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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Desperately Trying to Move On - My Divorce from Mr WT Part 3 - It's Nearly OVER!

751 replies

TheFormidableMrsC · 24/06/2015 22:05

I am so grateful to all of those who have followed and supported me throughout this bloody ordeal! I hope this will be the last one.one and it will be over very soon! Thread 1 : www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2030270-PLEASE-HELP-DESPERATE-AND-AWFUL-DIVORCE?
Thread 2 : www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2137545-Whos-Desperate-and-Awful-Now-Story-of-My-Divorce-from-Mr-WT-Part-2

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magoria · 27/07/2015 22:37

No hand holding smilies but mine is here.

TheFormidableMrsC · 27/07/2015 22:50

So, the things that I struggle to comes to terms with, even now. I can't forgive my husband for certain things that he has put us through...

Telling my daughter 3 months before he left that he was leaving and hoping she'd tell me to save him the inconvenience of doing so. CAMHS sorted that one out Mr WT, thanks for being such a fantastic "father".

For beating my daughter in my absence and leaving her too scared to tell me.

For cornering me into having a baby, deciding it wasn't what you wanted in the end and walking out, despite all of your "promises".

For utterly disrespecting my Mum, dying and skeletal, describing her as a "waste of space in the corner".

For running away and hiding behind my brother when he confronted you, hiding behind your "partner" like the big man you are.

For allowing OW to abuse me in every way possible and pretend you "knew nothing about it".

For leaving us dependent on state benefits, having spent the last God knows how long complaining to me about your childhood, your social services issues clothes, your parents divorce, your abandonment issues, your jealousy of everybody and everything, yet inflicting ALL of that on the son you claimed you wanted most in the world.

For cancelling the car insurance late at night, not once, but twice, ensuring that your beloved son arrived at nursery soaking wet and freezing cold and your DSD spent the next week in bed due to an issue with her back and a 45 minute walk to school in the fucking pouring rain.

For cancelling all the direct debits, taking the credits, leaving me to pick up the debts.

For stealing the children's shares.

For committing fraud on my bank account with the help of OW who pretended to be me so YOU didn't have to honour DD's birthday present mobile phone contract.

For halving child maintenance, claiming poverty, but while funding flying lessons, jewellery, underwear for your tart, holidays, alterations to OW's house, oh goes on.

For stopping paying the mortgage on THE HOUSE YOUR SON LIVES IN, leaving it to the taxpayer and thinking that is OK.

For sacking me from our family business without notice or pay.

For using your pitiful child maintenance to blackmail me with.

For disrespecting my father, who loved and helped you with a subject that has never been mentioned here, but you still spat on him regardless and my GOD he bent over backwards to help you.

For taunting me about my dying Aunt who loved you and tried to help you in every way.

Sending me pictures of OW's salon floor...pretending you were dealing with a "leak". That was LONG before you claim you started your relationship.

Sending me texts "by mistake", meant for your lovely OW, oh how many of those have there been Mr WT? Very very many...cruelty beyond belief and cowardly at the same time...

For utterly wrecking our families, for putting your parents through everything that you have. They have retired, they should have been able to enjoy their family, their grandchildren, instead they are dealing with all of this. Not how they planned, I am sure.

You defrauded my stepmother's business, thus creating a rift that denied both of the kids the relationship with my father that they deserved.

You two have just caused utter life changing wreckage that has affected everybody....

I really need to stop, I would be here all night. On Sunday I was vindicated in the Police station and released from bail. Indeed I have written a lot of emails, a lot of letters and have sought something, anything from my husband to explain the things he's put us through. All to no avail. He is a weak man with no moral compass.

On Friday he failed to appear in court, thus extending this hell for a few months more. However, I have decided, enough is enough. I have to draw a line, I have to get on with my life.

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FeckTheMagicDragon · 27/07/2015 22:56

Oh I want to stand up and applud you MrsC! To come through all that. And still your warmth, intelligence, live for your DC, live of life and sense of humour just shine through.
I hope this is cathartic for you.

TheFormidableMrsC · 27/07/2015 23:05

There is so much more I would like to say, but a lot of the things that happen are kept in a diary for the inevitable court case that will follow in terms of DS. I can't even start to explain the effects this has had on me, my children, my health, our day to day wellbeing. They are HORRIBLE. I, and everybody else, maintains that if there had been any other OW than this one, we wouldn't be in this situation. She didn't want to be implicated in breaking up a family, she dismissed my DS's autism, she was cruel to my daughter...she is an utterly vile creature and my husband has gone along with all of it. Referring back to son's autism the worst abuse she has inflicted on my child, and it is abuse because it has reverberated ever since, was convincing my husband that there was nothing wrong with our son and I was "attention seeking and only doing it to claim DLA". That was evil. Being the utterly controllable nightmare that he is, he took her word as a "hairdresser with a CRB check" who was apparently able to "diagnose" autism and literally checked out from the process. Thus, he is unable to support him, he hasn't attended any courses, he has missed parents evenings, nativity plays, sports days, stay and play, shared reading, he's never brushed DS's teeth, he had no part in potty training, he has done nothing but miss every single milestone our son has made. The child he is now is because of me and actually, his elder sister, who has stepped up despite being 16 years old with enough problems of her own. He is a total fuck up as parent and as a human being.

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ScrambledSmegs · 27/07/2015 23:10

MrsC, that is a litany of shit he and OW have rained down upon you. And yet you are still a clever, funny, wonderful woman who retains grace and humour in the face of adversity. Quite frankly, I'm in awe.

I hope this is cathartic for you Thanks. Hopefully it's a bit like a butterfly emerging from a chrysalis - you can leave the thing that once constrained you far behind while you fly free.

TheFormidableMrsC · 27/07/2015 23:16

It leaves me to say...Mumsnet....I posted on here in utter desperation, suicidal in fact, not that I would have ever done that because my children mean more to me than anything in this world. What I would have done without you all I don't know. Every single one of you, regular posters, lurkers, some who told me off, some who bowed out as they thought it was too much. Some who have become real life friends not you WWK you evil McKenzie friend, some who have supported me via email, telephone, social media. You all know who you are because I hope I tell you often enough how much you mean. I am very lucky to have supportive family and friends. I look at Mr WT and at the state he is in in despair and I worry, I really really worry. Whilst we will never again have contact, I don't want my son to lose a relationship with his father. He doesn't need to be involved with OW. She is poison. He doesn't need to be involved with her family, who frankly have yet to find out what they're dealing with...but they will. I hope that Mr WT wakes up one day and realises what he's done to us all...

So, I need to get on with my life. Hence why I have bored you all to death with this tonight. I promise to update with anything important. I imagine there will be another hearing soon and hopefully at some point I will be divorced although that's looking further and further away sadly. I hope you'll all keep me on your watch list.

I can't begin to thank you all enough. I really can't. I have cried floods with typing all of this and I know you're all there beside me. I will be flitting across the boards trying to be useful so will see you all one way or another. Thank you ALL so so much, there are no words.

KOKO Flowers

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TheFormidableMrsC · 27/07/2015 23:30

One last thing I will never forgive Mr WT : "If you hadn't have thrown me out we might have been able to sort things"...thus blaming me for your years of infidelity, your years of cheating with OW, the OW's all over the place, the OWs' you were hedging your bets with, the OW's at your "shoe" client, one of whom you were carrying on with last year. ODFOD.

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TheFormidableMrsC · 27/07/2015 23:31

Thankyou all for "listening"....and for everything xx

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Nevergrowingup · 27/07/2015 23:31

Peace and respect Mrs C.

I've witnessed this kind of devastation happening to a relative. Your experiences are particularly cruel. Why, if people are happy, do they need to destroy their previous partner? None of it makes sense.

You have retained dignity, the love of your DC, of those around you and a moral compass which has shone through every line you have written. To have been faced with two empty vessels, capable of vindictive, sick behaviour, your response deserves the greatest of respect.

I applaud your strength but do not underestimate the cost to you. They will reap what they sow.

You will reap rewards in your DCs and never regret your choices. Respect to you and sending strength through the ether.

andthenagain · 27/07/2015 23:36

words fail me for once Flowers and un MNhugs tonight pal xxxx

andthenagain · 27/07/2015 23:37

you are an amazing woman
you are invincible.......

AcrossthePond55 · 27/07/2015 23:57

God bless you, my lovely. You stand tall and be strong. Peace.

Keep in touch.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/07/2015 00:24

Peace and love, MrsC - just know we're all here for you should you need to continue to vent in other places. Feel free to PM me with a new thread if you ever want to.

You have indeed been shat on from a great height and with a large volume - but the diamond you are keeps on shining through all the shit. And you know what? Shit don't stick to diamonds, so once the shit-droppers are dealt with, you'll still be clean and sparkly.

ThanksStar

TheABC · 28/07/2015 00:48

Dear MrsC

I have been lurking (and reading) your three threads with amazement and astonishment at your dignity and grace. Your ex really did try his best to destroy you and everything you hold dear. And failed. I only hope that he will get exactly what he deserves for this list of despicable behaviour. And your subsequent book and career as a best selling author allows you the peace and freedom you need to enjoy your children.

Hugs. May you be divorced soon and happier for it.

P.S. I know you don't cook, but can I suggest making bread? Just three ingredients and kneading the dough is great for stress relief.

Aussiebean · 28/07/2015 01:09

After all this the future is looking bright. No more mr wt bringing you and your family down.

Once he is gone, your life will be wonderful.

Wishing you and your family well xxx

Kerry10281 · 28/07/2015 01:46

Made me cry and I already know ALL this and more!!
All I will say is karma!
(And they are cunts!!!! Grin )

Love ya Mrs xxxx

Weebirdie · 28/07/2015 06:46

Here's to a great life for you and your children MrsC. Smile

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 28/07/2015 06:59

We really do need an Eowyn-stabbing-the-Witch-King-inna-face emoticon.

As for MrWT and Pauline, I hope they die of lobsters.

tomatoplantproject · 28/07/2015 07:40

MrsC you are a hero. Wishing you continued strength as you swashbuckle your way against these 2 villains.

Wishing you peace, happiness, fun and lightness as you continue being the best parent you can. Your children will be fine - because they have you. And you are a amazing. Xx

TheDrugsWorkABitTooWellThanks · 28/07/2015 07:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stupidgreatgrinonmyface · 28/07/2015 07:57

Please promise that you will come back and let us know when you have written that book .I can't wait to help you become a best-selling author. Especially as it will enable you to put all your financial worries to one side and they won't be able to do a damn thing about it.

titchinatrance · 28/07/2015 09:17

One day the fragments of your life will join together again to make a whole new, beautiful picture. Love and best wishes.

FuckitAndStartAgain · 28/07/2015 10:31

We heard you. Wine

Nanny0gg · 28/07/2015 12:32

I cannot believe that anyone would be still standing after all of that evil (and that's what it is) being thrown at them.

But you are. You should be immensely proud of yourself.

I wish you happiness in the future with your amazing children and peace as soon as your psychopath ex-husband does the decent thing, concludes all the legal stuff and divorces himself out of your lives.

Good luck Star

pointythings · 28/07/2015 13:41

Peace, MrsC. Our paths will cross again elsewhere in virtual space.