HOBBIT'S BAR - Still finding it hard to move on .. Part 11

[Notlivingwithsemtexhoorah]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, swear, ask for advice,swear, relate to others in the same situation, swear, take a break, swear and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support and swear a bit. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and swear alot and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary for swearing. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in, oh and swear a bit more if you like.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her. Sorry, she's been joined by a pineapple and an Uzi in this 1st post for those who don't like firearms
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.
7. Random Guys feature on here too

Our theme tune is My Silver Lining

My name is Semtex, 50, married almost 31 years, 2 DSs 26 & one DD 28. One DS has NC with their Dad the other two have been well and truly brainwashed(Thought it was my fault but counsellor says otherwise, so I will believe her). Nisi nearly here on the basis of UB. Been to mediation, waste of time for us as HE IS THE MASTER. Filled in Form E and hopefully he has, now just waiting for the lies to read. Once he moved out he took the opportunity to use my time at work as the best time to take anything of value from the house. Nice. Now everything is locked from the inside including bedrooms etc. My DS is intending to buy him out so we both have somewhere to live and actually I.m not ready to move out as its my home. Ive said before that I don't feel that qualified to give advice that others do as I am a relative newbie and don't have young DC's but on good days hope I can help you raise a smile cos you have all helped me in one way or another. …...

That sounds great Braving didn't know there were still outdoor public pools open. I have no plans. DD1 working a 12 hr shift and DD2 catching up on post exam sleep

Hello all,

Sorry to hear some of you having a tough time with legal proceedings, I tend to stay quiet as I have no experience or knowledge of divorce or the legal process at all really. However I admire your strength, all of you going through it and the courage you are facing it with.
I fear tomorrow will be a big wobble for me, not acknowledging him on Father's Day. I always made it special for him and dss before dd came along and this will be the first year of nothing. I have searched my soul about sending an email or a picture but I think as much as I dislike him he has made a black and white decision to cut contact and plans no future involvement and I have to accept that. Accepting that is tough but not acknowledging him on Father's Day is definitely part of that.
Fucking selfish wanker that he is :(

That is tough to deal with my lovely, my boys haven't mentioned Father's Day to me at all. I doubt very much whether they have bothered to get him a card. He's not exactly "Dad of the Year" material , as he has had very little contact with them in the past six months.
It is his loss, as it is your partners loss. He will regret it, but by then it will be too late.
Thinking of you, my lovely, and your little one, x

2little your strength is beginning to shine through already x

Well done you for just saying the words even though we may not accept them deep down inside..

Well I would just like to wish all the twatty "dads" out there who have no contact with their kids the crappiest fathers day in crappendum

RMA

Good morning all.

Sitting at home thinking this is a Fathers Day first for us all ? My female friends without Twunt .

Today is going to be a strange day for us all.

KOKO XXX.

Thank you all. I've just decided to make today about my dad as were away with my parents. It's all about dd anyway and she doesn't know she's missing out, as far as she's concerned a week with her grandparents on holiday is like winning the lottery, I envy her simple innocence sometimes.
I hope everyone is ok today. This is what I hate most - ok they've been crap partners, we chose to take a chance on them but why must they insist on being crap dads too or just not being one at all in my case when their children have done nothing but be born!
I can't miss that which was never real because I don't miss what was I miss what could've been which is merely fantasy

KOKO and we will survive xx

DS2 bought a Father's Day card. He won't post it, he refuses to send anything to her address. So it will sit there gathering dust until it is collected. Together with the birthday card from over six weeks ago.

I can't even joke about absent fathers today. I am filled with hatred and loathing for the twats who for whatever reason make little or no effort to maintain a decent relationship with their children. I feel for Hobbit's sons who are the same age as mine, such adorable young men having to deal with the emotional fallout. And of course 2 with her fledgling new family.

2 you are doing really well. And yes you are right not to contact him.

It's just another day in the long list of 'firsts' isn't it?
Another hurdle to get over, another lesson learned or hurt to be overcome.
At the end of this day there will be another and another, we just need to focus on the fact that this will end, we will recover and flourish again.

It's just a Hallmark invention anyway, a money making exercise, well they haven't got any money out of us this year....

Hello, drifted my love. Hope you are well.
2little I am in awe of you my lovely, you have shown such strength,
< even though you probably don't feel it> enjoy your holiday.

izzie thank you for thinking of my boys, < well, men really> you are very kind. X

Shall we have a Jessage? We need a bit of a lift today i think,
Any suggestions?

My first Father's Day without my dad who died 14 weeks ago. So far, it doesn't seem to have occurred to any of my family (all adults btw) that this might be hard or sad for me. .

Sometimes I get totally fucked off with being the strong coper. All my life.

Oh Roz it's so tough the fist everything after a parent dies. Thinking of you

2little good mindset - well done

Drifted hi and thinking of you too. not forgetting that not all fathers don't want to be fathers and some would have wanted to be part of their DCs lives

Hobbit perhaps a Jessage for the Fathers who would have wanted to be around, rather than the ones who aren't?

Well I woke up (not long ago!) to a lovely Father's Day card with the relevant bits crossed out and replaced with "other Mothers Day*. Also some chocolate - yum!

This is our 2nd Father's Day in enforced rental so being together as a family becoming more and more a distant memory

I hope I can join in this thread.
The day after our 10th wedding anniversary he tells me that he wants a child and I had my plumbing removed 15 years ago. He laid out a plan to have children that didn't seem to have me in it. He implied I was old and gross.

I kicked him out of the bedroom.

A few days later he says he never wanted to marry me and that I tricked him into marriage.
There is more but no need to post. It's always the same with these vile arsehats.
At first I thought I wanted to try to work things out, but now I don't.

Father's day.
My father has been gone for 12 years now. I miss him so. He was a decent man.

My first husband passed away from cancer at a young age. I miss him.
It was difficult for our DS to have lost him before finishing his school. DS is lost without him.

hi magic and welcome to the Bar. I'm sorry for the loss of your father and also your 1st DH.

Presumably he knew you couldn't have kids when he married you? so how did you trick him? They will make up any excuse for it to not be their fault when a marriage fails and they simply son't wast to be there any more. Laying all the blame on you is part of it.

KOKO

magic have you posted about this recently on another thread? It sounds familiar?

Izzie Hobbit and Bobs thinking of you and your DC today. It must be even harder when the twunts don't make any effort.

Izzie I am not surprised you are filled with hatred, your post this morning was awfully sad. I hope DS2 is okay, I don't understand how these men can effectively abandon their children. You don't stop needing your dad because you get older.

Rozalia the first of the significant days is always very painful and there always seem to be reminders everywhere. Your dad would be very proud of you. While we have memories they never really leave us. Take care. x

for everyone today.

what that's the problem - they just don't think. They don't seem to see the hurt their actions cause. Perhaps you should block him?

Iwas I'm really glad to see you, been wondering how you are

magic bloody hell, what an arse! assuming he knew your plumbing wasn't present of course. That would make it ten times worse!

what fucking charming eh! hide him on FB Ive done that now, its saved me a lot of sanity (and potential drunken embarrassing posts)

im here depressed just gone nc with my ea ex i need to tell my social worker and she hates me so im really not looking forward to this week she has also called a PLO on me this week which is why it kicked off between me and ex he told me when she takes my kids away i will have to get back with him and we can "try" to get the kids back as a family unit NONONONONONONO! im not getting back with him he is the reason she has called a PLO im depressed and sobbing right now

and my six year old has hit the roof when he found out i reported his daddy to womans aid for ringing me thirty times in two hours

We've had a lovely day, a replacement for the mothers day he ruined by leaving us the day before. It was a bit chilly getting in and out of the outdoor pool but OK in the water, we may have eaten cake in the cafe afterwards :)