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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Adults dating teens

177 replies

loupylou2u · 30/05/2015 20:29

What are your thoughts?

My daughter has just turned 16, she's dating a 35 year old man.

OP posts:
MistressMerryWeather · 30/05/2015 21:41

If you are still able to contact him tell him you have contacted the police (he doesn't need to know what they said) and that he must stay away from your daughter full stop.

Bahh · 30/05/2015 21:42

You're doing the right thing. I wish my parents had had the balls to do this for me Flowers

Hessen · 30/05/2015 21:49

I was 31 when I became friends with my current partner who was 19 at the time. We got together a year later. I have so much in common with her it's scary, we don't just finish each other's sentences, we finish each others thoughts.

MistressMerryWeather · 30/05/2015 21:56

Hessen, the gap in maturity between 16 and 19 is huge for most teenagers.

Hessen · 30/05/2015 22:01

I agree completely. Just that "teens" isn't always "wrong".

MistressMerryWeather · 30/05/2015 22:05

I agree, I would consider a 19 year old to be a fully grown woman.

loupylou2u · 30/05/2015 22:07

Hessen I'm glad that your relationship has worked out and if my dd was 19 this wouldn't be such an issue.

I know this is coming out in dribs and drabs but I'm using my phone and it's difficult to write lengthy posts. I also don't want to give too much away incase the wrong person sees this.

On Friday morning I got a call from a different police officer. Long story short she said that just because dd is 16 it doesn't mean there is nothing at all that can be done. She asked me lots of questions and took a far more detailed history. She said that initially she would speak with him and point out how inappropriate it would be if he continued a relationship with dd.

He got straight on the phone to her and told her it was over and she couldn't contact him again.

The police called me back to explain what had been said and dd walked in, upset, saying she was going out. I told her no so she ran off.

The officer said that if she left home they wouldn't be able to force her to come home and that I possibly needed to pour oil on troubled waters and meet with him and dd to discuss things.

I did this. I don't know how I found the strength. I explained to both of then the views of the police and my view. I told them I want them to stop seeing each other, that it's wrong, everything. I then said that as the police said she's 16 so technically nobody can do anything and I was leaving it to them to make the right choice.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/05/2015 22:07

Hessen, why are you talking about something completely different here ?

TheAwfulDaughter · 30/05/2015 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheAwfulDaughter · 30/05/2015 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AnyFucker · 30/05/2015 22:09

Hessen, does your 19yo girlfriend agree that you are a much better parent than your ex wife ?

Bahh · 30/05/2015 22:11

AnyFucker, why are you chasing another poster around the forum being aggressively rude and interrupting other people's threads where they are looking for support? Step off.

AnyFucker · 30/05/2015 22:12

no chasing, I just wondered

BluddyMoFo · 30/05/2015 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 30/05/2015 22:14

and I don't need to "chase" when he pops up with a totally unrelated comment to the op, attempting to justify grown men shagging teenagers

he should "step off" IMO

MistressMerryWeather · 30/05/2015 22:14

I then said that as the police said she's 16 so technically nobody can do anything and I was leaving it to them to make the right choice.

I really don't think that was wise. He has clearly been normalising the situation with her for a while so she doesn't know what the right choice is.

Bahh · 30/05/2015 22:19

I appreciate he's rubbed you the wrong way elsewhere but you really are being very unpleasant and you might want to consider that not saying anything at all is better than making personal jibes.

I won't be commenting further as this is not what this thread is for, OP is looking for advice/support, not the leftovers of a tiff elsewhere on the forum. It's rude.

MistressMerryWeather · 30/05/2015 22:20

I'm fucking shocked that the police suggested you meet him and DD considering this all started when she was 15.

That just gives him a chance to manipulate things further.

AnyFucker · 30/05/2015 22:21

what do you think of his contribution to this thread, bahh ?

AnyFucker · 30/05/2015 22:22

and tiff

seriously ? Smile

fourchetteoff · 30/05/2015 22:25

I would be going spare.
The gap is way too creepy and she is too young.
Definitely contact the activity they met through. Hope you're ok. You sound way more together than I would be.

Mrsjayy · 30/05/2015 22:25

Your dd was 15 when she started seeing him ? Does not matter your dd is 16 what does she have in common with him what does he see in a 16yr old girl i wouldnt allow it and i dont give a flying fig what anybody says

Salene · 30/05/2015 22:26

Not right, he is a pervert

I'd go ballistic

Mrsjayy · 30/05/2015 22:28

Exploitation of young girls is rife this girl is 16 being flattered no doubt by an older man its frigging creepy

Bahh · 30/05/2015 22:31

I won't be commenting further

OP, I hope her anger subsides soon. Maybe not, maybe it will be years before she understands. But she will, and she'll be thankful :)