HOBBIT'S BAR - Still finding it hard to move on .. Part 11

[Notlivingwithsemtexhoorah]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, swear, ask for advice,swear, relate to others in the same situation, swear, take a break, swear and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support and swear a bit. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and swear alot and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary for swearing. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in, oh and swear a bit more if you like.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her. Sorry, she's been joined by a pineapple and an Uzi in this 1st post for those who don't like firearms
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.
7. Random Guys feature on here too

Our theme tune is My Silver Lining

My name is Semtex, 50, married almost 31 years, 2 DSs 26 & one DD 28. One DS has NC with their Dad the other two have been well and truly brainwashed(Thought it was my fault but counsellor says otherwise, so I will believe her). Nisi nearly here on the basis of UB. Been to mediation, waste of time for us as HE IS THE MASTER. Filled in Form E and hopefully he has, now just waiting for the lies to read. Once he moved out he took the opportunity to use my time at work as the best time to take anything of value from the house. Nice. Now everything is locked from the inside including bedrooms etc. My DS is intending to buy him out so we both have somewhere to live and actually I.m not ready to move out as its my home. Ive said before that I don't feel that qualified to give advice that others do as I am a relative newbie and don't have young DC's but on good days hope I can help you raise a smile cos you have all helped me in one way or another. …...

I had someone do something similar but pics too. I sent innocent animal pics to the H's phone. Except I got the wrong number. All innocent chat then it turned. And although I made it clear I wasn't interested I got texts first thing in the morning etc. so I managed to track him down by luck online. He must have been 19. I'm old enough to be his mum. I thought of letting him know he had been sending knob and wank photos to someone that age but didn't. And then I thought, that could have been someone's daughter, how fucking dare he. So I reported him to the mobile phone company. Have no idea what happened if anything.

Girls are under enough pressure to act like slags nowadays, not to put too fine a point on it. It's not bloody funny at all.

Morning all.

Re my last post, I'm not a prude, but I don't take kindly to men who assume certain things when they have been given no encouragement. It's all about context.

And I have to say that anyone who thinks their knob looks better than their face.....well they must be some very ugly fucker indeed!

I'm off to join AIBU now

Izzie It's just lazy, if they can't even chat for a few days and at least take you out for a coffee before broaching the subject. They seem to think we're all sex starved and desperate.

An important announcement to those living near me. All ambulances suspended as PD is coming round to look at the TV for DS2. Nutty Nora will probably simulate another panic attack to get him back, so they are all booked up

So Izzie he cant be asked with either DS's most of the year but pops round like Dad of the Year to save the Universe or mend a telly, nice Daddy

Well luckily it's DS1's birthday tomorrow, so he can tick off another major event. Two for the price of one. They will be wearing name badges so he knows who is who!

Just to prove how busy he is, or is that bad mannered, he's late. He knows I can't stand people being late. How bloody predictable is he! Lets hope he hurries up, I'm going out later.

Izzie maybe the traffic is bad with all those ambulances on the way to Nutty Nora's!

Haha yes I do love a waste of taypayer's momey.

Meantime no sooner had he arrived all smiles than he asked if he should take off his shoes to go upstairs. Erm, why upstairs? He wants to see DS1. I said I will get him for you. No, he's going upstairs. After eight months he feels he can go wherever he wants in MY HOME. Anyway, he went upstairs and he was asleep. He knew he was coming too. Speaks volumes.

Looks like he got him a birthday card. Jolly good.

Well well he's a bitter little man, and on today's sterling performance I would say he has completely alienated DS2. He's still claiming I am "restricting access to adult sons". He ended up hammering and shouting at the front door. I filmed him and that made him leave. I will be changing the locks, he's getting unhinged. The rest, ladies, I will tell off thread

For the record, DS2 told him to leave

Pleased he got him a card Izzie. Quite hard to restrict access to adult sons I would have thought. They're perfectly capable of arranging to see their dad themselves if they want to, which clearly they don't.

Obviously being unhinged is catching, most have rubbed off on your ex from Nutty Nora. I hope DS2 is okay. x

Well if the card said anything like "So so sorry I have been a fuckwit" then surely its an empty gesture anyway.

Thanks iwas he saw for himself a number of the things I have spoken about on here before. And he stood up to him. As did I. He really can't take being questioned. This is certainly not something he was like historically. As I've said before, he is a different person now, not someone I want to be anywhere near. He will be no different to her, he will view it that she's lucky to have got him, so take him as he is. Well good luck to her, she has the cunt she created.

He hasn't actually moved on at all. He's still trying to control things, still blaming me for events, still trying to get answers by thinking he's going to catch me out, then demanding answers to things that are nothing to do with him. He's obsessed with wanting to know what I'm doing. I refuse to tell him, and so do my sons.

These are not the actions of a man happy in his life.

Not my problem. I'm happy with my life. And so are my sons.

We are moving on and away from him and his disgusting behaviour of us over the last 8 years.

According he is the victim in all of this remember? Did you not know that supporting someone through mental illness involves sexual intercourse?? That's how he helped her through her nervous breakdown when he ended things after a few months.

I will tell all off thread, ladies.

I've spoken to DS2. He's not happy. He was witness to some vile behaviour as well as seeing his father: being venomous towards me; lying about past events; plugging him for information about me when he couldn't get the info he wanted; slating me to him. Not to mention him acting like a complete idiot totally bereft of any dignity. It's not something a son should have to witness. He has lived with this situation, his on and off affair, for too many years.

How can anyone do that to his own son?

He's not fit to be their father. He isn't their father anymore. The last eight months have proved that he arranged ONE outing in EIGHT MONTHS, and that was DS1's idea.

He disgusts me. How I could ever have been upset when he left I will never know.

The sooner I am free from him in every possible way, the better.

Vile. Pathetic. Bitter. Controlling. Entitled. Lying. Manipulative.

Move on, arsehole.

DS2 is definitely upset. He's gone out for a walk to clear his head.

Why oh why can't his father just have some respect for his position.

He chose to stand by OW rather than his own son previously. He knew it was her making the SS allegations, he admitted his suspicions well after the event. And now he denies it all.

I doubt he will be in our lives in 5 years time. His sons will disown him. As he did them.

He is sick beyond belief

His favourite word for me is bitter. The same word he spat at me when he told me he had met her. He couldn't wait to let me know. He was the bitter one. He still is. He still won't head for divorce. Still wants to control me. Still won't let me live my own life. That's bitter

what I have a few theories. But quite frankly, as long as he's not around, I don't care what he does.

Meantime, now I know why he was so keen to look at the TV. It was to bring round DS1's birthday card. Which he signed from him and her. How childish is that? ANd how utterly hurtful for DS2

It's time for you to take control now Izzie my love. Take the control back and file your petition. We will all help you through it.

This "limbo" is not working any longer, it's too stressful for you and your sons. It will be hard, but you are a strong lady, and ultimately your life will be much better without his toxic influence on your family.

He signed that card from both of them to hurt you, Izzie not your son.
They are an evil pair to do that , I can imagine her being very pleased with having her name on the card. A form of validation of their relationship if you will.
It won't matter that your son will be disgusted at their insensitivity. Just like Sid and Flooz on Iwas's thread , they did the same thing. Callous beyond belief if you ask me.

Thanks Hobbit well it has backfired in a big way, that card. It hasnt hurt me, it just shows me he hasn't moved on, to quote that phrase, and he has alienated his sons even further. She will never be a part of this family.and as I said earlier, it's unlikely he will be in any of our lives post divorce. All his doing.

I was talking to a friend about events today. It's worth mentioning here that he was angry because I gave him some stuff to take back. Without his permission!!!! Yep its all my fault.