Am I wrong to be really upset? tmi!

[mrsvindiesel]

I can't sleep and fighting back tears
my partner is snoring beside me, today for once he was feeling horny it seems as was sending me messages at work about what we should do later
it was nice for once as he never does this! but in reality it was awful
his ideas sounded great, bit porn-y but he is a bloke and I got caught up in the thrill of it I guess
when we actually got to bed it was all about him, god I'm sorry if this is far tmi but I have to be frank unless it doesnt make sense!
he wanted to kneel infront of me and me give him head so he was in control apparently, I let him but he was getting too into it I guess and kept choking me making me heave and like I couldnt breathe I felt panicked and wasnt enjoying it at all
In the end I grabbed him and pushed him off and turned over quietly crying to myself.
he did keep asking if I was upset and I said no I'm fine but it was obvious I wasn't as he said I was making him feel guilty and to stop it.
I dont know what to think or say now, maybe what ive put on here doesnt paint the picture to the full and sounds petty but it was awful
I lay and silently cried till he went to sleep, ive never had a sexual experience especially with someone thats meant to love me like that
please someone say I'm not overreacting I dont even want to look at him at the moment I feel so hurt

Thank you all your replies mean alot
I realise there are questions people have asked that I haven't answered and I'm generally just rambling on now but will look back through the thread when I'm home ( with a glass of wine in my hand ) and answer the ones I've missed
I do not want to speak to him tonight I cant face it and so glad hes not coming over I need to get things straight in my head before I face him

I find the most disturbing and indeed the saddest aspect of the whole thing is that he wasn't even looking at you and that you had to pinch him to get his attention. That is not someone who loves you. Please don't stay with him.

Are there any other aspects of your relationship where he is selfish and uncaring? I'm sure if you think about it there will be, I doubt his attitude is confined to just one area of your relationship.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, I really hope you decide to end the relationship.

no he wasnt looking at me he couldnt even see me he was lay on my face pretty much
yes there are other aspects I feel so stupid now ive started remembering stuff that only since this I should have seen as a warning sign I guess I dont really want to type them on an open forum though just incase he sees
I adored him I really did

has called when I got to work to ask am I out of my mood yet?! And that he cant deal with me moaning at him ( I haven't said a thing about it yet ) as his hayfever is playing up!

Bin him just for this - seriously

Haven't read all the replies but I guess they are much the same, please don't live with him, it wont help matters, you will just feel trapped.

I bet also he is into heavy porn usage and is incapable of being able to have a loving and considerate sexual relationship with anyone, and he's been abusing you the whole time, not just this time, it's just it's more hurtful. Go find yourself a nice man who wants to give you pleasure and make you happy, he will never do that for you.

You say the sex side of the relationship, the sex is a massive part of it, if that don't work, nothing else will.

Hugs, mrsvindiesel.

I think most guys get off watching their partners give them head. The fact that he wasn't even looking at you is sad, to him you were just a thing to be used, not a woman that he loves.
The fact that he didn't care that you were upset and hurt is a big red flag.
Please don't buy a house with him.

So bloody what if he sees this thread? What a right showing up for him. Only have the one glass won't u! Just to chill out x

You need to get the ball moving on stopping the house move. See a solicitor as soon as you can.

You are not even sleepwalking into this bad relationship where you will be tied financially and trapped with this man.

You know what he is like.

He won't get better over time.

he hasnt tried to make contact...
ive sent a msg asking if hes got his son now ( am hoping so as dont want him turning up ) but hes read it and not replied
I feel so angry

I'm glad you feel angry and not sad or confused. You spoken to your friend yet? I'm absolutely disgusted in him I am. I don't even know you but I feel for you. I'm sat in swimming now watching my OH and DS swimming and thinking about how you must feel. X

It wasnt abuse in a sense because at the start you gave permission.

Wrong. Just because she consented at the start does not mean it wasn't an abusive act.

If at any point you no longer wanted to participate you should have made that clear to him in words.

Uh, are you fucking kidding me?

She couldn't make anything clear in words because she was choking and gagging on his penis, which he was forcing into her mouth!

That's a brilliant get out of jail free for rapists, isn't it?

"Oh, she didn't say no in actual words. Sure, she was struggling and gasping for air, and unable to speak because of what I was doing, but how was I to know she wasn't having a brilliant time?"

I wondered when the first apologist would show up.

Oh my!
You poor little love!

Altogether girls.

Till him to fuck off to the far end of fuck and when he gets there...fuck off some more!

No more Mrs Nice Guy! You don't even have to see again. Txt it to him.

If he has a key get the locks change.

He's vile and nasty.

wonkina, if I was planning a masterclass on victim blaming I could just copy and paste your post

shameful

Hey, thats a bit much. Telling someone to have a grown up conversation with their partner about sexual preference is a million miles away from excusing rape.

ignore wonkina - OP - we believe you

mrsvand I've just read this whole thread.
The majority of pp are correct- this is rape. This is emotional abuse.
Who gives a shit how far along the house buy is. Bricks concrete glass money...its nothing. Not when you spend your life In a loveless domineering and quite frankly degrading relationship.
No woman deserves this. He should have been checking your ok. Stopping immediately when he felt and heard you gag. Apologised for going to far.
Your in a lucky situation op that you can break free. Don't be that girl in 20 years stuck to a a*se hole. You have everything now if you take it