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the Sordid affair thread - the 'story' goes on

549 replies

TealFanClub · 09/06/2015 17:18

Ok for those of use who were just settling down to catch up on it..

here is what happened next

I told daughter one - I coudnt keep the pretence going any longer, and my lack of appetite and sallow appearance was a giveaway.

OP posts:
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16
GinSoakedBitchyPony · 10/06/2015 22:49

The teddy is called Aloysius, and he's seen things no teddy should see. Nobody knows that he used to belong to a Lord, who was a terribly kinky bugger and Aloysius has seen it all.

SylvaniansAtEase · 10/06/2015 22:54

asked Dev to check her spam box Grin

Following hot on the heels of half of Cheltenham, by the looks of this thread.

Yowsers, Rupert!!

Fontella · 10/06/2015 22:59

"Damn all the taps to hell"! She shocked herself with her force of feeling.

Hahahahaaaaaaaa! I am actually in pain through too much laughing.

Star Star Star
Grin Grin Grin

goddessofsmallthings · 10/06/2015 23:05

Carrying her carefully chosen gifts, Geraldine went in search of Jim and found him mucking out Dobbin's stable. Relieved to see he was wearing the Hunter wellies she'd given him for Christmas instead of the sweaty old gumboots he'd had since his feet stopped growing, she admired his muscular thighs and firm posterior as he pitchforked another load of manure onto the steaming pile that Jack the gardener* would shortly spread on the fertile earth of the rose garden.

"Jim" she called softly.
Turning round, Jim looked suprised as he said "You're back early, ma'am. Did something come up?"
Geraldine smiled inwardly at the thought of Sebastian's last fond adieu and replied "Yes, Jim, but look what I've brought you from France - do try this eau de toilette'.
Opening the bottle of Gerald Depardieu L'Ail Pour Homme, Jim sprayed a little of the contents on his face and neck and said "It reminds me of something, ma'am, but I can't recall what exactly".
"The French would say 'je ne sais quoi'"said Geraldine.

Handing him the pack of 200 Gauloise Extra Strong, Geraldine urged Jim to try one. After having a few puffs, Jim replaced the half-smoked Woodbine behind his left ear with a fresh Gauloise "I could get used to these, ma'am' he grinned.

"There's going to be a lot of changes I hope you'll get used to, Jim" said Geraldine as she moved closer and gently removed a lump of manure which was stubbornly clinging to his strong chin with its clearly defined bum crack cleft.

As her Agent Provocateur clad breasts strained to brush against his Primarni plaid shirt, Geraldine drank deeply of the new odours which assailed her nostrils - and quickly moved back as she realised that what she anticipated would be the seductive aroma of eau de Frenchman as typified by Sebastian smelled like garlic and old ashtrays on Jim.

'I must get him a beret', she thought to herself as she wandered aimlessly back to the house.

*new character alert.. make of him what you will Grin

DrFoxtrot · 10/06/2015 23:25

This is my favourite thread ever Grin just like my beloved Mills and Boon stories Blush . I could never hope to be as creative with words as all of you, so I'll just sit back and enjoy.

DobbinsVeil · 10/06/2015 23:29

The drying nature of her brief interlude with Jim reminded Geraldine she must call the plumber. She sunk into the hideous grey leather chair Rex refused to get rid of. Honestly it resembles an elephant's testicle she thought grumpily. She shocked herself again with the crudity of her thinking and wondered if this was how the littleslut's mind worked.
So distracted was she at her own deviance Geraldine was jolted back to reality with the gruff tone bellowing from her phone:
"I SAID HELLO"
"Gosh sorry so sorry" Geraldine blustered
"Who is this?!?"
"Geraldine my colleague gave me your number. I have a plumbing emergency! No water"
"I'm the 3rd most qualified domestic gas engineer in the country, not a plumber"!
Geraldine's voice quivered: "so sorry please forgive me"
His tone softened: "Have you checked the loft tank. What system do you have?."
"I I... Don't know. Please we are mortgage-free could you just come out"
Sighing he asked "what's the address"
Geraldine responded "we're very/" and was cut off by 3rd most qualified in country heating engineer "lemmee guess...Remote"?

ChristinaTweet · 10/06/2015 23:31

I believe the Lord and Aloysius have a v special relationship IYKWIM

ChristinaTweet · 10/06/2015 23:33

Geraldine admitted to the plumber as soon as he walked in the door that she had fantasies involving water sports...

SonceyD0g · 10/06/2015 23:37

Wasn't wilberforce Her brother not her bil?
I think the cat may need to see a cat psychologist.
I too have an ancient copy of riders in the attic and am going to find it out.
I suspect jilly cooper of being the op in order to boost flagging book sales!

Jacana · 10/06/2015 23:39

"please we are mortgage-free could you just come out?"

Spluttering with laughter now. Grin

GinSoakedBitchyPony · 10/06/2015 23:46

Soncey, wasn't it you who said Dobbin couldn't graze in the wedding dress? Nearly wet myself laughing...

GinSoakedBitchyPony · 10/06/2015 23:47

Oh plumbers! Super duper!
My knickers keep flying off my washing line into the plumber's garden. He said he wished they flew into my bush instead of his.

DobbinsVeil · 10/06/2015 23:50

soncey I think the Wilberforce narrative was from Rex rather than Geraldine so his Bil.

I have name changed from PolarEyes for method acting reasons

DobbinsVeil · 10/06/2015 23:52

There is a RL heating engineer plumber asleep next to me on my sofa Shock

GinSoakedBitchyPony · 10/06/2015 23:53

Dobbin - does he have a finger missing ? if not, you're safe. Go ahead and enjoy him. Use him at your will

GinSoakedBitchyPony · 10/06/2015 23:53

But wake him first.

RexsLittleSlut · 11/06/2015 00:05

Wasn't wilberforce Her brother not her bil?

Think it was an error. Our shagging took place in the brother's house. Wilberforce owner of the shagging house. Ergo must be the brother.

SonceyD0g · 11/06/2015 00:06

Yes it was poor dobbin.
Dobbins veil thanks for that I'm quickly scanning through before bed!

RexsLittleSlut · 11/06/2015 00:08

Wilberforce = brother of Geraldine. Owner of cat and the home where Rex went ostensibly to feed the cat but actually to shag me, his little slut.

Character introduction credit: Paperbox

DobbinsVeil · 11/06/2015 00:10

Never wake a sleeping plumber!
I've read Wilberforce again and it makes more sense told via Geraldine? \overinvested

RexsLittleSlut · 11/06/2015 00:16

UPDATED CAST

Rex - a cad with questionable morals
Geraldine - slightly wet, but sexually deprived and open minded heroine
Dd1 - almost a barrister - depending on AS results, actually depending on whether she made the exam aka Petronella
DD 2 - potentially knocked up tart, who likes horses and rising to the trot, let's call her Scarlett
Sebastian - a cool yet passionate half French, semi retired barrister who wants to take care of Geraldine
Jim - beautiful stable boy, who against all odds trains an Olympic show jumper, and likes to keep his shags "in the family" so to speak
Lovelyfriend - ex bFf of Geraldine, who can't quite believe the things she has done so continues to meet her for mixed doubles and ball thwacking

RexsLittleSlut - Rex's little slut. The OW. Married to Rupert.
Rupert - wealthy former show jumper and husband of Rexs Little Slut. Owns riding stables and horses where DD2 rides. Was at a minor public school with Rex - but neither acknowledge this or speak of it. Forces his wife to film herself having sex with Rex for his own gratification

Dobbin - nickname of horse ridden by DD2 and owned by Rupert. Jockey Club registered name: Cotswold's Pride - sire AgaKhanSaga, dam Clarin's Dawn. The best show jumping horse in the South East. Suffered an unfortunate incident with a wedding dress.

Wilberforce = brother of Geraldine. Owner of cat and the home where Rex went ostensibly to feed the cat but actually to shag me his little slut. Wilberforce also sleeping with RexsLittleSlut.

Jack the Gardner - Gardener employed by Rex and Geraldine. Manure spreader. As yet characteristics and place in the narrative unconfirmed.

Unnamed - the 3rd most qualified domestic gas engineer in the country. Shortly to visit Geraldine who was actually calling for a plumber.

SonceyD0g · 11/06/2015 00:20

Breaking news

The horse box is revealed!

the Sordid affair thread - the 'story' goes on
the Sordid affair thread - the 'story' goes on
PaperBox · 11/06/2015 07:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jackthegardner · 11/06/2015 07:36

The midday heat caused him to stop for a moment to wipe his weather-beaten brow. Soon time for his early morning roll-up; his secret pleasure matched only by that of watching his prize marrows grow....

New character introduction alert
More to follow...!!

Jackthegardner · 11/06/2015 08:29

He leant into the curve of the ancient oak feeling the coolness of its bark ease the deep aching within. Relishing the protective shade he took a moment to wipe his brow once more as the beads of sweat from his early-morning toil tricked down his mahogany-tanned features to form a waterfall that cascaded down through the cleft in his rugged chin...

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