Ex partner telling me I should not be in contact

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Long story short - my relationship with long term partner ended around a year ago, at my instigation. We have one child. I did not behave well towards the very end (last couple of months) - allowing a friendship to become an EA then making this physical, once, after I had ended things with partner but before I moved out.

Ex is very angry with me, understandably.

I'm not going to justify my actions with a bunch of reasons why I was desperately, desperately unhappy.

So. I will need to remain in amicable contact with ex because of DC, he says I should not have any contact with the OM as a way of making amends for my behaviour. He feels I owe him this, and will not budge from this position.

I just don't think that it how it works. Am I wrong?

It may not be an excuse OP but its a bloody good reason.

handful - I'm sorry my story feels half baked. And that I didn't give every last bit in the OP - I suppose I feel as though a thread is a conversation of sorts, so other things prompt further explanation.

crustaway I think you got me mixed up with the other viv on this thread.

And I only said the bit about 'his stuff' as part of a thought about why it was taking him a while to 'get over' my behaviour. It isn't relevant.

Take no notice OP. Some people just like to be stroppy or make a "point" out of nothing.

I'm not sure what people can say if we're not sure about the current arrangements.

Apologies Vivacia

The current arrangements? Re housing/DC etc? I answered that I think Vivacia

Precisely my point Vivacia

crusts - I am far from stroppy.

OP - good luck

The current arrangements? Re housing/DC etc? I answered that I think Vivacia

Ok, fair enough. Good luck OP

handful - What arrangements? What is precisely your point?

I think the OP maybe feeling like shit due to the way things ended and doesnt feel she can really say what went on previously due to a lot of people doing this zero martyr intolerance/demonistion to having an affair and not wanting to listen to how or why it came about.

crusts - The OP is not saying how it came about, that's my point.

Leave you to it.

demonisation...

Yes, crustaway, that is exactly it.

Im saying it doesnt matter as surely it must seem to you that he was an arse? I can even smell it.

Well OP, you have my full support here.

Thank you crusts

I genuinely don't want to sound as though I am justifying my decisions to have an EA and then a one time physical affair. I thought I was better just sticking to the bare bones of the issue I am having.

I also think that sometimes an affair gives you the push needed to get out of a situation when nothing else will. No one owns anyone else. Stop beating yourself up about how or why OP. He's still trying to control you.

You're not showing remorse because you're not feeling remorseful. OM was a catalyst, not a cause. He needs to understand this,and get off your back.

You are not a bad person OP. Let some of these people walk in your shoes for a bit and maybe they wouldnt be so puritanical.

It was definitely a catalyst for me to end things.

BUt not the reason for it needing to end, if that makes sense?

X post What

I do feel remorseful that I allowed the end of my relationship to become such a car crash.

It makes total sense.

crusts - if you want to offer support for the OP then do so and stop insulting other posters.