HOBBIT’S BAR – still finding it hard to move on…part 10

[bobs123]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, ask for advice, relate to others in the same situation, take a break and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her. Sorry, she's been ousted by a pineapple in this 1st post, but sure she will feature if the lazy caaah gets off her...
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.
7. Random Guys feature on here too

Our theme tune is

My name is bobs, 55, married almost 23 years, 2 DDs 21 & 18 who have NC with their Dad. Nisi granted April 2014 on the basis of 2 year separation while living in the same house. Tried solicitors for over a year to sort out the financials, then mediation for 6 months which didn’t work, as due to his PA nature he is all but supine and unable to contribute. Sold our family home over a year ago and have been living in rental as he had the house proceeds frozen. He was then given a choice of accepting my proposal or going to arbitration or court. Still waiting…

Link to last thread here

Link to 1st thread - if you have a spare week or so and want to read the lot here

I am too fugly for facebook, sorry!

Anyway, I must go to bed as I have to wurk tomorrow. Wurk is good. WWK will also be mostly putting on 3 and a 1/2 stone in about 3 and a half days at the current eating rate. Food is good here too. This is probably a good thing since I've been cutting back on drinking, I am was still losing weight and definitely now officially on the scrawny side. This is good though because it makes me safe from cannibals.

Hope you're feeling better Frizz and glad to see you back.

Cassa one year, one month and nine days here. Last bad day was two days ago. You sound very low (and why shouldn't you?) but do think about counselling/seeing a GP/forcing yourself out of the house in order to break the rut. I know it's hard. And no one cares that your house is a mess [hypocrite emoticon] but although I normally like a reasonably clean and tidy house, the fact that I can't face housework has been a stick I've beaten myself with many times. I can't do it, feel shit for not doing it, then go back to not being able to face it, ever decreasing circles. It helps to say "y'know what - today I ain't doing the bleeding housework" just because you can make that choice, and be okay with it.

semtex I am going to need a IT degree to work out where you've gone wrong with that one, I'm afraid. Sadly, I don't but it made me giggle.

Night all.

It does seem a farce doesn't it, here's a gift but half of it belongs to me!! I did point out to the mediator that we must be sure to put his brand new bmw and two boats on the form too.....

Four and a half months here. There's a real dent in the skin but I had worn it for 20 years.

I gave mine a Rolex for a wedding present. Wonder what that's worth He would so hate to go through the hassle of getting anything valued, but will have no problem in asking me yo get any jewellery I might inherit from my Mum valued. Not really sure how far it all needs to be taken if court gets involved.

Just tonight Izzie?

(sorry couldn't resist, me old mucker).

I had my first ever, real, proper day of worshipping at the Mecca of Meh. Okay, it's only one day - but the first day in 13 and a half months, is a day to be remembered. I even had lots of genuine belly laughs. Life's going to be okay, I think.

Take care yourself.

As long as it's over £500, in to the pot it goes. Pictures count too apparently, or any art.

Still got the marriage scar here too. But it is fading...

Fear not ladies, I took mine off about a year ago and there's no dent or mark now. This ring never left my finger even once for over 20 years so it was quite a big thing fo me - and I thought seriously about just flushing it down the toilet. However I'd prefer the £20

Fortunately my rings were loose, no scars thankfully.

It is very quiet here, I think everybody's on FB...! So lovely to see faces.

WWK, you are NOT FUGLY, how dare you! Sorry I missed call, was in bath, I will call you tomorrow night. Glad you had a good day my darling :-) xx

H has a very expensive watch, the value of which more than cancels out all my jewellery so I was planning to just say, you're keeping your watch and I'm keeping my jewellery, this is assuming we can reach an agreement on equity and pensions without getting into court.

I've made a list which shows that the higher value items I'm "happy" for him to walk away with more than justifies the things I want to keep, which is basically all the household contents, nothing valuable individually but worth a lot to me, and would cost a lot to replace.

My rings were quite loose as well, so there's no visible scar, and the recent sunshine evened out the white bit.

People at work have commented my sense of humour is coming back, and has remained as always firmly in the gutter :)

I managed a bit of a flirt today.

Just tonight Izzie?

I was just about to ask what that was about WWK. And then I found out. Sort of proves the point. You caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh

I'm all secret squirrel tonight. A virgin no more. But fumbling my way around. Is that cryptic enough?

Ha ha Izzie...I am a pro, so do ask if you get stuck.

I have just been really naughty over there...

Morning all

Predictably no reply from PD on various emails. I'm thinking of renaming him PAT, for PA Twat. And then of course, if I chase, he will turn on me. I may revert to Plan A, which is to just leave things as they are with him, but carrying on with my sorting out, which will need to be done anyway, but at least I won't have him in my head. Presumably when he wants a divorce and financial settlement he will get his finger out. Meantime, he can save the roleplay to NN, which will make a change from doctor and psychiatrist. I'm not wasting my time on this. That's how I feel today. Maybe I will push for the divorce, I don't know, but quite frankly, as long as I don't have to engage with him, life is good anyway.

My posts are very ranty and sweary when he's surfaced, it's true.

Great news on your first day at -school- wurk and well done you x

Izzie yes Jesus did eat steak and owl pie x

I'll get me coat [bush]

Morning had a quick catch up but am none the wiser.......

izzie have I totally missed the point or are you enjoying being single because you've 'met' someone??

Is everyone on FB now or something? Not sure about that. I'm 'friends' with my DD and H but don't use it other than for son's cricket news really. I hope you'll all still post here too??

Things moving quickly here although still wearing just the wedding ring here. I took off the eternity ring first, then engagement and now just one left. I didn't want questions from anyone - kids especially. Another 2 weeks to go.

cassa your post sounded very sad. I sob like a loon frequently still too and somedays recently have felt every minute a struggle. I think it's tricky to recognise when the misery becomes something that needs a visit to GP? We are all here for you and you seem to have RL support? Everyone but everyone says it gets easier and so knowing that and truly believing it helps me loads. Look after yourself.

Oh God, look at the time. KOKO xxx

Morning 1 no they're not all on fb, think we're just the first of few up this morning, have a good day all

I been taking selfies this morning. Secret squirrel mission......

I'm none the wiser izzie

Izzie are you thinking about replacing the tree, coded, roger over and out

Morning all, feeling positive this morning, so far.

living nods as good as a wink to a blind owl

say no more say no more

Hello all,

Good to hear some of you feeling so positive and moving forward.
I'm afraid I'm in the struggling camp here, I know I'll never have answers but I just keep wondering why. If he was having an affair, why conceive. Baby with me and then if he hates me why punish the children? I'm terrified of him getting in touch every day, I would find it so traumatic now for dd and I to see him but on the other hand can a grown man really walk away and never see his unborn baby?! All the unanswerable questions!
No expensive jewellery here not that we were married, he had an expensive watch which we bought him but he's already sold that for money to spend on OW. I've done ok in keeping the laptop, the camera most of the house contents but he has obviously left me in a position where I can't work at the moment. Being sat at home definitely doesn't help with over thinking.
Sorry all, rant over