I think I might be ending my relationship 3 months before my wedding

[Alicialflorrickshair]

Crap crap crap name changed for obvious reasons

DP says that he doesn't feel he can marry me. He has developed feelings for a much younger work colleage over the last few months. We have been together 8 years and are supposed to be getting married in September. No DC.

My feelings haven't changed, I'm still as in love with him as I ever was. He says he still loves me too and still wants to be in our relationship but doesn't feel like he can marry me whilst he has feelings for someone else. I've told him that if we cancel the wedding then it is probably over for us completely as I can't see myself being able to get over that however pathetic that sounds.

Everything booked and paid for, mainly going to be letting down small local suppliers which is even worse.

I'm early 30s and also don't feel like time is on my side in relation to meeting anyone else and starting a family. I really don't a want this to be happening.

We have spent the whole weekend crying and talking about splitting up but it doesn't seem to be what either of us want. I'm convinced these feelings are in part a stress reaction from him, but he has panic attacks at the thought of the invitations being sent out so I doubt he is going to suddenly come round.

What a fucking mess.

That's a absolutely wonderful OP!!

I bet you couldn't be happier x

That's so lovely. Whats for you won't pass you by, eh?

I would like to say as well,

I read the responses at the time thinking 'but that just isn't us, they don't understand, they don't get it'

but they were all so fucking right.

Let that be a lesson. Mumsnetters are wise.

Wow, great update! congrats on your daughter and finding somebody new!

"I can't hate him for being honest." Maybe not "Isn't honesty what relationships should be based on?" Maybe,

but can you respect him and try to remain in a relationship with him when, in the words of Alibabs,

"he doesn't want to be the bad guy that calls off the wedding, so rather than doing to decent thing and ending things, he's trying to get you to make the decision, and therefore the one to do all the ringing round family, suppliers and so on"

"just revived this username to ask a question about a related situation but to give you all a conclusion"

OMG I didn't even notice it was a Zombie. Could you not have started a new thread and simply linked to your old one?

When I opened this thread I checked the date and thought "Oh here we go, spammers again"

And it wasnt! What a wonderful conclusion, I am so happy for you :)

This thread should be pinned at the top of the relationship board! Congratulations OP, so pleased it has all worked out for the best.

Yeah, so glad to see this update! Congrats on love of your life and baby :)

I hadn't actually looked at the dates (I never do, must start huh) and was thinking oh good lord, the writing's on the wall, you just need the right glasses to see it and then ta daaaaaa, your update.

Could you not have started a new thread and simply linked to your old one?

Its taken me two years to post an update because I thought it would look like attention seeking... pretty sure a whole new thread all about how much better my life now is would probably make my head explode with self consciousness!

I hadn't realised that this was an old thread until I saw your update, OP. How lovely to see a happy ending! Congratulations!

Alicialflorrickshair I am so pleased that this has all worked out for you and for him.

You did the wise, brave, right thing and it paid off. Well done.

Happy for you xxx

Congratulations!!! So very happy this turned out well.

A very good friend of mine is getting married in a couple of weeks and I'm doing planes trains and automobiles to be at their wedding. Similar thing happened to her and he married another girl 4 months after their split. She was devastated. Well she met her Prince Charming and I really think they are both happier in their relationships now.

Must have been quick to find the new man if your DD is 6 months old! Well done!!!!

I started reading the thread thinking 'God this sounds familiar' but then it's not an entirely unusual situation. Then I saw my own post (different user name) and thought 'What TWAT has revived this Zombie thread?! grrr' and was happily surprised to see it was YOU 😊 Fabulous update! Congratulations on all accounts 💐

I'm really pleased you updated.

Amazing update OP. So pleased for you.

Just interested though.. how long after calling off the wedding did he get with much younger colleague?? I know she was in a relationship too but I'm just wondering timeframes.

Congrats on your DD and more settled life 😍

Glad it worked out - said a lot about you that in the midst of your heartbreak you were concerned about letting down local suppliers bless.

Hope your thread gives those younger women on the relationships board hesitating about ending relationships with uncommitted men the push to do so.

Well done OP. He was telling you something, and you listened. And you got a much better ending. Lovely to hear.

Fab update!!

I don't think he loves you as deeply as he should. If he did he would not have allowed these feelings to flourish with someone else.... at the cost of your relationship and wedding and future together.

He may well be terrified to lose you, but for the wrong reasons. You are a comforting secure part of his life and that is in jeopardy. He can't have it both ways.....he wants you there but won't commit.

You are young. You can start again. Find someone that truly loves and adores you. This man isn't right for you.
Ask him to move out immediately.

Your self respect needs to kick in, you need to stop looking at his point of view and start looking at your own. He has wasted 8 whole years of your life already, don't let him waste any more of your time.

Amazing update OP! Just goes to prove you should never settle for second best even when you think time is running out

Oh wow just saw your update!!! That is amazing news! Feel very happy for you

Lovely to get that update.

I hadn't realised it was a Zombie thread but I'm glad everything worked out for the best. I think quite a lot of people would have stumbled into a marriage they weren't really ready for, in order to avoid the embarrassment of cancelling the wedding, so between you you did the hard but necessary thing.

Congratulations on your DD.