HOBBIT’S BAR – still finding it hard to move on…part 10

[bobs123]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, ask for advice, relate to others in the same situation, take a break and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her. Sorry, she's been ousted by a pineapple in this 1st post, but sure she will feature if the lazy caaah gets off her...
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.
7. Random Guys feature on here too

Our theme tune is

My name is bobs, 55, married almost 23 years, 2 DDs 21 & 18 who have NC with their Dad. Nisi granted April 2014 on the basis of 2 year separation while living in the same house. Tried solicitors for over a year to sort out the financials, then mediation for 6 months which didn’t work, as due to his PA nature he is all but supine and unable to contribute. Sold our family home over a year ago and have been living in rental as he had the house proceeds frozen. He was then given a choice of accepting my proposal or going to arbitration or court. Still waiting…

Link to last thread here

Link to 1st thread - if you have a spare week or so and want to read the lot here

phew, just caught up on thread...
Wise great news about job.
Did someone mention Superdry lol,
MAR liked his clothes although has to be label ( ooh er ) Hugo Boss shirts or such, casual Abercrombie, and like Superdry, not really designed for men with moobs lol.
They really are all so alike... Expensive gadgets, the bike, oh that twatting bike and his ridiculous Lycra clothing. Treats that bike better than he treats me or even the kids. And same as others all this happening as he's getting debt recovery letters wtf ?!!
Izzie and Tabby, thanks for advice and I really hope court sees through him. I'm also hoping that the the last 3 months claims of demanding dd live with him are screwed now, given that he now doesn't see her everyday and when he does see her it's no longer than 2 hours, so surely this will all factor if he tries it on again to get her and like why, when he had her those few days, he left her alone one night and the other he left her with me until 10.30 pm.
The sad thing is that he just stopped paying any money to ds and thinks that because he is 19, he doesn't have to provide for him... What a shit ! That's why he doesn't want him living with him, because ds wouldn't be entitled to full uni grant.
dd I hope and pray is slowly but surely coming around for which I could not be happier. It appears our relationship has been saved by Vampire Diaries lol, hey, don't knock it...Beside her problems with school and sleep and migraines, she is actually treating me as her mother now. So either I'm doing something right or he's doing something wrong ! Either way I'm not complaining.
So, have just run out of oil and big food shopping bills coming next week with ds home for uni... Advice please.... Does it seem unreasonable to ask for a contribution towards food rom MAR ? I know he thinks that benefits have made me rich ( hahaha ) but to my ds is a serious issue ! Sounds silly but he is really in to his physical fitness and eats at least about 4 bloomin chicken breasts per day and about 6 meals per day ... Like I said h doesn't pay any cs just mortgage and some household bills. I know he'll say he can't afford it but fail to see how he affords to go on the piss then and have a social life.
Anyway, advice please
Izzie I do love your determination and I will post a pic after of how I think if you
Why as you know my friend, we share so many of the same problems. Yes when I question h I just get "hmmm" from him or his favourite when he thinks he's being helpful eh, cutting grass but leaving grass all piled up behind garage and over the paving and not brushed up and I try and speak up " why the fuck do I bother if this is a the thanks I get ?" Grrrrr I never asked him for help. Oh and as I thought the good lawnmower has not been returned .... Furious now
I may pop in later but today is finishing my lovely girly ( man free) bedroom ... Beware, woman with drill coming through !! This has actually empowered me more than anything because I was never 'allowed' or trusted to do 'man tasks ' and I am loving it

Oh and btw, anyone on fb, please feel free to pm me to add on fb ... Id love to have a face to put to name. And where I am no one on my friend list would know you so safe enough.
Tomorrow also sees start of my meal replacement plan for 2 meals per day, I was skipping so many meals I got so run down but am getting some advice from a nutritionist .... Maybe I'll even lose a stone and piss MAR off even more !

For Izzie meant as a compliment and how I think your h probably feels after one of your super emails after he's just been hit full force

aarrgh - hate it when lose a post

mrsc re your DD words twunt, twat, c77T spring to mind

The frustration of trying to talk to someone who obviously hates me is driving me mad

why its not you he hates but himself but he cant admit to this as he would really then have to face up to this shit - much easier to blame you and see you "take on" his stuff - (this applies to me too - came from my counsellor - you have to see that this is his "stuff" not yours

repeat its himself he hates not you same for all twunts & reason for nastiness!

hope you ok today xx

last course day for me today - haven't managed to keep up on the work but when I started it was for personal interest and something to do - never thought every session could have been written just for me & my life! i've managed to get an extension but whether i can get my head in gear to complete who knows - timing not great with court stuff going on.

good day everyone - sun is shining - there is always something to be grateful for - sometimes just need to look pretty hard to find it but when you do it completely alters your mindset.

KOKO LGO xx

We're off to a charity dog walk and dog show today, and the first picnic of summer :)

Fresh air and exercise all around, should do us good.

Ha ha , iget I always picture Izzietaz like that, a whirling dervish of gnashing teeth, < complete with paintbrush of course>

Awwww... braving I wanna go on a charity dog walk, see a dog show and have a picnic, but I've got to go and sell office supplies, BOO!
< jealous much, sob>

Hello all,

Wise - congratulations on the job.
Toast - I agree with everyone else, have the medical report.

Seeing as exp has checked out of fatherhood I'm guessing I don't have to bother with any form of recognition on fathers day, we will be away with my parents anyway so it's not like she would've seen him.
I read a depressing article about how children from single parent families don't do so well in life. The least these arse holes can do is make some financial provision for their children to ensure they have as equal opportunities as possible in the circumstances.
God I hate all this crap. Feeling so lonely in the evenings, I need some friends who don't have small children for company.
Don't suppose any of you lovely ladies are in Oxfordshire?

Sadly not 2little. Remember 'generally' does not mean 'always' but divorce affects everyone in every way, and for some people it can be the best thing that ever happened to them - even if it feels like the worst thing at the time (which it is!).

It really is small steps all the way, or in some cases - a bloody long drive.

I am moving to Scotland! I love Wales, but one has apparently acquired a job. I am going to be inflicted myself on the world...and it means I can earn enough to live on, and keep the cats, and I can start to rebuild my career and life.

I start tomorrow and hope to get moved within a month as the commute is a bit long at the mo....

Morning all. Have caught up on posts. Will update later. Waiting to see how events unfold. Meantime, off to get a few things done. I'm not getting sucked into Planet Dickhead's fuckwittery. KOKO xx

WWK fantastic!!! Give us the details or PM. Absolutely delighted for you

I am in Hampshire 2little, totally get the need for company you can be utterly honest with.

Supporting young people when they are 18 is a huge problem here too. I have a 20, 18 and 16. No support needed for eldest (in law) but we all know the theory and practical consideration are totally different. Means in theory only the youngest needs support and I only need support until then, that is what he says obviously. I have to go all out for spousal on joint lives to support our boys. Horrible. I have said it before but will shout it as loud as possible. Do your finically settlements while they feel a modicum of guilt and reponsibility. Do NOT leave it until they have a new adult dependent and a new baby.

I will be submitting a medical report as my work is limited by health issues, I think everyone should absolutely stop considering his shit and only their dcs and own shit. It has taken me years to actually believe that. I have spent so much wasted time worrying about how he will manage. Madness.

I have finally put in a grievance at work so am expecting the shit to hit the fan big time tomorrow. Will do as much marking as I can to day but need to do some job hunting too. It takes so long to apply for work nowadays!

I rarely post because I simply do not have time to keep up. I just dip in and out reading and admiring. I need support sorting out money though, do not like or trust the mediator, can't afford solicitors bills (have already lost 5 grand that way). Think only option is Court and self repping and am terrified.

Am taking cowards way at the moment and just letting him give me whatever he fancies towards household. I wondered if there is anyone else in this situation and if a thread about fighting it on our own would be useful? The legal stuff is straightforward so that bit is ok, it is the what to hold out for in negiat ions, what is fair, and the really stomach churning stuff, how to support the boys. They work and contribute but in no way can be independent t. Especially the 18 year old who is totally out of control, but at least has a bedroom and food in fridge to come home to at the moment.

I have been doing a good impression of an ostrich. Time to try and exert some control over my life. Weighed myself yesterday and at highest ever. This badly affects my crap bones. Need to stop the calories at night, those liquid ones that feel so good... Need to do a lot of things really. Confidence is zero.

Oh blooming heck another me me me post. I am fed up of myself. .

WWK. That is fabulous. X

Wow, wwk I'm so happy for you, but so sad you'll be so far away, I've never been to Scotland , but maybe I'll come and visit now,
Congrats again, you are fabulous. Xx

Very fabulous indeed WWK.

Sadly I'm in Essex so not near. Lonely in the evenings too. It's getting worse, not better.

Och aye the noo and all that malarkey .....

wwk... Well done you !

fuckit Dear God, you must be a smart cookie ! My h would have me in bits if I even contemplated representing myself. In fact I guess he spent the last 23 years removing any fight and self worth I had in me.
What about getting some free advice when you need it from WA ?
I don't understand how they think suddenly that their children can support themselves at 19. Ours in particular has brains to burn but zero common sense ... This child had to google how to use a tin opener so you can see what I'm dealing with.
I don't want to incur any solicitors fees now until I need to do will have to just grow a pair and ask MAR to cough up !
That should be fun ( not )

fuckit look at Wikivorce. There is a divorce calculator on there, to give you an idea of what you may expect. It's a rough guide but at least a starting point. You need to register to use the calculator. Takes a minute. And I haven't had any marketing emails from them either. Link below

Wikivorce

News from Planet Dickhead

News from IzzieTaz

In other news from IzzieTaz, I've got the shelving up at last. I now have a Cunt Shelf. Consisting of stuff he can collect. Also on the shelf is a large pack of toilet rolls. Eat your heart out Tracey Emin!

For Izzie ( actually for us all )

WWK many congratulations on the job. Hopefully it is something you enjoy and can give you a focus and be a positive new start. Big move for you but sometimes these things happen for a reason.

Izzie I'm sitting outside in the sunshine and can't see your pictures very well I have got my glasses on are you intending to do a Mrs Bobbit?!

iwas I can't think of any place I would want to be further from than his nether regions. No, I'm sharpening my knives for other purposes. All legal and above board. Cos remember I am on the run for trespassing on PD's cocklodging abode's shared drive. Actually I don't think I'm allowed to enter the area at all. Shame, because I do lufs a bit of Chavland, the cheap area where you drive past a few trees behind which are builders yards and the like, but they call it countryside. Ah well, they still have yet to catch me.....you ain't see me, rite!!

Am off to get some more boxes now. Catch you later. Project Packup in progress