Support for Spook 2

[Janstar]

Here it is.

I'm so glad you were there {{{{}}}}

Spook, i am getting tears in my eyes just thinking of it,long hard nights of loosing control. Just really try and focus on the idea that love conquers all, silly to most, but it got me through.
Stay online, ring a friend, pour a glass of wine, whatever gets you through it. I am about all night if you want to talk. I used to think i was back at square one, i hadn't moved on and i couldn't live without him.It is heinous. But you have moved on, this is just more of the grief surfacing, every bit of it has to come out so you can heal.

Spook, have never posted on this thread before as I am a bit of a newbie to mumsnet and haven't wanted to but in, but just had to post after your last few messages. You sound as though you have the most loving heart and generous spirit. I am constantly amazed at your ability to be generous to your xh2b. I am certain that once you feel strong enough to let another man into your heart, your xh will be kicking himself for what he has thrown away. Take care of yourself.

Now I've bloody phoned him and blubbed down the phone-on his birthday!!! More ammunition against me.He said he's finding today incredibly hard-WHY??? All this crap. He got what he wanted didn't he? Got rid of the nagging wife, secured his blonde bimbo, plays at being daddy every few days, never has to walk the dog!!! What is so terrible about being him? I just CANNOT believe it's over. Even though I read and signed my divorce papers a few days ago. I really really feel low tonight. Did things like birthdays do this to you? How the fuck I am going to get through Christmas I don't know!

Thanks Fabarooney! I am just stupid. Weebles wobble but they don't fall down.

Yes to be perfectly honest birthdays do and christmas, the first of everything is utterly shit. It tests you to the limit, i wanted to never wake up. You are bound to feel like this on his birthday, it made me want to vomit, your mind goes overboard with what they are doing what she has got him etc.
Then once you have got over all these incredible milestones something amasing starts to happen, you realise you got through them and become incredibly proud of yourself and very proud of your children.
You then start to think if you got this far why on earth should you go back and why on earth should you put up with it.
As for him feeling like crap, he is bound to, he is chasing happiness in the wrong forms, looking for outside forces to make him happy. Not finding out what he truly wants. Instant gratification and a huge amount of guilt.

and phoning him isn't ammunition, it is real and true, i am not embarassed about anything i did, i was honest, thats all. i would regret it more if i hadn't been

You are not stupid!! You are a woman who took her marriage vows seriously. Pity your xh2b didn't feel the same way. So what if he feels bad tonight? He should be feeling bad!

On the Christmas front, a friend who has recently lost her partner to cancer has decided not to try and do the same as usual for the holidays. She has said that it so obviously won't be the same, she wants to make a new tradition for herself and her child. They are going abroad to visit relatives for Christmas and making it a big adventure. Do you think a change of scene (not necessarily leaving the UK) might work for you? Perhaps you could take the children away for Xmas and your x could have them for New Year?

If this isn't possible, what about giving yourself something to look forward to just after Christmas like a couple of days away at a spa with a friend?

I think it must be so hard for you all, I think you have to remember how lovely they were, otherwise you wouldn't have invested so mush of your lovely selves with them. The things he is doing jus now are horrible, but unfortunately that doesn't the man himself is. Today must be hard, but tomorrow will be better (honest?) take care, and have a glass of wine for me!

Honest

Thanks Fairyfly. You are making me feel human. Not just some mad bunny boiler. I think I'm going to have to come up with something pretty different for Christmas Fabarooney. That's a great idea. Although ofcourse I want him to be home by then (oh dream on spook) But yes ofcourse it's running through my mind constantly what she's bought him today and how many times they've spoken etc. GET OVER IT!!
I just know that if he walked back through that door right now we could start again. rebuild everything from scratch and try and remember what made us soulmates in the first place (not that I've forgotten) Is there ever a happy ending?? Yes-ofcourse there is and you're all out there getting me through this!! xxxxx

Of course you want him home, it is normal to want your family together, why shouldn't you, other people have it, why can't we.
As for happy endings, yes you will have one. You will either get back together and be a couple who got over an affair, lots of people do it, or..
my scenario, you will find out things about you you never knew, you will become stronger and wiser and you will find out what you want from life on your own terms. I am glad this happened now, i have taken more risks, met fantastic people, and am on the path to being truly happy with myself.
if you believe one of those two things can happen, then you can start to feel positive again.
As for being a bunny boiler if you want to take it out on an animal please let me give you the no. of
my lovely McBastard

I'll boil your lovely McBastard anytime FF!(slowly like a frog) And Deegward I am well through my second glass thanks! Have to make the boys beds soon. That should be interesting. You're all right though. I just want this horrible day to be over. It really caught me by surprise. Never even considered his birthday would hit me so hard. Fairyfly-you really are an angel.

it's bound to hit you hard, you should be celebrating together, nevermind i'm on my second glass too, heres to him missing you all night >clink

God that would be SO WONDERFUL!!! Cheers FF XX

Oh, Spook. I am so sorry. Have nothing useful or helpful to say except sending you loads of huge hugs and solemn promises that IT WILL GET BETTER.

Don't ever regret anything you have done in this whole situation, any phone call, any crying jag. None of it. You have been true and loyal and shown love every step of the way. I am so sorry that this is what you've got for it. But I promise you that one day you will wake up in the morning and all this will seem a million miles away. It'll take a while, but it will happen. Love and hugs.

Just emailed you hun (((hugs))) my bet is that he will be missing you tonight, for him to cry at the cd there must be at least a shred of the man of earlier times left - lets face it he will be having a pretty empty evening with katsuit kat the k*nt

Becca
x

FF - whilst im on this thread i have a message for you from popsycal but ive gone and forgotten it! i think i need to get your mobile number and text it to her

Becca, i have some sort of mobile curse, my 8th one of the year is down, giving up on them.
Hope everything is ok with her, i am on yahoo and msn if that is easier to relay a message x

my msn is rebeccaroll at hotmail.com - can you add me?

added you, i think? it says you are offline anyhow

Im online!?

Sorry to hijack your thread spook - are you still about? How you getting on....

Yes darling. I'm still here. Boys just got into bed. Have been bag of a mother of the first degree. Wonder if I forgot to take my medication this morning? Going for my 77778883332 millionth tab of the day.

hi spook, its a bad day for you, smoke, be a crappy mother (within reason, don't want to get in trouble for saying that) i was a witch, my boys are still here, they just wink at me now when they see my bottom lip trembling
becca add me too, it may work then Bhuna at msn.com

on your 77778883400th yet spook? still around, feeling any better?

hi spook how are you xxxxxxxx