HOBBIT’S BAR – still finding it hard to move on…part 10

[bobs123]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, ask for advice, relate to others in the same situation, take a break and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her. Sorry, she's been ousted by a pineapple in this 1st post, but sure she will feature if the lazy caaah gets off her...
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.
7. Random Guys feature on here too

Our theme tune is

My name is bobs, 55, married almost 23 years, 2 DDs 21 & 18 who have NC with their Dad. Nisi granted April 2014 on the basis of 2 year separation while living in the same house. Tried solicitors for over a year to sort out the financials, then mediation for 6 months which didn’t work, as due to his PA nature he is all but supine and unable to contribute. Sold our family home over a year ago and have been living in rental as he had the house proceeds frozen. He was then given a choice of accepting my proposal or going to arbitration or court. Still waiting…

Link to last thread here

Link to 1st thread - if you have a spare week or so and want to read the lot here

News from Planet Dickhead.

He is not a real solicitor. I know that because I haven't received any emails this evening. I also know that he's a PA twat.

H took dd out for a couple of hours earlier, managed to find a little thing to grumble about, his daughter is clean, fed, clothed and as happy as she can be (no thanks to him) but he has to find something to criticise, twat.

When he brought her back he asked if I wanted to take over a direct debit to the vets, for £10.99 a month, which I've already had transferred to my account and I've paid this month, so now he can't even read a bank statement properly, twat.

Ooh Braving you have been tinkering with the bank accounts? Shame on you! I've been told to leave the accounts alone. Because HE knows about them. Yeah I learned absolutely nothing about banking in my previous job....in personal lending. For a major bank. Idiot!

Izzie I just helpfully instructed the sto take the direct debit from my account as he is now pretty much ignoring the dog he previously adored.

Unfortunately he's looking at his May statement, and I'm one step ahead of him.

H has never had anything to do with the household finances and doesn't have a clue, although now he finds himself in reduced circumstances financially he'll have to take more interest and rein in his spending, such a shame.

I have a lump in my throat thinking about it....

What an idiot braving not the sharpest knife in the box is he?
And how dare he ignore ddog, I hate him even more now,

You need to get that seen too Izzie , could be contagious,

Your lump that is , and I don't mean the ex... Boom boom ...

I may rethink getting a dog again in the long term. Now that my life will change. Not yet though, need to see how finances pan out. Plus I hate to say it but for the time being I'm enjoying having a cleaner house. Or rather it would be cleaner if I had time to actually clean it in between decorating, sorting, packing etc. .......

Yahahahaha. < my Basil Brush impersonation>

Hello ladies, just checking in, been picking apart a consent order and generally being pissed off....thank GOD for nominal orders is all I can say...am off to bed before I blow a gasket.....:-(

Ok, Green. Deep breaths, waves waving, rain raining, candles candling etc.

You are worth it, he isn't. Simples.

X

I have decided to visit the dark side....
Coz I'm a nosy caah....

And it's all going on over on the dark side, isn't it

Normal life has officially been suspended.

Woo hoo Hobbit good for you

Morning all.

I'm having my teeth whitened this morning, pure vanity, but anything that helps my confidence is worth it. I'm not looking forward to it I'll probably be gagging all the way through, I'm going to take my kindle so I can read and try to take my mind off it.

Be careful braving my love, a friend of mine had lots of problems with sensitivity after having it done, she does have lovely white teeth though.

Morning. Raining here but Mr HRT not and so I'm feeling not too bad.

fuckit last exam not til towards the end of June. :-(
How are you doing today? X

Further maths? Those are all son number three has left now. I am soproud of the way he has balanced work and play the last few weeks.

Me? Honestly I don't know. Bit fed up. Bit confused.

Grievance meeting not until end of month, Unuon advise not going in until that is dealt with. Work have made a small concession. I just feel as though I can't face is but I miss my kids. I would miss helping them through this hard end of year. Can't think properly about it all. And the student I fired a few weeks agin and has turned a little stalkerish is sleeping with my son here at home right now.

Need to get car cleaned take photos and sell. Buy a cheap, £800ish one and risk bills. Buy a newer one and risk defaulting on loans. I can't make any monthly commitments right now can I?

Thanks for asking 1. I don't know sums me up today.

fuckit you've got such a lot going on. I guess the only thing to do is just Koko - what choice do any of us have really. DS doing GCSEs - still loads to do unfortunately. Car thing a conundrum. I guess, buy the best you can reasonably afford and hope for the best??x

Fuckit it's nearly impossible to make good decisions when under considerable stress - that's not you being 'weak' that's true for absolutely everyone.

If your union is advising time off, you know what - take the advice. YOU need a break. YOU need to recharge those batteries because it's not good to be running on empty all the time.

I've got this impression (rightly or wrongly) that you've spent two years 'faking it 'til you make it' - which is mighty fine as an approach for some but it also means, perhaps, that it perpetuates the denial and suppresses the pain of it all, so eventually it all has to come out one way or another - and that's going to in terms of our mental and physical health. Perhaps you need some 'falling apart time' where you actually ask (and get) good help in order to help you come to terms with your new life and start the rebuilding process.

I am the first to tell people to have a bloody good cry and kick back at people telling us to 'move on' and 'get over it' because it's just not that simple nor that easy. Getting to meh is not a choice (if it were we would all decide immediately to go meh) but a case of acknowledging when we have 'meh' moments and knowing it's a sign of progress, not the end of it.

Had my sol's bill for May yesterday. This is the bill for after mediation stopped. SF sent a letter giving him choices on what to do next, consequences of no action being court, and also involved my sol bringing his new sol up to date. Total (inc. discount!) = £600. £600 for exactly nothing happening! Shit

Although I would normally advocate doing what you can to avoid going to court, if you have a twat like mine who is going to procrastinate every step of the way, court is the only option. And of course it doesn't have to go all the way!

My solicitor hasn't sent me a bill for my last visit yet, it came almost immediately the first time. I haven't started proceedings yet so we're not into the fixed price bit yet, I'm not chasing.