Regular but name changed.
This is my second marriage. First was short and I'll advised, no kids. His second marriage too. He has three kids from previous marriage and a relationship before marriage. We have two kids together, 8 and 5.
I am generally quite unhappy. I am very conscious that I don't want another failed marriage but conscious that we have done marriage guidance twice but we still keep on having issues.
His good points: he works hard at work, does overtime, very involved with his other kids and fought for all the contact he has, which is standard now, every other weekend and half the hols. Lots of issues there, but they would be deal able with if we got on better. Lots of the issues there were probably caused by our very argumentative marriage and how he treats me in front of the kids.
He takes the kids out, parks etc, he pays all the bills, apart from food and clothes, shoes, birthdays etc, I pay all those. He moans I don't pay enough but I earn less than a quarter than him.
He used to be funny, kind, loving and pull his weight and be clean.
Bad points: he often shouts at the kids in a very aggressive manner. He can't cope when they are running around just being kids, he has a hobby that dominates a lot of his time and keeps him glued to the PC. He is often unkind, shouty, and makes jokes at my expense . If I do this back, he can't deal with it but thinks as long as he finds something it is ok to hurt my feelings or take the piss out of me.
He has put on a lot of weight and often smells, so much the living room stinks. If I say nicely, please can you have a bath, he makes such a fuss and is offended. He belches constantly, big loud belching, I mean, several every minute. I have asked him to stop but he just ignores me. His default reply to anything I say or ask is in a nasty tone or sarcastic. He speaks to me like dirt a lot of the time, even first thing in the morning when I can't have done anything to upset him. If I do upset him, he can sulk for days and won't speak. Then when he is ready, he can't discuss anything and I am expected to just get on and forget about it and never discuss anything. A big bad point...he never accepts he has done anything wrong. He always has a reason, an excuse, but he never accepts responsibility for anything. The house often has a bad atmosphere when he is around. He shouts at the kids, is unnecessarily mean to them, will not implement any discipline techniques, just shouting. They are not bad kids at all, quite well behaved but naughty sometimes, like all kids.
This morning I couldn't understand why the milk had been decanted into a glass in the fridge. I am never allowed to sleep past 8am or he will come into my bedroom, (we sleep apart as he snores and twitches terribly, plus sometimes he smells) . I ask him why and he said I didn't need to know. Very hypocritical as I have to answer any question he asks me. I then find out he took the bottle to the bedroom so he could wee in at night! And when I ask why, he says so he doesn't wake up our son !!!
I am utterly disgusted with this. He goes to the loo often in the night and I have said he should go to the doctors but he refuses. I just can't believe how disgusting this is and how he thinks it is acceptable behaviour. I already have to deal with his 12 year old sense of humour, typical tits, arse, fanny jokes.
I don't know what to do or what I want to happen. As he never takes responsibility , he never admits anything is his fault. I don't want to break up our family , I want him to just grow up and act like a man. I don't want to be married to a 12 year old, as I tell him frequently. I want adult conversation, he seems incapable of it at home, but can at work. He just gets home, and turns into a 12 year old. He has a responsible job, think accountant etc.
any suggestions cos I don't want to break up our family.