Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Going back to an abusive relationship

739 replies

purplepavements · 30/05/2015 20:02

Hi
I have namechanged as I wanted to hear advice and maybe experiences without people having the info from my previous thread.
I am seriously considering going back to my ex. I feel like it's safer and easier to be back with him. He never hurt my dd and she's the only one I really care about. Has anyone had any good experience of going back because since leaving him I just feel shitter than ever.
Tia

OP posts:
Jux · 22/07/2015 09:46

Purple, I know we're all virtual and don't count so much, but we are here, and we do care. There are many here who have been through what you have, and they have found that telling people - not necessarily all the details, but a summary "I have ended a long term abusive relationship" kind of thing - telling people in rl has helped them so much, and they have found that there are many people in rl who have stepped up and given help and support. Most people are not like him. Most people will want to help you, will want to offer kindness and solidarity to you.

Be brave (we know you are) and make some new friends outside his sphere of influence.

WhatifIdid · 23/07/2015 00:04

How have you been?

Original poster
purplepavements · 25/07/2015 00:28

Im sorry I don't know how to do it I'm so frustrated

OP posts:
ASAS · 26/07/2015 23:37

You ARE doing it though. Just keep going.

ASAS · 30/07/2015 00:27

We are still here whenever you want to talk purple.

BearFoxBear · 02/08/2015 22:06

How are you purple?

Original poster
purplepavements · 18/08/2015 17:10

He is out and I've seen him a couple of times and I feel very very ashamed

OP posts:
Smilingforth · 18/08/2015 18:53

Keep safeFlowers

Original poster
purplepavements · 19/08/2015 11:51

I just feel lost

OP posts:
WONAR · 19/08/2015 22:42

Purple, you have nothing to be ashamed of. HE is the one who should be feeling shame! You're brave and you can do this.

Smilingforth · 20/08/2015 11:14

I second that; stay strong!

Original poster
purplepavements · 03/10/2015 10:07

Is anyone still around on this thread x

OP posts:
TheVeryThing · 03/10/2015 10:10

I haven't posted before but I've seen your thread and felt for you so much, just wasn't sure I could help. How are you doing now?

flanjabelle · 03/10/2015 10:11

I haven't posted before either but I'm here if you need to talk.

Original poster
purplepavements · 03/10/2015 10:25

I am very tired, all the time. I was a bit better for a while. He's in court on Wednesday. I am going to give evidence. I am very low at the moment.

OP posts:
flanjabelle · 03/10/2015 10:39

One tiny tiny step at a time. Break your life down into tiny blocks of time, rather than days. Don't rush ahead into the future and live Wednesday before it's here. Tiny steps. Have you eaten today? Have you showered? Pull your mind back to the present and the tiny things you need to do now.

BearFoxBear · 03/10/2015 10:46

Purple I'm do glad you're back, I've been thinking about you. Wednesday will be hard, no doubt, it's no wonder that you feel low. You should feel proud of yourself for getting this far though, many people don't, and it's a really strong, brave thing to do. Remember that.

Vixxfacee · 03/10/2015 11:16

Hi purple I have read all of your thread. I am in awe of how strong you are!

Original poster
purplepavements · 03/10/2015 14:17

Thank you. I'm finding that I can't keep track of anything at the minute. Keep missing my medication

OP posts:
MySordidCakeSecret · 03/10/2015 14:58

I've read your thread purple and i have been in tears at what you've had to go through but also the incredible support and kindness that so many people are offering. You've done so, so well. You've been so strong and i promise you that even if you don't think you've achieved much or are worth much, we can all see that you are a strong, beautiful person who loved their daughter so very much, she would be so proud of your mum.

You deserve someone who loves you and takes care of you, you deserve all of us who are helping you and supporting you, and you can make the final steps to being safe and happy, even if it seems like far away. Just remember in the depths of depression and grief, the future is stretched out as a bleak eternity, but if you carry on and make it through, you'll loook back one day, maybe in a month, maybe 6 months or a year, and you'll see how far you've come and that actually, there was an end to it all and you got through it. That day is within reach if you take the steps to protect yourself and be free from your ex who ony wishes you harm.

The people on here are amazing, and we're all real people who care deeply. Stay with us all xx

MySordidCakeSecret · 03/10/2015 14:59

*her

Original poster
purplepavements · 03/10/2015 16:36

I don't deserve any of it. I really don't. But thank you. I just want to be with my little girl

OP posts:
BearFoxBear · 03/10/2015 18:53

One day purple, but not now. You have so much life to live and you are strong and capable. She'll be proud of you.

Original poster
purplepavements · 03/10/2015 20:18

I'm sorry I

OP posts:
Fallandfly · 03/10/2015 20:27

You do not need to apologise. You are so much stronger than you think you are and have come so far. Your daughter would be so proud you are taking steps to protect yourself and others from this excuse for a man. I understand the worthless feeling, how it feels better to put up with things because it's a known quantity. But it is conditioning, we are better than that, we deserve to be treated right and how he treats you is the opposite of that. Small steps, sometimes you don't even realise you are making them but you are. It's ok to panic, feel helpless and not understand yourself. You are so very brave.