the Sordid affair thread - the 'story' goes on

[TealFanClub]

Ok for those of use who were just settling down to catch up on it..

here is what happened next

I told daughter one - I coudnt keep the pretence going any longer, and my lack of appetite and sallow appearance was a giveaway.

[Ilovetorrentialrain]

It's spotted this still in my watch list. Often think of this thread when there's an obvious made up thread, usually in 'relationships'. Some are just ripe for this kind of spin off!

[RexsLittleSlut]

I was so enjoying reading the developing plot! Where did everyone go?

[RexsLittleSlut]

It was a sweltering hot June day went she arrived in London in the silver Mercedes SLK Rupert had bought for her. She pulled casually into the front of the Metropolitan hotel on Park Lane and waited for the doorman to rush round and open her car door.

"Good afternoon madam. Are you a guest of the hotel?" he asked.

"Oh yes," she replied "I think my husband Rupert has booked a room for me".

Two shakes of Jack's marrow later, she had been whisked upstairs to her room. She lay down on the bed drinking a moment of calm before the storm she knew was to follow.

She thought about earlier that day and the incident with Susi and Petronella. That had been quite a shock even for her. But how to play that innformation to maximum advantage? she really wasn't quite sure.

She dialled Rex's number.

He answered to her suprised.

"Babe, where the fuck have you been? I want you badly.Didn't you get my messages?"

"Rex sweety, Rupert is a demanding man - you know that. Look- luck has it, I'm in London today and tomorrow can we meet up?"

"Of course my Little Slut", said Rex checking his watch. "I'm at the Dorchester - come here now!"

"On my way" she replied. "what's your room number?"

""235" he answered.


She walked into the lobby of the Dorchester attracting admiring glances of the staff. She slipped into the lift to the second floor. Knocking quietly on the door, Rex opened it.

He didn't say anything but grabbed her toward him. And kissed her deeply. She dropped her bag with the concealed camera on to the dressing table and stepped into his embrace. Four hours, three blow jobs and four bottles of champagne later, the deadline of 7pm was well and truly missed, she was sure Rupert would be pleased with her.

Rex rolled over to gaze in to her eyes.

"Look," he said a bit embarrased. " I know this isn't what we signed up for, but I'm utterly, utterly in love with you. I hope you feel the same way too. . ."

[goddessofsmallthings]

Wow, Dobbin ... just WOW!

< goes off to finish Rex's day in town >

[DobbinsVeil]

Still in a cloud of confusion, Geraldine wandered back to her car and drove off. Unsure of where she was going she abruptly pulled over; it suddenly dawned on her Petronella's car was parked at not-so-lovely friend's house.

Getting out her phone she rang her eldest daughter to no reply. Feeling slightly panicked she sent a text:
Hi darling just spotted your car at Green Carnation Cottage, is everything ok? Mama x

Whilst waiting, somewhat impatiently, for a reply there was a loud rap on the passenger window. She turn to meet the angry gaze of a balding, overweight man. "Oi luv, you can't fucking park here you're blockin the fucking driveway. We're paying a fucking fortune for our fucking holiday so please fuck off" he bellowed. Too frightened to answer she drove off.

Feeling quite shaken, Geraldine decided to drive to the village Farkin Farm Shop and Tea Room for a calming Earl Grey. She was greeted by Keira ordered her tea and immediately recounted her run in.
"I mean they really should vet the clientele more carefully, there's standards to be upheld in Farkin-on-the-Water" Geraldine was completely serious and most indignant.

Without waiting for a response she went on to more boastful news. "Still, we have the ball at Rammit Hall to look forward to" Geraldine went on ignoring her torrid history with the ball-thrower "a good excuse for a new dress!"

Geraldine's phone beeped and she read a reply from Petronella "Hey mama Nothing to worry about left it there after dropping Letty at the yard. Jago picked me up in his dad's Jag! x"

Feeling relieved Geraldine drank her tea. "Do they have balls often at Rammit Hall?" Keira asked. " No, but when they do it is quite the event, you know the whole who's who" Geraldine answered, conveniently leaving out that she'd never been before. "I can well imagine" Keira replied.
"Rupert's wife needs party planner's; you should do it you've turned this place around" Geraldine suggested. Brushing the idea away Keira said "That's very kind but I know my limits.I have to avoid stress, doctors orders." "Just an idea. Rupert's wife is a bit...odd" Geraldine added. With that Geraldine finished her tea and left.

Keira changed the sign to shut and pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels, pouring a glass into a teacup she thought back to her former high stress life.

She'd been making fantastic career progress at a city merchant bank, Rhinestone Brothers. Her then fiance, Tristan, also worked there and they partied as hard as they worked. Keira had unwittingly stumbled across evidence of insider trading; channelling Helen Mirror as Jane Tennison in Prime Suspect had undertaken her own private investigation.

She'd only confided in Tristan and was getting ever closer to the top of the tree.

She hadn't foreseen that her dearly betrothed would throw her under the bus to further his career. She found herself face to face with the major shareholder in their Pimlico apartment. "Your boyfriend here has kindly signed a sworn affidavit to your cocaine and alcohol addictions, visits to sex clubs...need I go on? I have it all here on email, including photos, ready to send to all shareholders and management. And your parents of course" he laughed cruelly. "And Tristan here has also kindly given me all you alleged "evidence" which obviously no longer exists. Game Over, you are done, best to go quitely."
Keira wasn't entirely sure why she leant over and pressed send but that it was she did. " I do still have this though" and she reached into her bag and fished out the most damning evidence linking the shareholder directly.

The colour literally drained from the shareholder's face. He then turned on Tristan who knew nothing of the ace up Keira's sleeve. Keira "Look you two can squabble later but this is worth 6 months pay straight in my bank now." The shareholder logged into his bank and transferred from his personal funds. "Well played.You'll never work anywhere again.but well played".

Keira had packed a bag and never seen Tristan again. He was lauded as the ultimate player and after a stint working in the Cayman Islands resumed his career in the City.

Keira was cast as the nymphomaniac, addict-ridden harpy and couldn't so much as get a coffee on the square mile. The Misogynistic Cheshire Scum was true to his word thought Keira angrily.

Her moving to Farkin-on-the-Water was no coincidence and though she'd never been close to her half-brother he'd dutifully allowed her to stay. The tearoom now gave her the perfect cover to stalk from afar and she was determined to have her revenge. And she was feeling positively murderous.

[RexsLittleSlut]

Rupert's wife stood open mouthed among the tulips by the window on the crazy paving path that lead from the white picket gate to the door of Green Carnation Cottage. She'd just popped round before her trip to London to meet Rex in order to pick Susi's brains about party planners. She knew Lovely Friend Susi had quite a Rolladex of contacts from her socialite hanger-on days in Chelsea. Rupert would be irritable if she hadn't at least started to organise the ball. Once he had a plan...

She had been stopped in her tracks by the sight of Susi kissing a woman with shoulder length fine white blonde hair. She was utterly dumbfounded. Sure, she'd always thought it was surprising that Susi was so resolutely single - but had put it down to the probability that she was a long term mistress to a married man and hence kept her relationship under wraps. But - hell no! - Susi went into bat for the other team as Rupert might have said. She stood transfixed at the window, the voyeur in her coming to the fore. The kissing pair broke apart and tumbled towards the sofa - and she realised in a moment of shock that the woman was in fact more of a girl. And it was Rex's daughter Petronella.

"Christ!" she thought "If Farkin-on-the-Water had it's own News of the World that would make the front page." In a second, a million thoughts tumbled through her brain like balls in a lottery machine as she absorbed the enormity of information before her. One of those thoughts was that Rupert would find this information incredibly valuable as he hated Rex so much - and there was no doubt Rex didn't know Petronella was gay - let alone involved in a relationship with his wife's oldest friend. She wondered whether she could make Rupert happy by telling him this titbit herself. Well it was more that a titbit let's face it. It was more a titchunk. Then her thoughts turned to Rex and how upset he'd be. Although she'd started sleeping with Rex for Rupert, she was not unfond of him and inevitably after spending so much time with him they'd developed a bit of a friendship. Maybe she should tell Rex. In the seconds it took for her mind to spin, she heard the gate behind her click off the latch.

She turned in a daze and saw Geraldine holding a basket covered with a red gingham cloth. Geraldine really looked like a visiting maiden Aunt in Midsommer Murders she thought - at least she could go to the hairdressers occassionally. Then her brain kicked into gear and she realised that she needed to stop Geraldine seeing what she had seen with her own eyes. Whether this was for Geraldine, for Rupert or for Rex she wasn't entirely clear, it was more instinctive.

Noise, she thought. That's the answer. Alert the Radcylffe-Halls at on the sofa.

"GERALDINE!" she shouted at the top of her voice. "HOW ARE YOU? I'M LOOKING FOR SUSI HAVE YOU SEEN HER?"

Geraldine looked askance at Rupert's wife who seemed to have gone insane. She was less than three feet from her but she was belowing in her face as if she was in Buttercup's field two miles away. She didn't know Rupert's wife that well - Rex had never been keen on socialising with Rupert - but had always thought she was the epitome of style.

"Er... no I haven't seen Susi. I've just arrived at her gate as you can see." said Geraldine looking around as if expecting men in white coats to emerge from the shrubbery. "I've just brought her this Victoria sponge I've baked. I had a bit of personal bother recently and she was such a lovely friend. I wanted to say thank you."

"GERALDINE!!! YOU HAVE BROUGHT SUSI A VICTORIA SPONGE GERALDINE!! WHAT A LOVELY FRIEND YOU ARE GERALDINE" came back the extraordinary voluable reply

"Um. Well thanks." said Geraldine. She stood looking at the other woman blocking her path until it became uncomfortable.

"Excuse me, would you mind if I could just get to the door?" said Geraldine.

"WHY IS THAT?"

"Well because I'd like to see if Susi is in to give her this freshly baked cake" Geraldine answered.

"YOU'D LIKE TO SEE IF SUSI IS IN TO GIVE HER THIS FRESHLY BAKED CAKE EH?"

The woman has gone mad, thought Geraldine and went as if to push past her. Rupert's wife was too quick and turned on her exquisitely fashioned Jimmy choo black heel and started to pound on the door with both fists like a woman possessed.

"SUSI SUSI GERALDINE IS HERE. I SAID GERALDINE IS HERE."

The door to Green Carnation Cottage was flung open and Susi stood there disheveled but alone.

"Thanks for the cake Geraldine," she said reaching across for the basket and whipping it out of Geraldine's hands. "Really thoughtful. Sorry but I'm really unwell. I have er... Diarrhea. Got to run. Literally. Soooo sorry" and with that she slammed the dooreshut.

Geraldine was now the one open mouthed, basketless and confused, on the path.

"Geraldine," the other woman said "I've got to run but just to let you know Rupert wants us to have a ball at Rammit. I'd only come to see Susi to get her party planner contacts. I do hope you and Rex will come. Would be lovely to see you, I know Rupert would love to catch up with Rex." Without waiting for an answer, she elegantly sashayed down the path closing the gate behind her and was gone.

Geraldine had never been more bemused in her life. What the hell was going on round here?

Lovelyfriend Susi had never been less lovely. Rupert's wife seemed to have developed a form of Tourrette's with all this unnecessary shouting. Farkin-on-the-Water had been such a genteel village.

Still, a ball at Rammit was something to look forward to. If only Rex would agree to go.

[RexsLittleSlut]

DobbinsVeil

"We're off to Trollbridge for the Market Day,

Fabulous! ROFL.

[DobbinsVeil]

Meanwhile at Vanilla Cottage, Petronella woke from a restless night's sleep. She checked her phone and glumly found no new messages. To cheer herself up she went on Facebook and read the "Get in the Sea" page. Her snorting and cackling woke Scarlett, who was not impressed and the sister's began their morning bickering routine.

"What are you laughing at, you epic weirdo" grunted Scarlett. "Your hair.Your Face. You in general" sniped Petronella. Scarlett crashed out of bed and ran to the bathroom, Petronella following arguing it was her turn. Hearing the broohaha, Katherine diffused the escalating row by offering the use of the ensuite. "We're off to Trollbridge for the Market Day, make yourselves breakfast before you go" Katherine instructed.

The sister's made breakfast in harmony, their earlier argument long forgotten. Petronella offered Scarlett a lift to the stables and they set off in her VW Fox. The car had been a surprise 18th Birthday present and judging by her mother's reaction, it wasn't only Petronella who was shocked. In a rare moment of parental involvement, her dad had organised it by himself. Petronella suspected her mother preferred the control being insured on her mother's Volvo, but had said nothing and smiled along, albeit somewhat manically.

Arriving at the stables the sister's laughed at Dobbin who was nonchalantly trotting away from Buttercup. "Oh bless him. Follow your heart, Dobbin!" Giggled Scarlett. Seeing Jim she quickly thanked Petronella for the lift, jumped out of the car and attempted a nonchalant trot of her own.

Spurred on Petronella decided to take action of her own and drove to Carnation Cottage. She pulled up and as she was walking down the path the front door swung open. Susi began to cry as she ushered Petronella through to the sitting room.

"I'm sorry I--" Petronella cut in "sorry?!? You've been ducking my calls for days?" "It's complicated... It's your mum.." Susi snivelled. "You are involved with my mum?!?" Petronella was incredulous. For the first time in a week Susi began to laugh, which infuriated Petronella further. " I'm not finding this funny, WHAT IS GOING ON?" Her flailing arms caught the Victorian Screen and sent it crashing, the noise terrifying Susi's elderly Collie, Fenton. Fenton reacted by urinating on the handmade red rug. Even Petronella was unable to stay angry and began laughing and attempted to calm the rather disgruntled dog.

Once peace had been restored Susi gave her explanation. "She confided in me, something personal, I don't want to keep it from you, but I can't tell you either." Susi's tone was gentle but firm. "That's as much as I can say".

Petronella was blindsided, having assumed Susi had backed off due to the age gap. Weighing up the situation she knew if she demanded to know her mother's secret, Susi would be lost to her for good. "And if I promise not to ask?" Petronella's eyes were pleading. Susi drew Nell in to her arms "I've always tried to be straight with you, but somehow I keep ending up in an awkward position" They laughed together then fell onto the sweetheart sofa, kissing, unaware they were being watched through the window...

[RexsLittleSlut]

Hard at work slaving over eggs and flour, Geraldine's thoughts turned to Lovelyfriend Susi.

She had always thought it strange that Lovelyfriend Susi being so lovely (albeit it with a hint of plainess about her Geraldine noted mentally) was single. Indeed for as long as she had known her, Lovelyfriend Susi had never had a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend, Geraldine added and chuckled to herself at her modernity and tolerant open mindness - conveniently forgetting the discussion of dogging she'd had with Petronella and Scarlett.

Susi's home - Green Carnation Cottage - was so beautiful and tastefully decorated. And she was quite the cook. Lovelyfriend would definitely make some man a Lovely Wife one day.

In two shake's of Jack's cucumber, the Victoria Sponge was all done and resting on a Villeroy Boch cakestand in the kitchen.

"I know," thought Geraldine "Lovelyfriend was so kind to me when I discovered Rex's Little Slut. If she's got her own personal situation, I should reciprocate - I think she'd love a home cooked freshly baked Victoria Sponge."

Wrapping the Victoria Sponge carefully in red gingham cloth and adding some roses to the basket cut by Jack the Gardener that very morning, Geraldine set off for Green Carnation Cottage with a spring in her step, delighted at her own thoughtfulness.

[Chipshopninja]

Who is Petronella's lesbian lover?!

Is it Kiera the Mauritian beauty working in the tea rooms, or was LOvely Friend Susie trying to distance herself to avoid the discovery that she's been washing down Griselda's lemon cake with a hefty helping of Lesbian...dumdumdum

[DobbinsVeil]

Mauritania Mauritian

[DobbinsVeil]

Meanwhile at Farkin Manor Geraldine awoke from her slumber.

Resisting the temptation to stay and enjoy the luxurious comfort of her 720 thread count White Company bed linen a bit longer, she made her way to the ensuite and showered.

Back in her bedroom she set about her grooming ritual; delicately applying her Creme de La Mer moisturiser then on to her favoured makeup choices of Dior foundation and lipstick and MAC mascara.

She decided on a casual ensemble comprising of Navy Zara cigarette pants and a red Boden cashmere sweater and headed downstairs.

She caught sight of an envelope and gathered it up, frowning at the less than pristine condition of her cherry-oak floor. She made a mental note to broach the matter with their housekeeper and made her way into the kitchen.

She filled the cafetiere and opened the letter. It was from her Lovely Friend, Susi.

Dear Geraldine,
I know things are difficult for you at the moment, but I've also got a personal situation that needs my attention. I'll be in touch when things calm down. Keep your chin up!
S x

Geraldine sighed. She feared she'd overburdened her friend and felt horribly guilty. Although Susi had witnessed Rex's outburst, their friendship had really been quite superficial; mostly meeting for cake and coffee at the village farm shop, which had a wonderful tea-room attached.

Geraldine's thoughts wandered to the tea-room. The owners' were the Smithen-Hydes though the day to day running was now taken care of by Keira, who was the half-sister of the school's head teacher.

Keira was a stunningly attractive 32 year old woman; she'd certainly inherited her mother's Mauritania beauty. Why she'd chosen to move to the village as there was such a limited choice of single men was distinctly odd to Geraldine.

Still, Keira had certainly breathed new life into the tea-room. It was practically a box-room in size, but with Keira's skilled hands it managed to be wonderfully intimate and welcoming. The vintage crockery was devine as we're the delicacies on the menu.

All the village homemakers vied to get their cakes sold and Geraldine was a regular contributor. Poor Griselda's Lemon Drizzle Cake was the subject of much mirth; a slice missing signified a visitor had fallen foul to it's misleading allure.

Shaking herself back into the present Geraldine went and got her phone. She listened to her voice mail, 1 from Rex claiming he had urgent business in London, 1 from Petronella saying she was meeting Jago to study and 1 from Griselda politely declining the spa invite. She had a text from Scarlett who was going to tend to Dobbin.

Finding herself at a loose end, Geraldine decided she would make one of her delicious Victoria Sponges and set to work immediately.

[RexsLittleSlut]

Rupert and his wife had spent the rest of the day and long into the night in bed - alternating between drinking champagne, having rampant sex and - at Rupert's instigation - watching films of her in flagrante with Rex. Rupert had laughed at the repeated calls from Rex and tossed her phone onto the bedroom floor where it constantly buzzed with messages and calls.

She couldn't remember the last time Rupert had been so persistantly ardent. He was always up for sex of course and with anyone including his wife, who he still desired. But the better part of a day? Unlike him. The whole Rex thing really did turbo charge his sex drive.

Eventually the time came for sleep. Rupert picked up the phone from the floor. "Twenty missed calls, one voicemail and five text messages - all from your admirer Rex" he laughed.

His wife wandered into the bedroom from the palatial en-suite bathroom clad in the scimpiest La Perla negligee - all frothy cream lace and nothing else. It enhanced her tan and the virginal look contrasting with their anything-but-virginal activities that afternoon started to arouse him again.

"Well, he's not used to me turning him down - especially not for you darling," she smiled at him. "what do you expect?" she took the phone from him.

"Listen to this" she said reading the last text aloud "I need you my Little Slut so badly. Stop ignoring me. I'm off to our London pad this evening for a couple of days. Some business to attend to. Call me babe - even just for phone sex. I can't stand being without you."

Rupert, of course, was always one step ahead of Rex. As he had been from prep school, Rupert was fond of musing to himself. Already a member of the Garrick which he had joined at a shockingly young age on account of his show jumping contacts, he actually had little real interest in joining Boodles Rex's club which he considered a rather inferior establishment. Rupert had only asked Sir Humphrey, a leading Tory light and Cabinet Secretary, to nominate him because he thought it would be mildly amusing to invade Rex's turf.

He well knew Rex would want to black ball him and wasn't so stupid as to leave anything to chance. He knew exactly when the time of the election was and that a black ball veto had to be made in person.

"I have a little job for you darling," he said taking the phone from her and dropping it on to the bed as he manouevered his wife so she was leaning over the arm of the egg-shell blue winged arm chair in the bedroom. He lifted up what there was of her negligee and fondled her pert arse marvelling at it's perfection. "I need you to go to London tomorrow and arrange to meet Rex at exactly 5pm. I've kept him waiting and he's bound to be desparate for you. I don't care what you do - hide the clocks, lie, drug him, fuck him senseless - but you need to keep him with you until after 7pm".

"And why is that darling?" she breathed heavily as he entered her.

"Trust me - it's better you don't know right now as it may compromise the innocence of your interactions with Rex. I'll tell you when it's all over. I promise you'll find it funny." She didn't find anything else remotely amusing for the next 20 minutes.

Finally, they both fell into bed. Both (for once including Rupert) marvelling at the prodigious quantity of bedroom activity they had had.

"Tomorrow morning darling, start drawing up a guest list for the ball and liaise with the party planners about a good date." said Rupert. The ball was the last thing he thought of as he drifted off to dreams of winning another gold medal for show jumping on a cow with a voluptuous udder curiously named Geraldine.

[Queenofwands]

This is fantastic...actually engaged with the characters. I stopped reading the original at the cat noises, but this is much better. More Petronella please!

[goddessofsmallthings]

Apologies for hogging the last 3 chapters - they wrote themselves as the characters have taken on a life of their own and exist independently of my keyboard. In fact, I'm half expecting to bump into Rex in Piccadilly as he makes his way to Boodles his club

I am so loving this thread; it's hilarious and the photos are sheer perfection - they must be included in the eventual hardback publication

You lot crack me up and I can't wait to read the next installment

@JacktheGardener - you've got him down to a T, leaing on a mature oak while protecting his marrow.

[goddessofsmallthings]

Griselda completed her morning ablutions by applying a dollop of Nivea cream to her careworn face. Catching sight of herself in the bathroom mirror, she observed that she looked remarkably rested after a night spent tossing and turning to Henry's sonorous snores and the thunderclaps which heralded his involuntary windbreaking (Grisdelda invariably refrained from using any word beginning with 'f' to describe bodily functions).

In fact, she mused, over what would be the first of many pots of tea made that day in the Vicarage kitchen, I also feel remarkably rested despite having been sexually assaulted by Rex in the most brutal manner within minutes of opening the door to him.

Griselda felt a warm flush spread through her body as she recalled the way in which Rex had taken her in his arms before passionately kssing her in a manner which left her with no alternative but to submit to his will.

That steely will caused her skirts to be raised above her waist and the crotch of her M&S high rise full briefs to be pulled to one side by Rex's expert fingers before he plunged the full length of his well-endowed organ between her open legs.

Griselda blushed at the thought of being discovered in such a compromising position had a member of Henry's weekly bible study group assembled in the study come in search of her but, fortunately, God's will had prevailed.

Now why did I use that phrase, she wondered? Could it be that last night was ordained by the Almighty? Hearing her husband's movements upstairs, Griselda resolved to pray on the matter in the draughty church, little knowing that Rex had every intention of having her on her knees during their next encounter.

Humming to herself, Griselda prepared breakfast and thus it was that an astonished Henry found himself contemplating the sight of his rosy cheeked wife presiding over a table displaying the two soft boiled eggs and neatly cut buttered toast soldiers she had lovingly cooked for him.

Is this the morning equivalent of the Last Supper, he wondered to himself as he profusely apologised to his dear wife for keeping her up beyond her usual bedtime the previous night.

'Please forgive me, my dear', he ended but, instead of the diatribe he had been expecting, Griselda merely smiled and said 'As well you know, Henry, to love is human and to forgive is divine' adding 'What became of the cheque Rex gave you?'

Reaching for his wallet, Henry unfolded Rex's cheque and he and his wife stared at the amount. "Twenty one pounds!" exclaimed Griselda, "What dos this mean?".

"It means, dearest, that Rex has made his modest donation in guineas" said Henry with a wry smile.

[goddessofsmallthings]

minor public school

[goddessofsmallthings]

Rex reflected on the evening's events as he drove through the night, the Vicar's unexpected arrival having provided him with opportunity to escape Farkin Manor without any bleating from his wife as to where he was going.

Geraldine had produced a delicious meal and, for a vicar, Henry had proved to be surprisingly amenable company although, Rex smiled devilishly, the full extent of his amenability was yet to be put to the test. Rex echoed his wife's thoughts as he concluded that the small impromptu party had gone with a swing and wondered whether he could persuade Henry to plant pampas grass in the front garden of the Vicarage.

A scowl crossed Rex's handsome features as he thought of LittleSlut's refusal to meet him. Rex was accustomed to relieving excess tension in time honoured fashion and to having his demands met immediately, but he wouldn't allow her unavailability to spoil the eve of his long awaited triumph.

The subsequent brief excursion to the Vicarage had confirmed his suspicion that the Vicar's wife was in need of a good rogering and he vowed to make a more thorough job of it next time. Rex felt himself grow hard at the prospect of releasing Griselda's ample bosoms from the restraint of what felt to be a marvel of whalebone engineering and exploring every nook and cranny of her well-padded body.

Rex checked the dashboard clock which confirmed that he would shortly be ensconced in his Mayfair pied a terre where, after 8 hours of restful slumber, his 'lady what does' had been primed to serve Eggs Benedict and a celebratory Buck's at precisely 10am.

After his morning repast, Rex intended to stroll round to Trump for a hot towel wet shave before dressing with extra special care in the town wear he'd secreted in the overnight bag that lay on the back seat of his car.

And then lunch at his tres exclusive gentlemen's club where he would have a further discreet word with the influential fellow member who had been Rupert's unlucky fag at their prestigious public school.

And then... AND THEN... thought Rex, shivering in gleeful anticipation, would come the glorious moment when he would black ball Rupert whose name had finally reached the top of the club's lengthy waiting list for membership after some 10 years.

Rex spent the remainder of his drive down to London in paroxysms of laughter as he thought of Rupert receiving the gilt edged letter of regret with its implication that any further application would again result in rejection.

[RexsLittleSlut]

EDIT: Jack the Gardner - Gardener employed by Rex and Geraldine. Manure spreader. Famous for his marrows, cucumbers and handling of ripe melons.

[RexsLittleSlut]

UPDATED CAST

Location: The village of Farkin-on-the-Water. Possibly in Cheshire. Possibly Rutshire. Possibly Mumsnetshire.

(Main characters in bold for the unitiated)


Farkin Manor

Rex - a cad with questionable morals
Geraldine - slightly wet, but sexually deprived and open minded heroine
Petronella - Dd1 of Geraldine - almost a barrister - depending on AS results, actually depending on whether she made the exam. A lesbian but not out to family.
Scarlett - DD 2 of Geraldine potentially knocked up tart, who likes horses and rising to the trot, let's call her Scarlett
DS3 - Unnamed son of Geraldine. Possibly the child of Rex but possibly the child of Rupert (for Rupert see Rammit Inn Hall).


Sebastian - a cool yet passionate half French, semi retired barrister who wants to take care of Geraldine
Jim - beautiful stable boy, who against all odds trains an Olympic show jumper, and likes to keep his shags "in the family" so to speak

Lovelyfriend (sometimes referred to as Susi) - ex bFf of Geraldine, who can't quite believe the things she has done so continues to meet her for mixed doubles and ball thwacking

Jack the Gardner - Gardener employed by Rex and Geraldine. Manure spreader. As yet characteristics and place in the narrative


Rammit Inn Hall

RexsLittleSlut - Rex's little slut. The OW. Married to Rupert. To remain forever unnamed The Second Mrs de Winter style.

Rupert - wealthy former show jumper and husband of Rexs Little Slut. Owns riding stables and horses where DD2 rides. Was at a minor public school with Rex - but neither acknowledge this or speak of it. Forces his wife to film herself having sex with Rex for his own gratification

Dobbin - nickname of horse ridden by DD2 and owned by Rupert. Jockey Club registered name: Cotswold's Pride - sire AgaKhanSaga, dam Clarin's Dawn. The best show jumping horse in the South East. Suffered an unfortunate incident with a wedding dress.


The Vicarage of the Parish of Farkin-on-the-Water

The Reverend Henry Pugh - the Vicar
Griselda Pugh - his grey haired, large breasted wife. Recently had consensual sex with Rex and regrets it. Contemplating alleging rape.

DD1 & DD2 Pugh - unnamed daughters of Henry & Griselda. At school with Scarlett

Vanilla Cottage

Maisie Smithen-Hyde - former nanny of Scarlett & Petronella. Real name Margaret. Left Farkin-on-the-Water to marry David a wealthy financier. Returned to Farkin after affair with a celebrity chef ended her marriage.
Hugh & Katherine Smithen-Hyde - parents of Maisie


Others


Wilberforce = brother of Geraldine. Owner of cat and the home where Rex went ostensibly to feed the cat but actually to shag his Little Slut. Wilberforce also sleeping with RexsLittleSlut.


Russ - A tradesman. The 3rd most qualified domestic gas engineer in the country. Visited Geraldine who was actually calling for a plumber but managed to turn her water back on none the less. Left his calling card (and a frisson) with Geraldine

[Chipshopninja]

We need more!!!

I love this thread so much (how do we nominate for classics?!)

[goddessofsmallthings]

The William III Peter Garon longcase clock which stood in the capacious hall of Farkin Manor struck midnight as Geradline applied a liberal amount of Crème de la Mer moisturising cream to her cleansed face

Slipping into a jet black chiffon vintage Dior peignoir, she carefully tied the sash before throwing open the bedroom windows and allowing the soft June night to assail her senses.

From somewhere by the lake came the startled quack of a duck which was answered by a querulous whinny from Dobbin. A fox, or another predator in search of a midnight snack. I wonder what my old fox is up to tonight? thought Geraldine as she sank into her duck egg blue French style high back armchair and reflected on the evening's events.

The Vicar had proved to be an erudite dinner guest and his droll witticisms had increased as the Chateauneuf du Pape flowed. The coq was a triumph made even more delicious by being simmered in a bottle of Rex's prized Domaine de la Romanee-Conti La Tache 2009 after being flambéed in his cherished Frapin Cuvée 1888. It certainly got the small impromptu party off to a swinging start, she mused.

A small frown crossed her delicate features as she recalled her exasperation at Henry's unexpected appearance. For all his courtly charm, he scuppered my plans for the evening, she thought, suddenly remembering that she was still wearing her Marie Jo 'Jane' basque and Cervin Champs Elysees silk stockings.

Here I am abandoned and lonely yet again, Geraldine sighed, as she leaned back and casually draped her right leg over the arm of the chair. Idly caressing her inner thigh, she giggled wantonly as it occurred to her that 'abandoned' accurately described her current feeling.

Rising to close the windows, Geraldine gazed out at the manicured gardens of the manor and its water meadows beyond. Suddenly an intermittent tiny red glow by the kitchen garden caught her attention. Jack! she exclaimed to herself as she recalled his sparse but agile body and the distinctive aroma of Percy Thrower's Finest Shag which permeated the customary scents of the potting shed.

Pulling the voiles close, Geraldine resolutely drew the heavy Harrods brocade curtains before rolling off her stockings and, still wearing her basque, slid between her crisp White Company Pimlico sheets. Her last thought before falling into the arms of Morpehus was 'I wonder if a beret would look out of place with a dog collar?'

[DobbinsVeil]

Meanwhile at Vanilla Cottage, home of the Smithen-Hydes', Hugh and Katherine were enjoying their evening ritual of port and cheese in the conservatory. Watching the pampas grass blow in the gentle breeze, Katherine let out a yawn.

Their daughter, Maisie had been Petronella and Scarlett's nanny. With their paternal and maternal grandparents' deceased, Katherine and Hugh had thoroughly embraced their role as surrogate grandparents. The feeling was very much mutual; the girls reveled in the loving but relaxed atmosphere at Vanilla Cottage and were willing visitors (unlike their peers who grumbled at their duty visits to extended family).

Maisie, (who's full name was Margaret, that she loathed), had long since left the village after her brother, William, had introduced her to a wealthy Swiss financier, David. A far cry from the girl who'd run off to London finding work as an au pair; then later as a nanny within the Primrose Hill postcode.

When her affair with a celebrity chef was publicly exposed, Maisie found herself outsted and had returned tail between legs to Farkin-on-the-Water.

Katherine still blamed herself for pushing her daughter too hard, always done with love but too much pressure nonetheless. She'd seen Geraldine display similar traits so always ensured the girls could enjoy their privacy and a somewhat more relaxed approach to their whereabouts.

The sound of a vehicle approaching stirred Katherine into action. She nudged Hugh who was snoring on the sofa and despatched him to bed.

Scarlett and Petronella let themselves in. Greeting them with a hug Katherine asked:
"Did you have a good night girls?"
"Yes it was fantastic, we're legends and totally dined out on our success" laughed Scarlett.
"Really shattered now, think I'll head straight to bed. Got my A levels starting next week" said Petronella.
"You'll do just fine" Katherine soothed "I'm off to bed now too. Sleep well girls" and retired to her bedroom.

Scarlett and Petronella ambled off to their room. They always shared at the cottage despite the availability of 3 other rooms.

"What are we going to do about mum" fretted Scarlett. "She is acting so weird, jetting off to France and now a text booking a spa day" Scarlett wrinkled her nose.
"She's just a bit stressed, probably the combination of you doing your AS levels and me doing my A2s has got to her" reasoned Petronella.
"But I hate spa days!" Wailed Scarlett. "And I wanted to see Jim"
"Come on Letty she means well and does a lot for us. It won't do any harm to no be so available to Jim. Next year you'll be finishing school and she'll have a completely empty nest." Countered Petronella.
"Yes Nell, you're right as ever."conceded Scarlett. "Poor mum, maybe she should get a new hobby. Like dogging!"
Both girls collapsed with laughter as they recalled how their mother had innocently asked what dogging was and her reaction to the answer.
"I'm going to be physically sick" Petronella mimicking her mother, pretending to retch.

Scarlett's phone bleeped "ooh a message from Jim" she squealed. Ensuring her sister was completely engrossed, Petronella checked her phone and was disappointed to find no new messages.

Petronella had known forever that she was gay but hid it. She knew her family (including Kathy and Hug ) would be accepting, but couldn't bear village life as the only gay in the village. Fortunately a keen rugby player in the next Village, Jago, was also gay and they had a benefit of friends fake relationship.

She was planning to come out to them all once at university. Despite being noticeable by his absence for large chunks of her life, she was reasonably sure her dad knew.

Though her parents' would be accepting of her sexuality she doubted they would be accepting of her partner who was closer to their age than Petronella's. Then again with no messages in 2 days Nell wondered if there was a relationship to hide at all. She drifted off to sleep to the sound of Scarlett giggling and pinging messages back and forth.

[Flyinggeese21]

Intrigued... Will Geraldine spot the envelope?... Why couldn't Rex's Little Slut get to the phone? Will Griselda become Little Slut's stand in? Has the Cheshire Scumbag overcommitted himself and does he care?...

[DoorToTheRiver]

He pulled his wife towards him so that her head nestled on his fine and manly chest and stroked her hair.

I bet this is exactly the sort of drivel romance you get in Mills & Boon. A new career beckons RexsLittleSlut

Dobbin...was unable to ignore the stirrings he felt every time he gazed at Buttercup the Jersey over the hedge in the next field. She had a way of flicking her tail that he found most enticing and her voluptuous udder made him want to throw caution to the wind and jump the fence. Absolutely brilliant GinSoakedBitchyPony