HOBBIT’S BAR – still finding it hard to move on…part 10

[bobs123]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, ask for advice, relate to others in the same situation, take a break and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her. Sorry, she's been ousted by a pineapple in this 1st post, but sure she will feature if the lazy caaah gets off her...
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.
7. Random Guys feature on here too

Our theme tune is

My name is bobs, 55, married almost 23 years, 2 DDs 21 & 18 who have NC with their Dad. Nisi granted April 2014 on the basis of 2 year separation while living in the same house. Tried solicitors for over a year to sort out the financials, then mediation for 6 months which didn’t work, as due to his PA nature he is all but supine and unable to contribute. Sold our family home over a year ago and have been living in rental as he had the house proceeds frozen. He was then given a choice of accepting my proposal or going to arbitration or court. Still waiting…

Link to last thread here

Link to 1st thread - if you have a spare week or so and want to read the lot here

Yes, you make a good point there braving, it would be interesting to know others experiences of this.

Have you lost contact with friends who say they won't take sides, and want to stay friendly with both parties?

I think I only have a few who do still see my ex, and only on committees etc, not in a social way with OW. But then I suppose they still say hello in the pub, they don't blank him.
Some one said to my best friend , "well, I think it's wrong to take sides, you don't know what went on"

She soon put them them right, saying yes, it is right actually, when he's treated my friend really badly, and shit on his family from a great height, I think there's every reason to take Hobbit's side.

This is why she's my best friend..

Aww Hobbit it's nice to have friends

Speaking of friends one of mine is a medical herbalist and has made me a prescription herbal tea which calms me down almost instantly. I'd recommend seeing one if you need something but want to avoid prescribed drugs.

sorry ladies havent caught up - feeling scared about Monday and that voice has crept in thinking if I had done things differently would we still be here - I know its not all down to me and I gave him plenty of chances just not sure how Im going to cope - such a bloody mess!

Try to stay calm my lovely, as I can vouch, the fear of the event is worse than the event itself, you will be fine, a bit nervous, yes, that's only natural.

You just need to keep focused on your children and yourself and what is fair going forward for you. You didn't choose this , the fault is not yours to claim, the only reason you are in court is his unreasonable attitude to negotiation.

You have tried your utmost to come to an agreement between yourselves, but he has played games at every turn, it's time for that to stop.

You did what you could to try and save your marriage, he did not, and betrayed you very cruelly and then behaved in a callous and intimidating manner, even when you were being treated for breast cancer.

Keep your head my love, we are all with you, thinking of you and supporting you, you need to be strong now, this is your future you're dealing with, KOKO , Green xx

Yes green we're thinking of you. I can only suggest you try to do stuff to keep your mind off it (not too much though!!!)

As you say, you gave him plenty of chances - you did your best

Green I echo what Hobbit has said, couldn't have out it better myself. You go, girl, thinking of you xxxxxx

thank you hobbit bobs & izzie your support is invaluable and has been all the time I have been on here!

best get my steel balls polished and practise my dave strutt - how many times have I said this to others - so much harder to take your own advice - the feeling of panic has returned to the pit of my stomach - it just suddenly hit me - best find a distraction other than the food cupboard!

I find chatting to other people helps and makes the time go by faster, or do an Izzie and clear a cupboard.garage/house out

Haha Green has other distractions

I need a distraction :)

green

Yep, polish those steel balls up, green my love, so they blind him with their steely shininess < is that a word? , well it is now>

And distractions are good, especially of the < ahem> SB kind,

I want a really BIG distraction.......

Hobbit

Here's our lovely girl with a special jessagram for the gorgeous and fragrant Green, polished steel balls and pineapple in place for Monday.
Kick his sorry arse, babe.....

Ps. The cushions for you wise ya wily old bird ....

Ps. I may have had cider.... Didn't have any wine,

Good luck green not surprising that you're nervous and you probably have everything going around your head right now but that's good in a way because you end up mentally preparing yourself. Remember you have right of your side and thankfully that counts for a lot when it comes to court. He has much more reason to be nervous than you. Steel balls going in, dave strut coming out, that'll be you on Monday.

Aww Jess so cute. Why cider?

Oh durr you mean you had no wine in the house?

No, izzbob no wine.... Tragic I know, shouda made a list ..

Wine
Toilet roll
Chocolate
Wine
Crisps < food of the gods, especially kettle chips>
Wine
Batteries

More crisps

Fizzy wine < posh caah me>
Very large distraction < may have to go to John Lewis for 2 year guarantee>

Hobbit' s back!

Aww Hobbit I luffs ya. I would wing you some wine, seeing as how I rarely drink but I regularly buy it........

I want to know what the obsession is about toilet rolls. I wipe my arse and stuff of course but all the same........do you lot make models from the cardboard tubes afterwards?

I've been able to slash the toilet roll budget since H left.

Very large distraction < may have to go to John Lewis for 2 year guarantee

I'm intrigued !!

Pick me up some plastic boxes will you? I've taken up collecting them. Stamps are so passé

I can get things other than fruit and cereal in the fridge and cupboards now he's left. I wonder if he eats pineapples. I'm wondering if it might act as a voodoo sort of thing