Desperately Trying to Move On - My Divorce from Mr WT Part 3 - It's Nearly OVER!

[TheFormidableMrsC]

I am so grateful to all of those who have followed and supported me throughout this bloody ordeal! I hope this will be the last one.one and it will be over very soon! Thread 1 : www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2030270-PLEASE-HELP-DESPERATE-AND-AWFUL-DIVORCE?
Thread 2 : www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2137545-Whos-Desperate-and-Awful-Now-Story-of-My-Divorce-from-Mr-WT-Part-2

Just managed to sit down...at bloody midnight! What a day! However, did a massive bike ride with neighbour this evening which got the endorphins flowing and the wind in our hair! Lovely! I have, however, had one of those days where I feel so pissed off with being a lone parent. Trying to organise DS's schooling, his idiotic father "expects to be kept informed", he has "rights" you know! All the rights, none of the responsibilities. Of course, I can't keep him informed because that is how he has made it. So, huge decision made by myself and hoping it is the right one. As I mentioned previously, DD is to undergo surgery shortly. Last week she had pre-op tests at the hospital. They called me today to say that she has MRSA . This has meant gutting her bedroom, boiling sheets, fumigating make up brushes, washing all of her clothes (even those already washed and she has a LOT of clothes), boiling all the towels, oh the list is endless and it will take a few days to do. I have got to Dettox spray everything. She is going into hospital on Thursday to start treatment. I have to see GP about DS and I being tested as it is transmitted by touch and I am now worrying as my neighbour has just returned home from having an operation to remove her breast cancer and I have bought her stuff and taken it round...I sincerely hope that I haven't put her at any risk. It is really frightening! Poor DD has had enough on her plate without this too. It's nobody's fault but it means her surgery will be delayed and it's just another thing to add to the list of "when will this feckin' end"...

Still WWK had me in stitches tonight...so that was something!! So for you young lady!

Oh and while I am at it...and having had yet another ill informed comment from somebody about the current bail situation, I really must clarify for those OW and husband and anybody else who don't understand what they are talking about with their very public misinformation.

When husband submitted his letter to the court claiming "contempt" because of my MN threads letter clearly written by OW, there was a line stating that I was "serving a 5 week bail term for harassment". Lets clarify. Bail is not a sentence. I have not been "put on bail for harassment", you do not "serve" a bail term. Bail is essentially there to ensure the person accused returns to the police station and indeed it is there to give the police time to complete their investigations. It also affords both parties some protection because of the conditions imposed, in this case, not contacting eachother. I have not been charged with anything and I have not been found guilty of anything. Indeed, the police are merely investigating allegations made. So, the correct terminology to use would be "we made a complaint to the police alleging that MrsC has harassed us. The Police have interviewed MrsC and have released her without charge until such time at their investigations are completed".

So, I did have an eye rolling moment today when asked "so when have you finished serving your bail term for harassment"? Husband himself said the same thing on this very thread "MrsC can't respond as she is on bail for harassment. If you're going to make bold statements, at least get the facts right!

I am sure I am being pedantic...

Hello MrsC. And yes, indeed. Even primary school children understand the concept of innocent until proven guilty.

They also may understand the concept of telling tall tales to teacher because they don't get to keep all the candy. And that its petty, vindictive, malicious and just wrong.

And in the grown up world it could possibly be seen as an abuse of process.

As you clearly say, you haven't actually been charged with anything yet, as it takes more that someone making allegations to get you charged. This is because some time (and I know this is astonishing) people can exaggerate. Or only tell part of the story. Or even make things up!

But of course the police are obliged to investigate. And so they do. And will look at ALL the evidence. From all sides.

I'm guessing here they do not have enough evidence to charge you. Or believe that the evidence they do have is insufficient. Or may not fully trust the authenticity of the sources of some of the evidence.

Heres a nice simple link that explains it all. For those reading that might have trouble comprehending :)

www.findlaw.co.uk/law/criminal/your_rights/500333.html

Hello MrsC. And yes, indeed. Even primary school children understand the concept of innocent until proven guilty.

They also may understand the concept of telling tall tales to teacher because they don't get to keep all the candy. And that its petty, vindictive, malicious and just wrong.

And in the grown up world it could possibly be seen as an abuse of process.

As you clearly say, you haven't actually been charged with anything yet, as it takes more that someone making allegations to get you charged. This is because some time (and I know this is astonishing) people can exaggerate. Or only tell part of the story. Or even make things up!

But of course the police are obliged to investigate. And so they do. And will look at ALL the evidence. From all sides.

I'm guessing here they do not have enough evidence to charge you. Or believe that the evidence they do have is insufficient. Or may not fully trust the authenticity of the sources of some of the evidence.

Heres a nice simple link that explains it all. For those reading that might have trouble comprehending :)

www.findlaw.co.uk/law/criminal/your_rights/500333.html

Hello MrsC. And yes, indeed. Even primary school children understand the concept of innocent until proven guilty.

They also may understand the concept of telling tall tales to teacher because they don't get to keep all the candy. And that its petty, vindictive, malicious and just wrong.

And in the grown up world it could possibly be seen as an abuse of process.

As you clearly say, you haven't actually been charged with anything yet, as it takes more that someone making allegations to get you charged. This is because some time (and I know this is astonishing) people can exaggerate. Or only tell part of the story. Or even make things up!

But of course the police are obliged to investigate. And so they do. And will look at ALL the evidence. From all sides.

I'm guessing here they do not have enough evidence to charge you. Or believe that the evidence they do have is insufficient. Or may not fully trust the authenticity of the sources of some of the evidence.

Heres a nice simple link that explains it all. For those reading that might have trouble comprehending :)

www.findlaw.co.uk/law/criminal/your_rights/500333.html

oh buggerit !

I think you get the message :)

Oh, I missed the comments about 'bail term'. How funny I bet it went something like this in their heads -

"Bail. What does that mean? It rhymes with 'jail' so it must be, like, the same thing."

Eejits

WWK thanks for that - hahahahahahahaha Next instalment please?

De-lurking to wish you well.

I might be being dense, but if a condition of bail was no contact between all parties whilst investigations are conducted, has not MrWT breached that by his post on this thread?

I'm not sure about breaching anything as MrWT is not on bail without charge. But I'm sure he is bound in some way of refraining from making contact. And I'm am sure there are some sort of repercussions. I would hesitate to guess what they might be. I'm sure it will become clear in due course.

But the stalking on here, and attempt to block MrsC from support and advice on a totally anonymous forum by posting here, rather makes a nonsense of the claim that he is being harassed. Doesn't it?

That would be my take Feck

Mr WT is certainly breaking the bounds of common decency... But then he's been doing that for a while now.

pointy, I agree he has no decency, but he's about as 'common' as they come!

I know that here it's incumbent upon the bailee to stay away from the complainant. To the point that if you see them in a shop or on the street, you have to leave or go inside. But I'm sure a complainant can't go around antagonizing the bailee, or purposefully putting himself in their way, like Mr WT has done to MrsC.

But, then, the wheels of justice turn slowly. I'm sure he'll be 'put right' eventually.

But but but, I saw a film about someone whose job it was to bring people back if they absconded on bail, and if they wouldn't come back he was allowed to shoot them!

It was set in America. And may have been fictional. But you know, they're allowed to shoot you! On bail!

MrsC I think this proves conclusively that you must be a serious criminal.

What are you saying? I am friends with a criminal?.

Seriously, does one become a criminal without a trial in this country?

Hi all, especially you WowWhatKnot....

mummytime thank you SO much for that info...I am on it .

Thanks everybody else for usual lovely posts, so many of which have been laugh out loud funny! I have hardly had any time to catch up and have just sat down for half an hour before bed. Not long back from very long, very fast cycle, I am loving having a bike! DD has been in hospital today to start treatment for her MRSA, hopefully she will be clear for surgery in a fortnight. Tomorrow she is off to the Wireless festival. I have armed her with every anti-bacterial product available when actually I think I should be more concerned with how short her shorts are...

Scrambled, your post did make me laugh!

Feck...you're like me, post in the middle of the night, post doesn't appear, you do it again, it still doesn't appear and then 10 of them appear the next morning! I wish I could say more but I can't atm...but link very useful, thank you

So, Mr WT is now harassing me. I made my position clear post arrest, via his solicitor on more than one occasion and have warned him twice not to contact me at all, yet he has continued to do so despite my requests to the contrary. Yesterday I received a letter beautifully composed as normal. It is all in hand..

I have long accepted that any sort of co-parenting relationship is not going to happen. I have long accepted that we are no longer able to communicate. I also actually despise him with every fibre of my being. Therefore, I fail to see why he needs to contact me. He has age appropriate access to DS, exactly what he asked for and therefore, I can't see why he can't just do the pick up and drop off's as normal, sticking to the timescales agreed and pay his pitiful maintenance once a month. He really only needs to contact me if there is an emergency involving DS during contact hours, for which I have made sure a phone number is available. I would prefer to be left to bring up my kids, as I have done single handedly for the last nearly two years. He has never made any positive input whatsoever, quite the opposite, and shows no interest other than buying plastic shit and causing further damage to DS alongside OW. I have absolutely nothing to say to him.

Tomorrow I have a really important meeting in terms of DS's future education. Today I have completed the penultimate ASD session. It is laughable that he says he is going to do this in September. It is utterly utterly pointless, of that we are all agreed. What a twat, he could have just done the right thing from the beginning in terms of DS's diagnosis but has persistently chosen not to. Oh well, at least we have seen his written admission of his failures as a father. That's something....

KOKO

Oh and I forgot to say a couple of other things. I try and spend a little bit of time each week archiving divorce shit so I can get it out of the house. As I have said before, I hate reading it and try not to but sometimes the odd email catches my eye. This was truly Oscar worthy :

I had to do this to ensure that our son grows up with love and emotion because you don't know how to show love, you are cold.

So there he is, the martyr, he had to have an affair with OW to escape Mrs Frosty here give me strength and then justifies it by trying to suggest that it was for the good of DS! That really is dedicated parenting isnt it? Creating a broken home and leaving your family on benefits . The man deserves a medal don't you think?!

Anyway, onto better news. I have a lovely, lovely friend. Mr WT used to salivate over her all the time surprise. When I met her, her husband had just left her with two small children having been caught out having a very long term affair with a woman he worked with. Smug OW ensured that they got married and had a child (now 7 years old). To be fair to friend's ex, he didn't leave her high and dry and ensured that they were provided for and paid living maintenance for the children. Although it galls me, to be fair to OW, she stayed well in the background, stayed away from the kids for several years and certainly did not behave how OW has in my case because most people don't behave like her. My lovely friend took several years to come to terms with what happened to her, she is now very happily settled with a lovely much younger man and they have a beautiful little girl. She has been amazingly supportive to me in every way because she knows. Anyway, she called me today to tell me that her ex husband has been caught having a long term affair with somebody at work, he has left his wife to be with the latest "love of his life". Yawn. Because my friend is indeed lovely, her only concern was the little girl, who is half sister to her children, because she knows how much her own children suffered because of their father's behaviour. The wife is in "shock"...oh dear, you reap what you sow love. I have no sympathy whatsoever I have to say. Lovely friend rang me to have her moment of satisfaction because she won't do it in public much more dignified than me. Don't you just love a happy ending?!

It never ceases to amaze me when the OW is shocked that the "prize" shits all over them too.

What the hell do they expect?! He is a lying cheating arsehole.....and despite knowing that, they marry them.....and are then shocked when they stay true to form!

No sympathy here either! As James Goldsmith said, when a man marries his mistress, he creates a vacancy.

Well, I guess that OW got run over with her own Karma, didn't she? Ho hum, merrily we roll along.

Men! Can't live with them, can't rip their heads off!

I may or may not have written a post...if it shows up later, I shall qualify it. Currently it is not showing up.

is the new religion...

A case of "marry the mistress and create a vacancy".

I'm glad the information was helpful.

No one's going to shoot MrsC, because she hasn't broken her bail conditions, rest easy one and all!

Arseface couldn't possibly manage it either, even if he wanted to.

I'm sorry for the children involved in your friend's ex's scenario, MrsC - men with loose penii really shouldn't be allowed to reproduce continually, it's horribly unfair. :(

I just wanted to pop on to wish you my continued support throughout this ordeal (would love to have written another word there but as it is still ongoing after so long because of MrWT persistence in dragging it out for no apparent reason) and pop off again.

I also cannot wait to go to your first book signing, whenever that is

Thumb...I hope his firearms licence is permanently removed!

Yes, I too am sorry for the children. Friend's children are now grown up (late teens) and have zero respect for their father and barely see him. I imagine their contempt will be clear after his latest pursuit of the next love of his life it all sounds so boringly familiar. The youngest child is of course now going to suffer what he inflicted on his elder children. What an absolute piece of shit he is. I totally agree about "loose penii". Certainly my ex is a case in point, mind you, I knew he would do this and still went ahead because he backed me totally into a corner on that one. My precious little boy is the only good thing to come out of this. I just pity him having such an abject failure in life as his father.

Whatcha, thank you so much! I like "other" words too.... I will of course let you all know when book signing is due to take place!

On the plus side it does give you more evidence for the police that you are not committing the harassment but the other way around.