HOBBIT’S BAR – still finding it hard to move on…part 10

[bobs123]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, ask for advice, relate to others in the same situation, take a break and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her. Sorry, she's been ousted by a pineapple in this 1st post, but sure she will feature if the lazy caaah gets off her...
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.
7. Random Guys feature on here too

Our theme tune is

My name is bobs, 55, married almost 23 years, 2 DDs 21 & 18 who have NC with their Dad. Nisi granted April 2014 on the basis of 2 year separation while living in the same house. Tried solicitors for over a year to sort out the financials, then mediation for 6 months which didn’t work, as due to his PA nature he is all but supine and unable to contribute. Sold our family home over a year ago and have been living in rental as he had the house proceeds frozen. He was then given a choice of accepting my proposal or going to arbitration or court. Still waiting…

Link to last thread here

Link to 1st thread - if you have a spare week or so and want to read the lot here

frizzy I can vaguely remember how I was at seven weeks. It must have been on top of Xmas. Still very difficult. kOKO babe xx

Toast unless your engagement and wedding ring are worth enormous amounts of money, it is unlikely that the court will be interested. My bastard ex tried to get my mother's engagement ring listed which was left to me after her death. It was the lowest of the low frankly. Mind you, this is the man who sold the kids' shares to buy OW knickers...

Inevitably the jewellery didn't matter.

GO IZBOBS!

Frizzy, it is such early days for you my darling, take good care of yourself. Anniversaries are so difficult. When my H left, his birthday was a couple of weeks later, our anniversary and Christmas followed straight on top of that. Frankly, looking back, it was good to get all of those out of the way immediately. I was more upset he lied about working away for a client during his birthday week thus not seeing tiny DS but when we came to disclosure I discovered that he had gone on holiday with OW, spending a fortune "celebrating"...the worse thing was on his actual birthday he sent me a string of pitiful texts about being on his own in the cold van, no cards or presents, desperately lonely and missing DS...when in reality he was in an expensive restaurant and staying at OW's holiday home (actually OW's dead husband's parents' holiday home to be prescise, vomit inducing). Believe me that anniversary will mean nothing to you in a years' time...because that is how they make it. So make it an anniversary for yourself..and do something lovely

come on .. there must be more fb ers on ere or are there only a few of us nosey caahs out there

living, nosy caahs, speak for yerself. Jesus!

Frizzy I love my rings but took them off the day he left. I've worn them on the other hand a few times and a couple of times on my ring finger but for some reason I get more embarrassed about not wearing them ... As if it makes me look sad ... Don't know why.
toast when my solicitor asked about any valuables and I mentioned the rings she just dismissed that, so like what MrsC says I don't see them counting.
Lol, my mar is probably still paying for the eternity ring he bought me 2 years ago !!!! What a joke that turned out to be !
what just pm me or living or braving ? Few others on there too and we find you on fb and add you ??... Simples

I've just joined face book toobeen a god send in some ways, pm me too ladies, only joined about 18 years after everyone else lol, lovely catching up with old friends though, some I'm glad I left behind a good few that I shouldn't have, God I think there's a world out there fuck you Mr Frizzy hope you drown in your self pity honey bunny, I'm getting new bras tomorrow, I'm 8.5 stone and once I've got these black bags from under my eyes I'm gonna be a minx, HaHaHa cunt sorry girls getting carried away

My wedding ring was at the jewellers when H left, being rhodium plated to look nice with the new eternity ring I had on order to replace the original one that was stolen a few weeks earlier when we were burgled. A friend collected it for me and I just never put it back on, thankfully I was able to cancel the eternity ring.

Having my jewellery stolen at least meant I got to replace items with sentimental value with new pieces, an odd blessing in disguise.

I can't get used to not wearing rings though, I've only just stopped instinctively trying going to take them off with my watch at bedtime.

I'm on Facebook if anybody wants to friend.

Frizzy go and buy yourself some Puffy Eye Attack by Soap & Glory...and a tube of Rimmel Wake Me Up concealer...a killer combination and no more baggy eyes...

The facebook group is a secret group, the only way to become a member is for an existing member to add you to the group, and the only way to find out about the group is through this thread, it won't show up on a facebook search.

So as long as members are careful to only add regulars from this thread we'll be OK, I'd suggest if you're not sure someone is a regular you should PM Hobbit or another of the long standing regulars to check. People are sharing their real names and identities, so better to risk offending someone by checking and/or declining to add them than to risk adding someone who'll cause a problem.

Oi Izzie I',m not Jesus but the ex No.6 actually was or so he thought

Braving I'll PM you.

Re the fb group, I think it's a lovely idea. The one concern I would have, other that already mentioned, is that it could be a problem of anyone's ex knows their password and would therefore have access. This has already been a problem with email accs for some on this thread

It's probably a good idea to change all your passwords, I had a standard one I used for everything, so I changed them all just in case, I don't think H would login but you never know once things turn nasty. I assume he's done the same otherwise I could login to all his accounts.

Toast you only need to worry about things that have an individual value of over £500 - most wedding rings, irrespective of what you paid for them (highly over-priced in most cases) aren't worth any more than their weight in gold, which ain't that much!

Anything over £500 must be declared (even if sold) but if you're financially on your knees and you consume some of it reasonably, then it's unlikely to be a bother.

However, if there's any question that you're selling it out of greed or spite - then don't. It really has to be needs must sort of case.

But this only matters if you're having a court-based divorce and things are out of hand...

Rings. Seven months since removing wedding ring I still have the mark there. It MAY get to a stage where I want to date ha bloody ha, but I don't want to look like some dodgy caah who has just taken off her rings, iyswim. As for looking sad, nah I'm proud to be single now, and anyway, not being married doesn't mean you're not in a relationship as far as the outside world is concerned.

living was it your twunt who was the steak and ale man? It was on the pub menu I went to on Saturday, couldn't help laughing

Apparently my wedding ring is worth £20!

How's it going WWK ? Have you started your new job yet?

WWK - yes that's pretty much what they said. It wasn't so much the wedding ring, but engagement and eternity and any other jewellery. STBEH kindly reminded me of the watch he bought me for my birthday, so now that's on the form too.

Izzie - I still have a mark too. Wonder when it fades?

How's it going WWK ? Have you started your new job yet

She finished work at five and is still on the way home.......

toast I'm seven months ringless and marked. How about you?

Jewellery gifts from the ex being marital property. Makes a farce of present giving, doesn't it?

Ah moooother you're back, I'm a bit dense tonight. How are ya?