Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The Oddest Thing Just Happened - My Husband Just Strangled Me

423 replies

Quootiepie · 13/11/2006 12:09

We started to bicker over the smallest things (it started with me not washing something of DSs) and transfered onto my lack of doing the housework, which led me on to saying he wasnt perfect. He said "how" so I brought up abit about him telling his dad something personal about me, and he said dont talk about his dad (because he died a little while ago) and I said "whats the worst your going to do? Punch the wall again?" and he came over and put his hands round my neck and lifted me right off the chair...

I tried to call the police, but he kept grabbing the phone off me, but then he called them himself. They have just left. I dont really know what to think... or do to be honest...

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 00:58

well... I would never press charges... so to be honest, I dont really see the point. I know what he did, he knows what he did... and by tomorrow his mum will aswell (or all hell will break loose)...

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 14/11/2006 01:00

do you press charges i england? i don't know how that all works, to be honest, it's different up here. i'd be inclined to ask if you can put somethign on the record without pressing charges, in case there's a next time. tbh it sounds like he's not really facing up to what he's done if he hasn't told his mum.

spacemanspiff · 14/11/2006 01:01

omg. if someone did this to me and i couldn't breathe for 5-10 secs i would be shitting myself and deffo want to explain that properly to the police. would speaking 1 to 1 with a female officer help you with the nerves?

please phone the police again. in the am would be better esp if you've been on the wine tonight.

have you looked at your neck in a mirror in good light? i would expect to see some bruising. you need photos taken of it if there is any. for the record if for nothing else at this stage. like someone said. what may he do one day when you ds says the wrong thing and he is 'in the wrong mood'.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 01:02

he told her we had an arguement...which to me, makes me look bad like ive kicked him out over a tiff. I could have had him taken away... not sure charges were an option, they more or less told me before I said, they wouldnt arrest him.

OP posts:
mamama · 14/11/2006 01:03

Oh, Quootiepie, so sorry to hear about your awful day . Glad you've had plenty of Mners around for a bit of support. Nothing to add - Aitch has said everything I would say. Just wanted you to know I'd read this.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 01:03

I had a male officer... and we had to go to my bedrrom

not sure I want to dig DH in a hole... oh, I dunno...

OP posts:
spacemanspiff · 14/11/2006 01:03

yes, we are cross posting. sorry if this wasn't what you wanted to read again from someone else. i still think there will be bruising. have you been able to look properly at the back of your neck. i would let someone else look in good daylight. but i can't say i am speaking from experience.

mamama · 14/11/2006 01:06

Just to add, I agree with the others - check your neck tomorrow in good light and take pictures if there is any bruising. Sometimes they can take a day or two to show up.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 01:07

had a look just now, cant see any... will look again tomorrow throughout day and take pics if I see any

OP posts:
jinglybits · 14/11/2006 01:10

...so sorry. my ex did this to me. different senario, he doesn't live with ds and i but we were civil, he came around, i let him in, he attacked me screaming i was starving our son (loon) then had hands around my neck and i couldn't breathe for 5secs. i hid in bathroom, he kicked door down, i managed to find a sec whilst ds distracted him, called 999 and the police turned up. he calmly opened the door to them and i broke down sobbing and begging them to take him away from me. i asked them to hold him long enough for me to get away from my flat, they rang later to ask if i wanted to press charges, i said no (was uncharacteristic and he is ds's father, how could i) we are now 'waring' over ds, i feel afraid of him, he is irratically behaved, i wish i had pressed charges. he is completely delusional now and thinks i made the whole thing up and he did nothing. its not o.k for someone you trust to physically attack you, to prevent you breathing, in your own home, your safe place, its not o.k. its not excusable at all. you would be outraged if this happened to a loved one. its only now over a year later that its really sunk in to me what he did, its not o.k

AitchTwoOh · 14/11/2006 01:11

i can really understand that you don't want to 'drop him in it' but the fact is that you're actually the one who's in the shit here, you got strangled by your husband and the father of your child. as i said before that doesn't necessarily mean he's going to do it again (although when i said that he did seem to be more remorseful which is a bit of a worry).
i wonder if the thing to do is phone the station tomorrow and ask to speak to a female officer who deals with domestic violence (don't panic quootie, i'm going somewhere with this) and when you get her on the phone tell her that you want to have an off the record chat with her. tell her about the fact that your previous statement underplayed what happened and ask her what the consequences would be if you altered your statement but didn't want to press charges.
then come and tell us what she said...
if the consequences are somthing that you are not comfortable with then fine, leave it alone. but you might find that you can add to your statement and that it will be filed somewhere innocuous and only ever looked at if you need it in the future.
as i say i have no idea how it works but the fact is that what you have told them so far is untrue so i'd be inclined to sort that out if i could do without escalating things to a point where i was uncomfortable.
i'm certain that you wouldn't be the only person to ask those sorts of questions, and i'm sure you could do so without telling them who you are.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 01:11

DH seems awful on here...

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 14/11/2006 01:13

shit jinglybits, that sounds awful...

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 01:13

I dont actually think I gave a statement... thinking about it... I gave name/address details...

OP posts:
spacemanspiff · 14/11/2006 01:15

Q: it seems horrible to your because for you it is sort of an end of innocence in the relationship. it is hugs.

AitchTwoOh · 14/11/2006 01:15

i don't think he necessarily does, quootie, really... don't worry about that. i'm sure there are heaps of reasons why this will all work out well. but you really do need to be strong and he really does need to be repentant and to work hugely on his behaviour. (which unfortunatley it doesn't really sound like he's 'getting').

all im suggesting is that you get yourself a wee insurance policy by checking your neck for bruising and telling the police the true events of what happened today.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 01:15

sometimes I read all this and think why the hell am I with him???????

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 01:17

will give them a ring in morning... I think they are ringing tomorrow anyway mind you.

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 14/11/2006 01:17

agreed, spacemanspliff (spiff? C&H?), it's a shocker when someone completely crosses a boundary like that. and you can't un-cross it...

jinglybits · 14/11/2006 01:18

would def see about that statement. its just to have it on record. i brushed it under the table like it was no big deal but it is a big deal, it is very raw for you right now and you must be feeling terribly shocked. it is an admirable thing to have a lot of love for a man , to se the good in someone but do think about it, how would you feel if your sister or friend told you this had happened to them

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 01:19

spacemanspliff lol

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 01:19

tell them to get the hell out of the relationship I hate seeing our relationship from the outside...

OP posts:
spacemanspiff · 14/11/2006 01:20

yes mon. t'is my rasta name.

AitchTwoOh · 14/11/2006 01:20

of course it's spiff...

listen to jingly, quootiepie, she knows what she's talking about.

jinglybits · 14/11/2006 01:23

well, as we all know all relationships are different form the inside rather than how they look on the outside. you could get past this its not impossible, if you both want to. but it will affect you, it has changed things i would just say that i think its a bad sign if he can't face up to it and tell his mother, its a stones throw to denial, which doesn't help him or you. because ultimately you want to feel safe with him which means he needs to deal with his behaviour