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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Does anyone know much about limerence or ever experienced it?

669 replies

OneOutOneIn · 29/06/2015 19:26

It's something I've been reading about recently as I suspect I'm experiencing it with a particular evasive ex but I wonder if the truth is just to get a grip?

OP posts:
HarlettOScara · 05/08/2015 20:00

Keeping distance between you and the rest of his life is what I was trying to say there...very badly.

brokenhearted55a · 05/08/2015 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

laurierf · 05/08/2015 23:49

He could figure out how to block me on whatsapp easily

Maybe he's just forgotten all about you already and so it's not even entered his head to do it.

Sorry. Harsh. I know. Point is… ultimately it just doesn't matter. You're clever. You know this.

I read somewhere that if you trying to do no contact, it means no contact in all forms and it also means not google stalking them, looking them up on the internet social media etc. It also includes (and I wouldn't have thought of this) not talking about them -posting here would be included

As I said way upthread… the best and most brutal advice I got was from a friend who just cut me off when I was talking and said "stop talking about him now. Do not mention him ever again." It was a highly effective step.

brokenhearted55a · 06/08/2015 00:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brokenhearted55a · 06/08/2015 00:05

This reply has been deleted

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LetsTessalate · 06/08/2015 00:21

The more "other" stuff you can do to shake yourself out of it, the better. I've had a miserable, lonely, depressed few days.

I doubt that's the case for my LO. He lives a dream life, no real responsibilities, a spoiled, handsome rich kid.

No doubt he's picked up someone else already.

But he's in for a shock next time he goes to drop a little "hey baby" note to me...

I dragged my sorry butt to a really challenging yoga class tonight.
I did not drink any alcohol.
I will put in a good days work tomorrow.
I will be present in my own life.

Rinse and repeat.

FuckingFucketyFuckFace · 06/08/2015 06:57

pocketsaviour I could have written your exact post after a 5 year teen relationship ended with my then bf going off with my best friend. Not my finest hour. I was just so unbearably heartbroken and lost everyone, as they wanted to continue the relationship and were accepted by the friendship group, I couldn't accept it and therefore lost all my friends, shortly followed by the death of my father (within weeks). It was definitely some sort of psychotic episode that I never wish to repeat. I found out people were slagging me off behind my back calling me 'mentally unstable' but nobody at any point stepped in to offer any help or support.

Jenna333 · 06/08/2015 07:08

I haven't dared read this thread as I didn't want to admit this is me too.
Yep, I've dived in and I know I'm in this too.
A guy I should walk away from but can't. Following your progress with interest. Too upset to write anymore yet.

HarlettOScara · 06/08/2015 08:49

Jenna, you're in good company here. We all know what you're going through. You can let it out here when you're ready.

BadEgg · 06/08/2015 09:22

^I dragged my sorry butt to a really challenging yoga class tonight.
I did not drink any alcohol.
I will put in a good days work tomorrow.
I will be present in my own life.

Rinse and repeat.^

^^ This. Fake it till you make it.

brokenhearted55a · 06/08/2015 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thebluedog · 06/08/2015 13:48

Day 2 of no contact Shock

And would you believe it my appetite has returned and I'm not feeling sick Smile I've had no appetite for months..

I still feel unbelievably sad but I know it's the right thing to do. I'm just hoping he doesn't contact me as I'm sure my resolve would crumble, but he's also hurt me so much I simply can't allow myself to put myself through it any longer

Dogladyy · 27/11/2015 07:21

Wanted to bump this thread and see how the NC ladies were working out?

I never knew this term existed and it's been a real eye opener to read. Shock

Openup41 · 27/11/2015 07:56

I think I have experienced this. I was 17, naive, impressionable. I loved his confidence which was verging on arrogance. There was nothing special about him to look at - it was the way he made me feel. There was a buzz and excitement that I have not felt since. I would feel like fainting when he came near me.

He used me and I allowed it, picking up the scraps he threw. We were never in a relationship just casual sex whenever he was at a loose end. I was desperate for something more. The last straw was bumping into him at a club and him near enough ignoring me the whole night. He was too busy pouring champagne with a woman who was rather beautiful - much more so than me. I knew then that I meant nothing to him.

It seems wrong that you can be head over heels with someone but yet they can feel absolutely nothing for you. Such a painful experience.

crisisguy · 21/12/2015 17:14

I know limerence well, all too well. In fact so well, i started a support forum for people grappling with this condition. trust me, it is not fun being limerent. If you want more dedicated support and insight head over to limerence.net

ineedhelpnow · 21/12/2015 17:27

Do men ever suffer from limerence or is it mostly women?

CherryPicking · 22/12/2015 08:14

I'm definitely in the recovering addict camp. Told myself I'm over it, over her, I can handle 'one last hit'.

So, I tell myself, the object of the evening is to chat with anyone else and just leave her be. But I'm a grownup, I can handle it.

Sitting there, chatting to someone else. She's on the other side of the room - its all good. It's all good until she gets up and walks over. I think, as ever that she looks a bit rough. I'm sure she's thinking the same about me.

Then we made eye contact and I was back at square one. She came and sat down by my side and asked me whether I had 'any news' ( I assume she was asking whether I'd met someone new). Then she was softly, gently, telling me how she couldn't sleep; she wasn't eating properly; she hated her job; she wanted to escape. And of course, like a trained seal, my mind started running through all the well worn 'tricks': ways I could rescue her; I could 'see' her curled up next to me in bed, sleeping, after I'd massaged all troubles away. We'd cure each other with our soft, sapphic love. I snapped out of the fantasy long enough to realise we were at the bar and she was buying me a drink - something soft (naturally) and trying to persuade me to make it a proper drink. I declined. Then we were interrupted and later she made a swift exit. And like that, the shutters came down again and I was sort of bereft. Amazing how limerence had taken hold agaib in the space of a couple of hours. Haven't heard from her since, of course, becuase its all a big nothing to her. Amazing, really.

angieneri · 27/12/2016 17:29

This thread has been enourmously helpful. I feel like I am on the verge of limerance, but thankfully not fully in it yet.

The narrative is similar to what was mentioned many times upthread: he pursued me aggressively, then went hot/cold and lots of mixed messages.

I think that dynamic is the recipe for disaster (read: limerance). The initial stage of aggressive pursuing convinces you he really feels something special for you.

Then by the time you start reciprocating and he goes hot/cold, you just can't believe his strong feelings are not there anymore, so you start making up excuses for his hot/cold behavior. "He likes/loves me but he is busy/ he is stressed out/ he is afraid/ he is shy". You just can't accept that he is just not that into you.

I think I am still in time to cut contact and recover from this crazy crush before it evolves into a full-blown limerance. After reading this thread, I will definitely try harder to stop being such a pathetic twat when it comes about him.

angieneri · 27/12/2016 17:30

Sorry I did not realize I posted on a zombie thread. Feel free to ignore it if too old!

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