DH handing in notice with no fall back option

[MummyKWP]

I'm a full time mum - a decision myself & my DH made together, as we thought it was best for our family.
We have a 2 year old DD & one on the way, due in a few months.
He works in a relatively decent job - permanent, pensionable. It's a good job, but he doesn't enjoy it. He's worked at a higher level previously so feels he ought to be respected more within the work environment.
The thing is, he's decided he's handing in his notice this week without a fall back option. He knows how I feel about it - it's a very vulnerable time for us - soon to have 2 children under 3, and we won't have any wage coming in.
He's trying to set up his own business, but as yet there's no money coming in from that. That sort of thing is always a gamble. He doesn't think so - he thinks it's guaranteed.
I don't feel like I can stop him because he always throws it back & says "don't you trust me to provide?" "Trust me, I'll make this work" etc. He's the eternal optimist...I'm a realist!
We already owe my parents money which he borrowed to put into the business. I hate owing, especially as they don't have much money.
How should I deal with this whole situation? I feel very worried about the future - not something I wanted while 5 months pregnant!

Also if he resigned with immediate effect and he's planning on staying in the same industry - well that's not going to have gone down well with his contacts surely?

As others have said at least if he has been sacked then he can claim something.

I would strongly suggest telling someone about what has happened. You have no income, you are heavily pregnant, you have a toddler to care for, your husband does not respect. You are really going to need some help and support from someone.

MN is good, but you should also get some rl support.

*your husband does not respect you

More red flags all over.

not being able to accept authority figures telling him what to do (e.g. Turn up on time!) Seriously??

He told me we were over last night. I think my "lack of support" pushed him to say it.

Well, I do think you should take is seriously and tell him that you are over if that is his attitude.
Of course you can't support him when he is making decisions that affect you without your input.

At this point, I think I'd ask for the whole truth (or ring his employers) and a full explanation and plan on how he proposes to support the family.

I'd start looking for a job too or forms of earning money asap, although heavily pregnant doesn't offer the best prospects.

And consider whether to stay with him or not very seriously.

I also agree that you should tell people that he has left his job. But let him do the explaining.

There is no point in keeping it a secret.

You don't have to say anything about your feelings on the subject, but the longer you don't mention it, the worst it will be.

Op most employees have the legal right to request a reduction in their contracted working hours, and mostly the employer will not have a legal right to refuse. This is surely a better option if you sit down together and work out the minimum hours he needs to work to cover the bills?
What exactly does he think he is going to use to buy food next month.
Also he shouldnt be entertaining the idea of even going part time until he has worked on his business plan for 6 months and also saved every penny for 6 months to use as a safety net.
Ultimately i think him making this decision without you is outrageously selfish and not a partnership at all.

He will start up in the same industry, having just ruined his reputation as
Reliable? Who will do business with him if he is not regarded reliable and trustworthy?

What will his contacts think about him letting down his employer? Will he run away from responsibilities and contracts in future?

Honestly. You need to protect yourself and your children financially and emotionally.

How is your relationship with your parents now that you have talked them into throwing money into this?

How should you feel if someone close to you struggled alone and kept a secret because they didn't want to worry you?

Tell someone!

I can appreciate that ussues at work can make you suddenly quit, I did it once when I was the main wage earning and then BF (now DH) was on a basic apprentice wage. I couldn't take anymore

Having said that, if DH had of been concerned I'd have understood and not have blamed him or said we were splitting up!

Mind you, DH knew me well enough to respect the person I am and that everything I do is carefully considered so things must have been really bad for me to take that action. You don't have that faith in your DH and you both know it.

As broken-hearted55 has said, it's rare for a resignation to take immediate effect unless you are going to a competitor, and even then there'll be "gardening leave". Unless he has a history of storming out of jobs then there is more to this than he's saying.

At a practical level that may not change things other than him being too proud to tell you the truth would make more sense and probably be more forgivable- in time - than what he has said so far.

The new business is sort of related to his current job & he'd hoped to get them on board - he thought he could perhaps run the business through them so that they got the kudos (it's a series of conferences & events). The CEO is on board, but other staff aren't being supportive. He feels his current boss (not the CEO) might try to encourage him out because they might think he's doing too much for the business on work time.

I really don't buy that at all. Why on earth would any company pay him a salary to work for himself rather than for them? He shouldn't do anything for his business on work time.

If the CEO thought your H's business idea was viable and wanted the kudos, he could ask your H to organise the "conferences and events" as part of his employment - that way the CEO's company would get the kudos and make the profit.

not being able to accept authority figures telling him what to do (e.g. Turn up on time!)

And that's ridiculous as well.

I would lay money that he's either been sacked or forced to jump because he was turning up late and spending time on his own business rather than his job.

He sounds like a prize wally, and not a very nice person either. I don't think I could ever regain trust in someone that had put me in this position when I was pregnant. If he's lost his job and he's trying to not look like a failure then he has my sympathy, except for the way he's lied to you and tried to make you feel bad. Honestly, perhaps you should get some space - would your parents take you for a few days? I don't think you have any realistic prospects until your baby is getting on for a year old - can you look into re-training? You absolutely have to tell your parents, and close friends. This stress is bad for the baby and you need proper support.

, I know a number of businesses where an employee had an idea but it wasn't key to the core business even if some senior staff liked it. So an employee or group left to set it up.

If he has told them that is his plan then they may have asked him to leave to preserve clients

He's just had a call from his employer to say they're not accepting his resignation & they want to talk to him. He stated reasons of bullying in his letter.

Do you think it's a good thing or a bad thing that they want to talk to him?

I asked if it was a case that they won't accept it because "with immediate effect" was a breach of contract. But he said no, that's not what they said - they said they don't want him to leave.

Thoughts please?!

Well, it's a good thing if you / they can convince him to stay on after all. Do you think that's possible?

What is his attitude?
Has he had a change of heart and is willing to stay until it's safer to leave, or is he still insisting on leaving?

If he is citing bullying, they may be worried about a possible court case.

They must be a very nice employer or perhaps worried he's going to go for some type of dismissal claim due to bullying.

Has he been subject to any sort of disciplinary meeting - perhaps due to his timekeeping or attitude?

Maybe they're going to offer him a settlement agreement to go away quietly - who knows?

If I were him, I'd go in and listen to what they've got to say bearing in mind he has a family to support.

I know a number of businesses where an employee had an idea but it wasn't key to the core business even if some senior staff liked it. So an employee or group left to set it up.

So do I. The point is - they left to set it up. They didn't try to do it on their employer's dollar.

TBH, I don't know what to think about the phone call. I don't doubt that they called him; I would find it very difficult to trust him enough to believe anything he said about the actual content of the call.

I suspect they want to discuss the bullying claims. No self respecting HR department would let that stand without at least a conversation to make sure they're not at risk. I think it's poorly played again on his part - doesn't he need future good relations with them for his related business idea? or is he going after them for bullying? It's always recommended to not say nasty things when resigning in case it jeopardizes your future references/you want to go back etc. Or you're going to take an actual stand and bear the consequences - which again, poor timing for him to do that....is he having some sort of breakdown?

The phone call from employer happened to someone I know and they were offered much better terms and an improved work environment. They went back but ended up getting a job offer at another company and then leaving the new job not long offer. Turns out they were totally burned out. They don't have kids to support though!

Perhaps they want to arrange his mandatory exit interview? Or the return of his laptop?

Again from a business POV - all invoices are 30 days for Business to Business transactions and on average I've found invoices are paid at about 45 days after issue....

Again something I didn't realise before starting out- so these bits and pieces of work he's hoping to get will be paid for 45 days after he does them. This means if he does some work this week, he'll get paid at beginning of August.

HR probably want to speak to him to either get him to follow the appropriate grievance procedure regarding the bullying claims . When resigning you don't have to actually give a reason.

OP I really feel for you. I have work part time since dd was born but will go back full time once she is in school and at that point DH will cut his hours so he can pursue his business. Joint decision for the benefit of the family. Thats where your DH is lacking. He's only thinking of himself.

Apologies if someone has mentioned this, but OP, check out the website People Per Hour. You may be able to pick up some ad hoc copywriting work.

You're going to have to leave him to it, Mummy. He doesn't give a shit what your opinion is, or about his toddler and pregnant wife.

'He told me we were over last night. I think my "lack of support" pushed him to say it.

I don't think he means it though - he's live in a pig sty if I wasn't here & he would have to actually look after DD on his own a night or two a week - that's be a foreign concept to him'

So he does FA at home, treats you with no respect at all, cannot be arsed to look after his own child, shows up late at work, pisses people off at work. Sounds like a real catch.