HOBBIT’S BAR – still finding it hard to move on…part 10

[bobs123]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, ask for advice, relate to others in the same situation, take a break and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her. Sorry, she's been ousted by a pineapple in this 1st post, but sure she will feature if the lazy caaah gets off her...
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.
7. Random Guys feature on here too

Our theme tune is

My name is bobs, 55, married almost 23 years, 2 DDs 21 & 18 who have NC with their Dad. Nisi granted April 2014 on the basis of 2 year separation while living in the same house. Tried solicitors for over a year to sort out the financials, then mediation for 6 months which didn’t work, as due to his PA nature he is all but supine and unable to contribute. Sold our family home over a year ago and have been living in rental as he had the house proceeds frozen. He was then given a choice of accepting my proposal or going to arbitration or court. Still waiting…

Link to last thread here

Link to 1st thread - if you have a spare week or so and want to read the lot here

I got e cigs but still prefer the real thing. I need to make the switch though. I haven't yet decided when......

WWK is right you don't realise just how much stress you're under until its over. Suddenly you can breathe a bit easier and sleep for a bit longer. Suddenly you realise just how bad the stress was making you feel. I've found myself wondering if I've done any damage to myself with all those months of stress. One way to look at it is that the sooner you can get your divorces over and done with the sooner you can start feeling better. Oh and my UB reasons were shocking and not at all bland. His threats to contest came to nothing. He signed and returned it. Their solicitors usually explain to them that contesting is a pointless waste of money.

Waiting for iwas to pop in and say she can't survive without chocolate haha

I'm not saying that you should give shocking reasons if bland ones will suffice btw just saying that you don't need to worry too much about their threats to contest.

Definitely tea and chocolate for me.

Right! Hobbit's bar is all about offering support to those struggling with the ending of their marriages/relationships. So here's Hobbit Bar's official shopping essentials for those who are lurking or about to enter the divorce dual carriage way as RMA calls it.

Just print and get in the car (or online).

Shopping lists for divorcing peeps

Toilet Roll
Wine
Tea
Wine
Milk
Wine
Cola (then you need Bicardi)
Wine
Bread
Wine
Fags (or chocolate, or both!)
Wine
£50 cash back at the 'til, then round to the cash-point, if you're having a court-led divorce.

Anything else?

Cereal for when you feel like eating again but you can only manage something bland, I managed 3 spoonful's of porridge on about day 5.

ummmm more wine?

Cigarettes
Cola
Cigarettes
Cigarettes
Mini cheddars
Wine
Cigarettes
Mini cheddars
Lemonade
Lighters. 100

Oh bugger, forgot the lemonade. Oh wait, I have some cream soda. I have a plan......

Frizzy get your arse over to the dark side.....

Question, how do the kids know I'm on this thread? Cos I'm laughing again....

what is going on a date tonight.......

Do we all get some vicarious nookie tonight, or is it climbing out of the ladies toilets and doing a runner? Obviously Grabbing all the toilet roll in the process. Every little helps

Not going in, the sick feeling has gone a little. I now need to plan cover tasks to email in. Will spend some time tomorrow job hunting. X

Izzie

RMA

Fuckit ... I am sitting at home with the radio on but you are in my thoughts lovely person . Please do listen - time to stop - put your hand up & say you need more help. I have done this on numerous occasions at work & I think I will until I get my divorce. So don't feel like you are on your own. You are far from alone on here.

Use this as your support. Everyone is here for you. So remember it please. Much random man alert love to you.

To everyone else KOKO. Having a red wine to soothe myself.

One day going to try an Izzietini probably on Absolute day.

xxx.

I think you are right to take some time out Fuckit.you desperately need time off the roundabout

fuckit My

Goodness - so feel for you. A horrible situation xx

I'm off to have a bath then bed. Knackered and in danger of oversleeping tomorrow. Sorry I haven't commented on various posts. But I have read them all. KOKO all. The support on here is fantastic. Xxx

what good for you nice to know someone's getting some action! My my snogging in the cinema [bush]

Morning all.
what you are very brave! I totally get the desire to just be happy again, laugh and have some fun. Take care though - I'm not sure it's good to look at one man and wish it were another...... God - not only am
I beginning to look like my mother but I'm sounding like her too. Ignore me!

I feel so tired. I really do need to be able to sleep properly again soon. Got a flipping fund raising thing after work today. Goodness knows what time I'll be home. I feel I only just about get through the day, have a rewind with music on drive home and sometimes a quick cry and then the whole family thing starts up and so normal brave face required and then it's paper work, collapse into bed and lie here worrying about the future. I am recovering and sometimes feel optimistic and occasionally excited but this is sooo tough. At least HRT is beginning to look like shit and he says he feels like shit too. Good. I'm bloody glad.

DS1 said yesterday that it'll be a good weekend with all the family together again..... I'm not sure they have any idea. Unbelievable that that may seem. Perhaps he was testing me though? Said it to see what I'd say. Dog walk then work for me KOKO xx

When is the last exam 1? X

Random man, thank you.

Wonderful women, thank you.

It is two years since he left, at least six months since I realised he was not coming back, actually if I am honest I still wonder. I would love the baby too I think. Anyway, rubbish, no way can he come back. I just miss him. Especially when life is a bit hard. No one to share decisions with. I am not going in. I beleive I will be pushed until I cry at work again and I am really too pissed off to let them do it.

Right, off to compose email and send in cover tasks for today.

You really appreciate good friends and a good employer at times like these, the flip side being you also realise who you need to ditch.