HOBBIT’S BAR – still finding it hard to move on…part 10

[bobs123]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, ask for advice, relate to others in the same situation, take a break and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her. Sorry, she's been ousted by a pineapple in this 1st post, but sure she will feature if the lazy caaah gets off her...
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.
7. Random Guys feature on here too

Our theme tune is

My name is bobs, 55, married almost 23 years, 2 DDs 21 & 18 who have NC with their Dad. Nisi granted April 2014 on the basis of 2 year separation while living in the same house. Tried solicitors for over a year to sort out the financials, then mediation for 6 months which didn’t work, as due to his PA nature he is all but supine and unable to contribute. Sold our family home over a year ago and have been living in rental as he had the house proceeds frozen. He was then given a choice of accepting my proposal or going to arbitration or court. Still waiting…

Link to last thread here

Link to 1st thread - if you have a spare week or so and want to read the lot here

Have just sent msg asking for contribution towards food and electricity seeing ds is coming home next weekend.... I can hear the explosion from here
What's the bet that answer will include a no and a "you must be f'ing joking !!!" Feeling a bit edgy but just ran out of heating oil and needed to pay for that... Why I am feeling the need to justify comes from years of never ever receiving cash from him and never seeing a pay slip.... Apparently none of my business ..
Braving don't forget to add me as I can't find you lol xx

'Och aye the noo and all that malarkey ..... ' HEY hobbit we don't all say that you know ;-))

WWK good luck in Haggisland ( I am allowed to say that ) - which side or part? Can you say on here? My original home....

Not in Essex and not in Oxfordshire or Hampshire ( adjoining the latter) ...been on a long walk with a Meet Up group again today - sunny weather, great scenery and so many people who are on their own and looking for a bit of company. However I was getting checked out by another woman in the Tesco Express - there's life in the old dog yet ..............yes you read it correct.....

is that bad English? Too tired to think - been up and down hills and over so many stiles!

Wise...ha ha! How lovely! Be flattered

Am so excited for WWK, this is just what she needs and will no doubt be fabulous at it, as she is at so many things!

Re : Self-repping, yes it's time consuming and stressful but actually not that difficult. Wikivorce is a very useful resource but I found buying a law book covering the subject very helpful. Unfortunately, more and more people are forced to self-rep these days due to the expense of solicitors and barristers and I think the courts are sympathetic to that fact. You also heavily rely on orders to obtain the information you need. In my case, even the OW received a summons for failure to disclose and even then her disclosure was dodgy. It is not an experience I would wish to repeat I have to say.

I have been thinking about Father's Day today and I know it was discussed upthread. It does amuse me, ex-twunt used to get very annoyed and indignant that DD's father didn't ever bother with Mother's Day for me. He found it "disgusting". Yet, here we are, and since he left he has bothered with neither Christmas nor birthdays, although I have ensured that he has had a card or present from DS on every occasion. The one that hurt me most was the first Mother's Day on my own. I just thought it was cruel beyond belief that he couldn't have got a bunch of flowers or a card from DS. I now don't bother at all. I am sure that OW showers him with gifts and praise for being a wonderful step-parent (to 7th or 8th step-child, we've all lost count now) but it doesn't sit well with me I have to say.

Well I've found the perfect card for my two for Father's Day

It's Sunday. Both my sons are at home. Planet Dickhead will be in Chavland. So why has he not arranged to see his sons??

Oh wait a minute, he's seen them a handful of times already. In the last seven months. Counting on one hand. The hand being that of someone who has lost some fingers in the meat grinder......

If I add in the times he's been over here and said "hi DS2 how's work?", and the reply was "ok", end of conversation, then I can increase that amount.

Ooh WWK I've just realised. i love a man in a suit with a Scottish accent. That's my ultimate turn on. Im on my way......

oops sorry couldn't find one of Gerard Butler in a suit - Hmmmmm......izzie et al

wise that topless picture, it looks like he's wearing a string vest

i dont want to do this anymore - i am fed up of being the one who has to shoulder most of the responsibility of the kids- for the house that was chosen together - I now have to pay out £1000 for water rates - im doing everything i did before now with the added worry that somehow I am going to have to pay for it all. I want to fuck off & live somewhere that requires no effort, where all i have to do is think about the kids once a week & every other weekend - hes done a good job this weekend on the kids about why he doesn't need to pay for me - the insurance policy was taken out for the mortgage or school fees if either of us got ill - yes it was but it was also taken out assuming we would stay married - i am fed up of having to think about the kids first - always - and having to deal with the shit after they have spent a weekend with him - I am fed up of having to consider the feelings of everyone else except myself.

all the posts of fathers only paying til the kids are 16/18 - what happens after this then - do they stop eating, needing clothes etc
i was the only one who didnt hand in the course work today - this was meant for me - but got scuppered!

I know what this mood is all about X not doing what he should be and with tomorrow being a monday wondering whats in store from shl.

sorry ladies just having a blub!

well great news re job - start of something new and exciting

what i want to know is there any man out there that at some point down the line admits and apologises for treating his wife and kids like shit - admits that what he put them through was all about how he felt about himself and nothing really to do with what they had done/didnt do - is there just one that could hold his hand up and say yep that was all my fault - i put you through hell because i wasn't man enough to face up to my responsibilities and my own dissatisfaction- just one that would make sense of all this!

green I totally get you, it's shit piled on shit ad nauseum, isn't it? That saying, "I thought I saw the light at the end of the tunnel but it was just some bugger with a torch bring me more work" sums it up.

In my case, I just thought I was finally reaching the end of the house stuff, getting on with my life, and now I've got PD back in it being a total arsehole as usual. And now I have to deal with all of that unpleasantness over the next few months, plus not knowing whether I will be staying put or moving. Either way though, the sorting out all falls to me. And when it gets to me, it causes friction between me and DS2, who has had enough of the whole bloody thing and has his own issues about the way the sperm donor has and continues to strike at the family, desert his kids, yet claim to be the bloody victim in all of this.

Oh yes I very much get you Green

To answer your question, Green, I have no idea. However I do know that there are plenty of men who bitterly regret leaving their wife....and their kids.

Ha ha , izzie , I'd wear Gerard Butler like a string vest,
I'd climb that man like a tree! Yum yum.... I may have had wine...
[bush] who am I kidding , I'm not embarrassed

izzie meant to say like your cunt shelf
think i need to start something like this - call it "cunts crap"

Ah Hobbit you dirty mare, you crack me up [gin gin gin get it on the joint account]

Green

think i need to start something like this - call it "cunts crap"

Lolololololololololololololololol

I didn't really credit Green with that last comment. You cracked me up with that one

News update from Planet Dickhead

Non news from Hobbit she may have had wine

Hobbit that's definitely your catchphrase. I love it!

Totally hear you green. Not only do they check out of the day to day, cooking, cleaning, laundry, food shopping - not that ex p did much of that anyway, but they check out of the responsibility. If they want to spend money on something or go somewhere or cancel seeing their kids for something more fun they just go ahead. They don't have to discipline them or comfort them or keep them in routine or think about their futures or where they'll live or how you'll afford it all. No no they literally think about them.
I hope one day they all live to regret what they've done and I also hope the saying is true that what goes around comes around and that we all find happiness some day because we sure as anything deserve it after this!
I'm counting down the weeks until the baby is born and hoping that seeing my dd become a big sister will bring me joy and happiness although it will never heal the hurt he's caused, not having to deal with him or share those moments with him will be a small mercy. God it's like they all came from some dysfunctional farm where the normal settled life is just not good enough.

izzie is this first hand - someone admitted " i screwed up" and "screwed" being the pertinent word

i dont know whats wrong with me - actually i think i do - i dont want to be mum anymore - i want to be me - ive spent 15 years doing the "right" thing - supporting and thinking of everyone else thinking it will all be worth it when kids get older and can get some me/us time - start "enjoying" again and now i have even more to cope with - I want to see Mr SB - i dont want to compromise - X hasn't - why do i have to pick up the pieces & bloody juggle them in the air all the bloody time and because im doing all this is it any wonder why sometimes I want to scream and shout for no bloody reason other than I am sick of it!

izzie

And when it gets to me, it causes friction between me and DS2, who has had enough of the whole bloody thing and has his own issues about the way the sperm donor has and continues to strike at the family, desert his kids, yet claim to be the bloody victim in all of this

just insert DD for DS2 and this is where im at - still trying to get money out of the cunt for dds school trip that he tells her hes paid for - isnt it funny how somethings can get split equal when its in their favour - just not when it comes to salary and pensions!