Going back to an abusive relationship

[purplepavements]

Hi
I have namechanged as I wanted to hear advice and maybe experiences without people having the info from my previous thread.
I am seriously considering going back to my ex. I feel like it's safer and easier to be back with him. He never hurt my dd and she's the only one I really care about. Has anyone had any good experience of going back because since leaving him I just feel shitter than ever.
Tia

Have you got any of those ice lollies left? How about making a few more.

I don't feel well there's a lot I want to say. But I don't know how

You can do it. We're here when you're ready.

Can you draw it, purple? Can you channel the essence of what you want to say into your pen?

Today I'm missing my daughter. I feel dirty and ashamed and sick.and just so so sad. I want to fix it I really want to be better, but I don't know how. It's like I had to be strong when I was with him and now I'm not with him I can't be strong. I want my baby back, I want my mum, I want a hug.

I'm sending you a hug.

Keep posting.

You are feeling those emotions now because it wasn't safe for you to feel them before. This is delayed reaction. You have to feel those emotions so you can move on, not forget - not that - but to grow as a person and to assimilate your experiences, good and bad and sad and happy. You had to shelve your feelings as he wouldn't allow you do anything else, but now you can, and you do. That is horrible to live through, very difficult, but ultimately good.

Does any of that make sense?

It does make sense yes thank you I just wish it was easier

((((hug))))

You will be OK, purple, believe in yourself. You've done nothing to be ashamed, nothing wrong. You are struggling with life, which has been really hard on you, but you will get through it. Hold your head high; you have reasons to be proud of yourself.

I'm going to be out all (school holidays, friends staying yada yada).

I haven't eaten in a while and I'm still so fat

Purple, your body can't work if you don't feed it; it will have nothing to make energy from. If you have no energy you will just sink deeper and deeper into numbness and misery. Please give your body something to work with - bananas are really, really good. You could live off bananas alone!

Purple, there are people here who think you have greater value than you give yourself; I am one of them.

You are worth more than this, more than that bastard gave you. He was wrong about you, wrong. Don't let him win by agreeing with him! You are worth far more than he even has the capacity to understand.

Feed yourself. Eat a banana

Hope you've had a good day today and eaten something.

Now is not the time to go on a diet! Now is the time to think healthy and well first and foremost

Are you in work tomorrow? If you're still not feeling up to it don't be bamboozled, go back to your GP.

But, it might be just what you need to help you start getting back into life a bit?

I give up trying I give up

Purplepavements, I am sorry, I haven't read your thread before and didn't know your story.

I am so so sorry about the loss of your dd, she sounds so gorgeous, loving buses and green things.

I will be honest and say I don't know how mothers find peace again after the loss of a child, like that. It is the thing that none of us can imagine, and you are living it - I am so sorry.

Your ex wont help you, in the long run, or even the short run.

There are people who can and will be kind to you and not beat you or rape you or abuse you.

You deserve that.

You have had far more pain than anyone should ever know.

Have you been in contact with one of the support organisations for bereaved parents? Been on the Mn bereavement boards?

Stay in MN, day by day...and find people who understand how you feel.

I will be thinking of you tonight.

Love, Blu.

Don't give up purple, we're still all here, sending you positive thoughts and ready to talk when you are

Hi purple. I can see your pain.

Do try the bereavement boards here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement, they are fantastic.

Hey, pp, how are you?

I just feel numb now.

What's happening purplepavements?

Are you back at work, or still signed off?

Thinking of you.

I'm back at work. He had a preliminary hearing and he's being kept in. I have found a new flat to move into I'm waiting for this payday

These are amazing steps. A new home for you!

And the fact he's being remanded shows how dangerous he is and how brave you are for surviving.

Purple! How wonderful - a fresh start, and he won't know where you are.

Maybe now is the time to call on some of those support agencies, if you haven't already, to support you while you settle in?

Great news, purple. Onwards and upwards.

I'm going in tomorrow to drop the charges. I just can't do it without him. I'm not strong without him.

Just stop and think here Purple - please don't drop the charges - he's dangerous. Rather than going to the police tomorrow - phone some of the support agencies and talk things thru with them. They will support you and help you grow in strength.