. I haven't replied yet but I've been awake for hours thinking about it. I know the answer should be 'no' but...

whatthe remind me, are you both in relationships, and, has he treated you badly in the past??

My update is that I've done something that I've never done before in the 14 years my LO has been in my brain

I've blocked him. On my phone/social media apps etc. He can't get to me now. There is huge sadness, but also an extraordinary sense of relief. It's like that feeling when you have a headache, and there's a radio on in the roomthat's not tuned to a signal buzzing loudly and whispering. Turn off the radio and the headache is still there but it's more manageable now...

I'm too old for his narc-y games. I'm done. I've decided to try to treat my feelings for him as if he were a movie star, feel them, laugh at myself a bit for having them, and return to my real life.

August is the month I'm devoting to myself and some serious self-care. Eat clean, no wine, exercise, and engage with the people around me.

Wish me luck, because I'll need it...... This is a huge step for me.

I am in a very long term relationship and have a DC. LO is single. He has never treated me badly. I ended our relationship first time round but then was a bit obsessive about him for 2-3 years before I met my now DP and moved on.

LO reappeared in my life 6 months into the recovery process after finding out that my DP had an intense emotional affair with a colleague. DP and I decided to stay together and work things out, have counselling etc but it's no surprise that when LO turned up declaring his undying love, telling me I was beautiful etc that I fell hard and fast because it was exactly what I wanted and needed to hear at that time. It was just coming from the wrong person.

I have replied to his message with a fairly non-committal 'maybe we could meet sometime'. I know...I know. I should have just said no outright. I'm just not ready to burn those bridges though. I'm still kidding myself that we have a chance of a normal friendship some time in the future.

I need an ounce of your strength, Tessa. Huge well done on blocking all forms of contact with your LO. You

Well I did it, finally told him it's over I honestly thought I was going to have a panic attack, I'm still a bit shaken now, but almost relieved too..

I'm not looking forward to tonight as I know my relief won't last long and i'll crash tonight. I'm allowing myself one night of wallowing and that's it.

Fingers crossed he doesn't come back on the charm offensive as I know I'll struggle with that

I have read this whole thread over the past few days and I'm sure I am having a problem with limerence too. It's a relief to find it's an actual thing and I'm not alone!
My story: Younger man pursued me for 2 years but I wasn't interested, happily married I thought. Eventually I started responding and affair ensued. He started cooling off and I realised I had a problem as started obsessing over how long between messages etc. I decided I needed to end it which I did. He was totally not bothered by this. Madness has continued for me.
Total NC isn't possible as we work together but on different floors so I can avoid seeing him in person mostly. I have been NC one week today.

Have spent that week checking when he's on whatsapp, looking at his profile pic and dreaming about him.
I don't know how this turned from him pursuing me and me being quite ambivalent towards him to this craziness.

I've been spending too much a lot of time reading about narcissism. It's helping me to start to untangle what happened to me, why it happened, and why I let it continue for as long as I did.

There's lots of good information out there and it helps to arm yourself with this knowledge.

Staying NC is the only cure.

Still no contact from mine since I ended it yesterday...

Social media is a killer and I know I should now block it all, FB, whatsapp, text the lot, but just not that strong just yet

I've also been reading up on Narcs and it does seem he has a lurid the traits which is maybe how they hook you in.

I know I've done the right thing, and know it's got to be perm but it's so frustrating

I feel so utterly ridiculous.

Stay strong Theblue.

This thread has helped hugely with maintaining NC the last few days as whenever I've been tempted I have just come on here to read a few more pages.
It's def a good distraction technique.

Social media is a killer and I know I should now block it all

This is very true - the internet generally. I read somewhere that if you trying to do no contact, it means no contact in all forms and it also means not google stalking them, looking them up on the internet social media etc. It also includes (and I wouldn't have thought of this) not talking about them -posting here would be included.

It's true though - I often find that if someone mentions him, or I bump into one of his friends or I have seen some info about him online that I have a relapse in terms of the amount of mental energy I spend thinking about him.

I mean I still think about him a lot of the time anyway. It's like he constantly resides at the back of my mind. But by relapse I mean the difference between operational "thinking about him"(so I am engaged in something else mentally) and non-operational "thinking about him" (the sort of obsessive thoughts that are right at the front of your mind and intrude above all else).

I'm NC and haven't spoken to him or initiated contact for well over a year. It's still the case that any kind of peripheral contact for me (including internet info) 99% of the time provokes non-operational thinking about him.

I feel so utterly ridiculous.

Welcome to the Club. We are all in that Club with you and all feeling ridiculous.

It sounds to me like a thread to dangle you on Broken just in case.
Why don't you block him on whatsapp instead?? Then he'll know you're not messing.

Today I arranged to go to lunch with a girl at work. When I met her in the lobby she told me we had to wait as LO was coming. My heart started going like crazy. I couldn't complain as she doesn't know anything. He then text her to say he couldn't come. Cue me feeling jealous he text her and wondering now whether he is avoiding me.
I'm glad I can put this all down here because I could never tell any of my friends.

Looks like he doesn't want you to see why he's up to on FB, broken but still wants the ability to contact you when he wants. That way you can't see other women he's toying with or contact them to compare notes.