Desperately Trying to Move On - My Divorce from Mr WT Part 3 - It's Nearly OVER!

[TheFormidableMrsC]

I am so grateful to all of those who have followed and supported me throughout this bloody ordeal! I hope this will be the last one.one and it will be over very soon! Thread 1 : www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2030270-PLEASE-HELP-DESPERATE-AND-AWFUL-DIVORCE?
Thread 2 : www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2137545-Whos-Desperate-and-Awful-Now-Story-of-My-Divorce-from-Mr-WT-Part-2

I'm so glad that the police have seen through their cunning plan. It was hardly the stuff of master criminals so I doubt it took much time. Sorry that you're letting the threads slide as you clearly get loads of support here, in a very trying situation, but obviously it's important that you do. I hope you get your divorce soon, how irritating to still be legally shackled to that person. I do hope he doesn't drop dead of heart disease before you get your decree absolute.

Sorry for stream of consciousness, am on phone and it's not loading MN properly. The horror!

Wishing you all the very best, for you and your DC. You're awesome and they're lucky to have you.

I'm so glad that the police have seen through their cunning plan.

:o So Mr WT is George and Pineapple Pauline is Baldrick then? Although lets face it, she always was!

Except that Baldrick was prettier

I guess it's 'all's well that ends….well, that ENDS at some point'! Glad their attempt to malign you and brand you with a police record ended up in naught.

The divorce will happen. Hopefully sooner rather than later, but it will. You're already a 'free' woman in every way that matters. Your heart, mind, and conscience are free! All that's left is that little piece of paper.

Glad things continue to go your way, MrsC

As a matter of ponderance, would it benefit you more if he dropped dead of a heart attack before the divorce? Y'know, being still legally married and that, wouldn't you get all his stuff?

MrsC, The trouble with liars and cheats is that they don't understand others having scruples and Im so glad you being brave enough to face the possibility of a trial in order to clear your name has won the day.

There's a saying I heard recently and it goes along the lines of - don’t ever wrestle with a pig. You’ll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it.

It seems very apt under the circumstances.

Here's to better days for you and your children.

So glad you got a common sense treatment from the police. Let's hope they make Pauline and MrWT sign a document re contact too.

How was DS with the police visit?

Hope the tea and Terry's was nice! The crushed pineapple (or voodoo style pineapple & cheese stick hedgehog) will have to be saved for the day you are finally divorced.

I'm exhausted reading your update Formidable, I cannot for one second imagine how physically and mentally draining it is to be actually living through it. But you do. And you will. And you're inner strength is quite amazing.
Delighted that the police were able to see sense and drop the charges.

Onwards ever onwards.

You're great!

The thing with liars is that they are so thick they don't realise just because they say the words it doesn't mean it's true.

And these two are particularly stupid because they put it all in writing.

write* (obviously - I don't)

You're not the only one, Feck. I typed "bed" instead of "bad" yesterday. So ashamed as typos are not me. She definitely wouldn't have wanted the police to give her a bed for the night!

Annie - typos define me - esp on Mumsnet :)

Oh and by the way - in case Mr WT starts the similar nonsense as he did with the bail without charge.
Signing an undertaking does not apportion blame, it's not like receiving a fine or being bound over to the peace or being found guilty of ANYTHING!

It's basically just saying 'I won't do that' but officially.

My life is my own.
Exactly MrsC, and well done, on the way you have dealt with the sh1t that has come your way, and the way you have supported others in similar situations, here on MN, and no doubt, in RL too.
Glad to hear that yesterday went well and KOKO!

Morning everybody! I will post back properly later, have a horribly busy day today and about 10 girls here tonight for a sleepover . Thanks for your lovely and very funny comments. Just a couple of things, DS was absolutely fine, he took his bag of cars with him and was very happy to show the officer his police cars and remained distracted by them. She was very sweet to him. I wasn't there for very long and he was more delighted at looking at the rows of police vans and cars outside so I hope that my damage limitation tactics worked.

Feck, yes yes, I can just hear it now "MrsC has been CONVICTED of absolutely nothing and is bound over by a LEGAL DOCUMENT by way of a SENTENCE that she will have to SERVE forever" for being a desperately hurt wife and mother subjected to immense cruelty by two utter c**ts

Believe me, there are enough people out there who know me and know them and I will ensure that the actual FACTS of the matter are clear.

KOKO

I thought this might be appropriate to post now too, with regards to MrWT

Very pleased that your DS viewed the proceedings at the Police station as an adventure in cars rather than anything else, good work!

And I have no doubt who is going to come out of this smelling of roses, and who is going to stink of shit...

On the Friday morning of 18 October 2013, I had taken DD to school and had returned to get DS, then 2 1/2 years old, ready for his morning at a village playgroup. Husband had already informed me a while before that he had a day viewing properties with a friend's father for redevelopment opportunities red herring. I was sitting in the kitchen putting on DS's shoes when husband appears all dressed up. "You look nice" I said and then asked him what he wanted for dinner and started talking about maybe taking DS to a local carp farm which I thought he might enjoy. "I am sorry, I am leaving you, I don't love you or feel anything for you anymore, I need to get my life back, it won't happen overnight, but we need to get the house valued and I want DS to come with me, you never wanted him". I laughed. Then realised he was deadly serious. He refused to talk and said he had to go. A long day ensued of endless begging, emailing, texting, all largely ignored aside from an "I'm hurting too" . I asked him if there was an OW, he immediately denied it, told me "don't be stupid" and that he needed to be on his own. He returned in the evening, sat upstairs in our bedroom loudly sobbing but largely refused to talk then he left again. I spent the night in shock gathering up every last one of his belongings and piling them into the lounge. I texted him at around 5 am and asked him to pick them up. He was at the door very shortly afterwards claiming he had slept in the van on the drive overnight. He looked a bit shocked but loaded it all in and out of our lives he went. I don't really need to go on with what happened next as it was fairly shortly after that I posted on here with the whole sorry story.

I will be right back...this is hard....

You are amazing

I would never have remained as dignified or strong as you have.

I have read very very many stories here on Mumsnet, very occasionally i have come across others who have behaved with the utter cruelty that my husband has but in some ways this ordeal has been unique. What I will say is that I realised fairly early on in our marriage that something wasn't quite "right" with him. I put up with some pretty outlandish behaviour, excessive OCD, spending money we didn't have in ways that made me gasp, inappropriate behaviour around friends. Bear in mind we'd moved to a new town and I had had to start over with making friends and building a social life. When I introduced him he became the new "joke". I never told him, but my God the comments I had, yet I always defended him and made excuses. I was very lucky, in fact we both were, that the people I formed relationships with learned to tolerate and brush off his strange behaviour. The thing is, when you marry somebody, you make your vows for "better or worse" and there were so very many good things about him that I thought I would be able to deal with it all and I did, for a very long time. I am not in any way saying I was perfect. We had what I would describe as a "passionate" relationship, madly in love, fabulous sex, but often horrible rows with days of silence. Not healthy I realise now with age and certainly with the benefit of hindsight. I am also somebody who suffers from horrendous PMT (although this has hugely subsided now, thankfully), I hurt easily and take things personally when I should perhaps be a bit stronger. I hate cooking and I am rubbish at it. I hate ironing and do it on an "as you go" basis. I forget things, I am totally disorganised. All things that would be a major irritant. I do appreciate that, especially having got used to being on my own over the past (nearly) two years and irritating myself with all of those things. However, I know I have lots of good points too and by virtue of that, I have always had lots of friends and am generally very much loved, which is wonderful and appreciated and not meant to sound arrogant at all. I wasn't by any means a perfect wife, but I did my best and I loved loved loved him with every fibre of my being. We had a lot of really good times and lot of really bad ones but I thought that being a partnership meant that you worked through that stuff together.

Need a wee.....

Oh love, try not to look back too often nor for too long. It only tears at your heart. If you need to, take the time to write it all down. Then close the notebook or lock the document.

You have so much to look forward to. Really, you do! Your lovely children becoming the woman and man that YOU will guide them to be. A peaceful home and someday, if you want, someone who deserves you to share it with.

Mr WT and PPauline are becoming part of your past. Soon they will have no relevance in your life. They will become a small blip in your life's story. Soon enough, you will be able to feel nothing but pity for them. Because that is what they both are. Pitiful people living a pitiful live.

You sound like a very lovely person. I sincerely hope that you find someone who will appreciate you, a mutually loving relationship that is balanced! You deserve no less. In the meantime, I wish you a lengthy respite from the crap you have been going through, and a lot of fun :)

And for your STBX and his 'whoever', 'whatever', I hope the universe returns to them tenfold what they have given to you.

OW and husband do not realise to this day that I found out about them much earlier than they realise. I knew it was her and my inner circle of friends will confirm that. I didn't know that her husband had been killed and it was only by virtue of trying to find him that I found that out. The final piece of the jigsaw was a message from LinkedIn in my spam box that led me to somebody who had been looking at my LinkedIn page. Many people don't realise that when you look at a LinkedIn page you are identified. It took me about 10 minutes to make the connection. I gave husband ample opportunity to own up, he didn't. I now know he was utterly panicked and told me "stop looking for things that weren't there". As if I would! Mission MrsC! He should have known me much much better....

He did finally admit to OW and the e-mails that went between us will be saved for my book/blog. So I contacted her, this "friend who was helping him to get through this ordeal" and I wrote a very very long and heartfelt letter to her, hoping that she would back off and let me sort out things out for the sake of my children. I got this :

Dear Mrs C

Thank you for taking the time to pen that email

I would like to make it clear that my husband and father, was my world. The events that and myself have had to experience have been gut wrenching. The initial visit from the police delivering the news, identifying his body, telling my little boy, arranging his funeral, all events that fill me with sickening pain when I recap. For that reason, I do not consider you to be experiencing a similar bereavement

As a loving wife, I am sure you can imagine that you cannot ever think of being with someone else. That is where I am. The thought of a physical relationship with someone other than , sickens me right now

I am very fond of Mr WT as he has been helpful and supportive. I appreciate how he tells me he feels, but I am not in that place right now, I am still in love with

^My friends are concerned, hence one of them looked him up, part nosey, part worried. They too appreciate that I am in a vulnerable place and am not about to unsteady mine and

I appreciate the messages inbetween so much...but I need to do this...

Anyway, it goes on from there as you all know. OW became more and more vicious as time went on, when I began to pull myself together and my God was she vile. You are a nasty horrible no mark after my husband was witnessed assaulting me in front of my little boy. We are bored of your pitiful bleating. You caused your husband to leave yet you want to kid others that it was my doing. You're too vindictive to see sense. That's the nicer version. Even her own police liaison officer from her husband's accident balked at that lot. She wanted me to accept her "poor widow" version of events. She was never the poor widow. She just didn't bank on me. I still can't get over a woman who moves my husband into her home a few short months after her husband died with a child that my own husband said was undergoing counselling and whose chequered history with very many step-children she knew nothing about. Two years on, I can't even begin to imagine taking the risk with my kids...I am not sure I ever will. Not after this, because you don't ever really know what you're getting involved with. I didn't...but I paid the price of that.

Do what you must. But take care of your formidable self.

Jesus MrsC, I think we all knew it was bad, and worse that you let on - but this is horrific!