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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Support for Spook 2

502 replies

Janstar · 09/05/2004 17:14

Here it is.

OP posts:
ponygirl · 11/06/2004 12:37

Hi Spook, it's great to hear from you. I think moving to Ibiza is a fantastic idea for you and your boys - a new and fresh start for you all that you need and deserve. But please sort out those internet/EastEnders problems! I'm so glad you've got a definite positive plan to look forward to. Good for you!

Janstar · 11/06/2004 13:07

Spook, it's such a relief to have news from you, several of us have been quite worried. You sound as if you are beginning to move on and planning to move away is an enormous step in your emotional journey as well as the distance in miles. It sounds as if Ibiza is a place where you can heal and be happy, and it sounds just wonderful for your sons too.

Can you make sure that the house becomes your house, so that h cannot just bowl up there anytime he likes and upset your calm. He ought to stay elsewhere when he comes to visit. I'm so glad your MIL is beginning to see how badly you've suffered. Perhaps to begin with she assumed her son would come back to you with his tail between his legs.

The time between now and September is an ideal period for double checking your thoughts to ensure this is really what you want, as well as time to make proper preparations. It will give your h time to take on board the reality of what is happening too.

Please carry on posting, you have been missed for the last three weeks. Besides which, how am I going to come to Ibiza and visit if you don't let me know where you are?

OP posts:
ggglimpopo · 11/06/2004 15:49

Message withdrawn

Janstar · 11/06/2004 15:55

What a lovely story, ggglimpopo

OP posts:
ggglimpopo · 11/06/2004 16:06

Message withdrawn

spook · 11/06/2004 17:33

Thankyou so much for your story ggglimpopo. I have printed it out and am going to stick it by my bed. "adventure not a tragedy" is exactly the way I am trying to look at it. I certainly intend to get legal advice.I intend to file for a divorce asap.Something he keeps saying he doesn't want. He tells me how if he came home I would take his soul away and how he would divorce me for mental cruelty but still he won't agree to closure.
I still can't quite get my head around what is happening to me. 5 months on and I still feel like I am on the outside of someone elses life looking in.I still feel a little bit tearful-I think I am underestimating the enormity of my decision. My god-daughter who I am very very close to is 13 and when her mum (one of my very best friends) told her we were going last night she locked herself in her room and sobbed. My best friends husband says she is absolutely devastated and can't stop crying(she just lives round the corner and has been my rock)
But it still feels like the most obvious no-brainer of a choice. I HAVE no choice.I stay here and wither away or I move to Ibiza and try and blossom. I suppose it's the most important decision of my life.I just sort of feel numb through and through. If you stuck a pin in me I honestly don't think I would feel it.Uh-oh.Why does posting on here seem to make me cry.Your story is uplifting and inspiring but in a funny sort of way it's so obvious.Ofcourse you did the right thing.Ofcourse you found happiness. Isn't that what we deserve after what we've been through???

spook · 11/06/2004 17:35

Oh-and funnily enough just this morning I was thinking how much I will miss my Aga. Doesn't look like I ever will get my pink one!

spook · 11/06/2004 17:52

Oh and Janstar-ANYTIME ever ever you need some sun.You name it. You have become as much of a friend to me these past 5 months as alot of people I knew before. It is a really beautiful house with lots of room and huge garden and a pool.You must come.XXXXXX

ggglimpopo · 11/06/2004 18:47

Message withdrawn

Beccarollover · 11/06/2004 18:54

Will there be room for me too in Ibiza spook?

I too have become very fond of you and seeing how your getting on - when we met it was great as you and your boys are so fab but also made me worry that little bit more about you.

Im so pleased to see your news it is definitely the right thing to do - just reading about the plans it seems so right for you and the boys.

and AGAIN - well done you - you have come so so far those boys are so lucky to have you as their mummy you have done and are doing a really brilliant job - will exh be able to say the same thing about his parenting? NO NO NO

Take care love

Email/ring me if you need to - Im off work for the next 10 days if you fancy meeting up.

Lots of love
Becca
xxx

spook · 11/06/2004 21:34

There's always a bed for you in Casa Limon Becca!Would love to meet up this week or next.Will need a break from running stound like looney making arrangements!

Beccarollover · 11/06/2004 22:32

Well - I am off all this week and Monday and Tuesday next week - on wed, thurs, fri this week i could meet you kid free! (imagine that - no kids for either of us!) or we could always do something with them along

You still feeling positive??!?!

popsycal · 11/06/2004 22:38

beeca, spook - how about a night out?
I cant do friday.....

Beccarollover · 11/06/2004 22:41

I could do Thursday night?

popsycal · 11/06/2004 22:46

shall we???
I have work on friday but who cares

popsycal · 11/06/2004 22:46

we could just go out on the high street?

Beccarollover · 11/06/2004 22:47

Pizzunzi on the high street is nice

popsycal · 11/06/2004 22:47

is that where made in italy was?

Beccarollover · 11/06/2004 22:48

yep

spook · 11/06/2004 23:43

Hey girls.Baby sitter permitting that sounds like a FAB idea to me. I would LOVE to see you both again and have some grown up conversation.Lets go for it!!

Janstar · 12/06/2004 12:23

How envious am I? I wish I was a bit nearer so I could gatecrash your evening out .

Not that I'm complaining, I had a lovely night out with my local mns on Saturday. But I want to meet you guys too.

You have to let me know if you are coming south at all in the next couple of months.

OP posts:
Beccarollover · 12/06/2004 12:49

Spook - Im definitely up for it - DP is off on Friday too so I can have a lie in if necessary Let me know when you find out about babysitting arrangements

Janstar, great shame your not nearer - would be lovely to meet you and meet the number 1 advice giver on mumsnet!

Janstar · 12/06/2004 12:58

Thank you but not true...I rarely advise on babies, parenting etc as I don't think I'm that good at it.

And there are so many fantastic advice givers here, aloha, mears, custardo, blu, janh, hundreds of others - and wonderful people who have advised me with my problems and I never see them posting anywhere else!

OP posts:
Beccarollover · 12/06/2004 13:50

Yes there are hundreds of fabulous people on here - just the advice you have given spook on this thread has been really superb - I'd love to come to you when I had troubles - could just imagine you making a lovely cuppa and having comfy shoulders lol

mumski · 12/06/2004 13:59

Janstar - it's true what Becca says. I have had so much comfort from the things you have written - what a wise and caring person you are.
I'm Leics based if that's any help?

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