Adults dating teens

[loupylou2u]

What are your thoughts?

My daughter has just turned 16, she's dating a 35 year old man.

[Weebirdie]

My daughers husband is more older than her but they met much later in life, they were both well and truly into their adulthood. Its worked out fabulously.

I met my husband when I was 16 and he was 23. I can see now the timing wasnt right.

[LucySnow12]

I feel terrible for you. Your daughter is being groomed. Go to her school and discuss it with the head teacher. Surly, they would take it seriously. Her school must have pastoral care or contacts with social services. She should be seeing a counsellor and discussing why this man's attentions are so important to her. Has he given her any gifts? I hope that you can make your daughter understand how vulnerable she is.

[loupylou2u]

The child sexual exploitation unit are involved, as are CID. I've told social services, her therapist, her school - anyone who will listen.

They are both still adamant that they will carry on seeing each other.

She's very angry that I've told so many people and today she told me to fuck off and that she wants nothing more to do with me because I don't want her to be happy.

[loupylou2u]

He has bought her things, far more openly now that she's turned 16.

She has been groomed, absolutely, I'm positive of that. I'm also positive that this started before she turned 16.

The police can't do anything because she's now 16 and there's no proof anything happened before that. Despite his history.

[AnyFucker]

Oh, lou. ...what a fucking nightmare

[ForalltheSaints]

A cruel tactic I admit, but do you know anyone who works with him? A quiet word from his employer might put an end to it, if they wanted to maintain their reputation.

[Justbuggeroff]

Op I'm so sorry your going through this, your daughter will see sense but not until she is older :( I was raped at 14 and although at the time I thought he was just getting carried away and didn't listen to me saying stop and no he still carried on but I was too naive to think that.

Just keep her close, as close as you can. for you and a very un mumsnetty hug

[Duckdeamon]

Very sorry this has happened. Hope your DD wakes up to him soon.

A side issue as regards your DD, but wasn't this man running some kind of voluntary club for young people? I would ask the police officer to report him to the relevant sporting or arts body, owner of the venue(s) he runs the club from and/or charity commission. He shouldn't be allowed to run anything that would give him access to young people.

Would your Dd's phone records show calls, number of texts etc?

[loupylou2u]

She won't come home tonight, she's with him.
I've lost her and I only have myself to blame, I handed her to him on a plate. I can't stop crying, she's been so nasty.

[loupylou2u]

Duck, police aware of everything including arcade where he was her "mentor"

[zarzlee71]

When my sister was 16 she got with a 30 year old man, she is now 30, happily married and has 4 children with him. my parents were pretty disgusted at first but after a while they saw that they were right for each other x

[Whichseason]

Sorry, I have not been able to read all the thread OP but I suggest you ring social services and to speak to them about child sexual exploitation and ask them for advice.

[MistressMerryWeather]

Lou it's really not your fault, love.

People like him are very good at hiding what they are up too.

What an awful situation.

[AnyFucker]

I am really sorry, lou

Make sure she knows your door is always open.

[loupylou2u]

AF, I've told her over and over that I don't blame her, I'm not angry with her and that I'm here for her regardless. And it's true, she's my daughter, my only child and I love the bones of her.

[SomethingOnce]

Age isn't just a number, it's a measure of the number of years during which one has accumulated life experience and gained maturity.

I would wonder what had gone wrong for a man of 35 who was romantically interested in a kid of 16.

[SomethingOnce]

Oh dear, that'll teach me to RTFT.

I'm sorry to hear this is the situation, OP.

[loupylou2u]

Thank you.

I've had a constant headache the past few days and my stomach is churning the whole time.

I've spoken to his ex wife and she seems lovely, but she's told me things that are worrying me even more.

[loupylou2u]

It not like he's a nice guy who she'll be safe with.

She hasn't come home. I know where she is and I know she's safe as she's definitely not with him but still, I'm worried sick and can't sleep.

[trackrBird]

I've been following this thread, because the situation resonates with me.

Lou, you've done everything you possibly could. There comes a point at which you can do no more. You have to let it play out, even though you know she's at risk: because you've told every official body you can, and you are now out of options.

It's impossible to detach. But if you can fake some level of detachment in her presence - affect to be busy with your own life, and quite uninterested, even though that's NOT how you feel at all - perhaps this might help her face the reality of her choices. It stops being such a big drama. She has to deal with the reality of spending time with a man old enough to be her father, who is interested in himself and not her. This is likely to pall quite quickly.

I think the chances are very high your daughter will soon be back with you. In the meantime it is horrible, and there is nothing I can say or do to help. Please don't wreck your health though: put yourself first for a while, because you and your life matter too.

[Vivacia]

Have you been to the doctor about your own health OP?

[loupylou2u]

Thanks trakrBird, I think you may be right. She's very angry that I've told the police and that and am trying to spoil her "happiness".

She also says that I've been confusing her by saying I won't stop her seeing him but then speaking to the police and social services. I've been clear with her and him that I will not condone the relationship but didn't want to push her away by forbidding anything.

[Cancookdontcook]

I wonder what he has to say about all this. Have you confronted him? That would be one of the first things I would do.

[loupylou2u]

Vivacia, I haven't seen the Gp but I think I may have to make an appointment.

[loupylou2u]

Cancook - yes, I confronted him the day I found out. He has tried and tried to justify it.

He says that dd is mature, he cares about her, they have a laugh together. He says she's not like other girls her age. I have begged him, literally, to leave her alone, I have warned time and time again for him to stay away from her. He refuses.