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Original poster

Going back to an abusive relationship

739 replies

purplepavements · 30/05/2015 20:02

Hi
I have namechanged as I wanted to hear advice and maybe experiences without people having the info from my previous thread.
I am seriously considering going back to my ex. I feel like it's safer and easier to be back with him. He never hurt my dd and she's the only one I really care about. Has anyone had any good experience of going back because since leaving him I just feel shitter than ever.
Tia

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 14/06/2015 23:36

purple I don't fully understand what's going on but fully believe that if you are in hospital it is because you need to be there. Is this the first mention of your mum? Is she on the other side with DD?

Dear purple you are most certainly NOT ready to go home. You are beyond tired and well into depressive illness. This is the truth. It's late and perhaps your meds will allow you to sleep now.

It really is time to accept that you need help and that you are not yet the expert in your own recovery from grief and trauma. Let the hospital be your parent for now.

ASAS · 14/06/2015 23:55

Your mum would tell you to stay in hospital to sleep and rest Flowers

OvertiredandConfused · 15/06/2015 00:06

You need to sleep lots while you're there purple to give you strength for when you go home.

What do your doctors say? Are you up to talking to any of us a bit more yet? And is there anything you need while you're in hospital? I'm sure one of us could drop bits in or send a parcel if you tell us where you are. You can PM me if you like.

Get lots of sleep and take care

sadwidow28 · 15/06/2015 00:09

Purple stay where you are at the moment. You are in the safest space - and you will be helped to feel much better.

DD is actually watching over you.

I didn't know that you had also lost your Mum. Do you want to talk about when you lost your Mum?

TendonQueen · 15/06/2015 00:21

Try and get some sleep purple and talk to the doctors when they do rounds in the morning. Sleep will do you so much good. It takes longer than you think to recover from a massive shock so give yourself more time. I too believe your DD is with you. Flowers

OvertiredandConfused · 15/06/2015 08:22

Morning purple

Just on my way to work and wanted to let you know I'm think about you and sending lots of prayers and positive vibes.

Don't forget to let me or sadwidow know if there's anything you need.

Original poster
purplepavements · 15/06/2015 12:56

I really do want to talk but I just don't know how

OP posts:
BeaufortBelle · 15/06/2015 13:04

Perhaps you should just start at the beginning.

OvertiredandConfused · 15/06/2015 14:11

Do you want to talk to us on here? Or someone at the hospital? Or on the phone? There isn't a right answer, just right for you, right now.

When you're in deep grief and have suffered a trauma, you may not be able to plan what to say, but that's okay. Just let it all out. All in one go or a bit at a time. Whatever is easier. It doesn't matter if it seems jumbled.

It will help you to start bringing some order your thoughts and feelings.

Original poster
purplepavements · 15/06/2015 22:09

I want to talk on here.

OP posts:
Original poster
purplepavements · 15/06/2015 22:12

On Thursday I tried to die, I woke up after I had been passed out I had hit my head but I thought I needed to see a doctor I didn't want to die anymore. The ambulance came and got me and I went to hospital then they moved me to a different hospital but I'm home now.

OP posts:
WONAR · 15/06/2015 22:33

purple I haven't posted on this thread previously but I want you to know that someone's here. You don't know me from Adam but I've read this whole thread and I think you have done so well already. Flowers I'm really pleased that you're ok and that you have had help along the way.

Everyone has already posted such good advice for you and I don't know how to add to it, but I'm here, and I'm listening, if you feel comfortable enough to share (if not then of course I completely understand, and I hope someone you do feel comfortable with is along soon).

BeaufortBelle · 15/06/2015 22:33

What support have they put in place for you. Were you discharged or did you discharge yourself purple?

OvertiredandConfused · 15/06/2015 23:06

We're here purple. I'm glad you got help and realised that you want to live.

I think you are going to battle through this, with lots of help and support, and you're going to go on a have a life that would have made your DD very proud. You'll be a role model and you'll keep her memory alive by doing things that none of us can imagine right now.

Keep posting when you want to. We'll all keep checking in. Or you can PM me.

What are your plans for tomorrow? And what support have you got now in rl?

Jux · 15/06/2015 23:10

Purple, Thanks, for you. I am so glad that you were in a better frame of mind when you woke up. You are a strong woman, though I think you probably don't feel as if you are - you actually are.

Do talk on here, as much as you want to.

Original poster
purplepavements · 16/06/2015 18:15

I want to just drop the charges Now I'm really tired of it I want it to go back how it was

OP posts:
Fairy13 · 16/06/2015 19:13

purple you want to go back because it is what is familiar. You've come so so far, you don't want to take all those steps back now.

Remember what I said. You deserve to have a happy life and you deserve to have more babies and you will not be able to have that with this man.

Get yourself on the women's aid survivors forum, it's full of women who know exactly what you're going through and why you want things to go back to 'normal'. But things are not normal purple. You are doing so so well. Not long now and things will start to feel clearer. If you go back you will have to start this process again one day. You're already halfway there now. Don't go back.

ASAS · 16/06/2015 19:42

Keep going. We're here.

WONAR · 16/06/2015 21:10

Anything "new" and unknown can be very scary, especially if your self-esteem isn't high. You deserve a happy and fulfilling life, and you are better than what was before!

Keep going purple, you're making progress all the time.

Jux · 16/06/2015 22:05

Purple, it's always easier to just let things lie, but if you do that - if you let things go back to how they were - he will hurt you again and again and again. He will be worse because he will want to punish you too, and that punishment will go on and on.

Dig deep within yourself. You have what it takes to become free inside you. It is there. We see glimpses of it. Let that strength grow, nurture it, it will become a big blazing torch lighting up your life.

OvertiredandConfused · 16/06/2015 23:21

You CAN do this purple.

You're doing it so you can go on to have a happy and fulfilling life and, hopefully, have more babies who will learn all about their beautiful sister.

Please keep talking to people in rl who can help you. Have you spoken to WA recently?

BeaufortBelle · 17/06/2015 00:19

Purple, what really worries me is that after all this and involvement from police, hospital, your GP, and possibly ss and hvs there seems very little support in place for you. This is a great concern for you and for our society.

I hope you will be ok tonight xx

Original poster
purplepavements · 17/06/2015 13:30

I told the police I want to drop the charges the person dealing with it is coming to see me today

OP posts:
twistletonsmythe · 17/06/2015 13:51

oh no - why do you want to drop them? If you do it won't change what he did will it?

OvertiredandConfused · 17/06/2015 15:07

Oh purple. That really isn't a good idea. Why do you want to do that?

And do you realise that they might still prosecute without your evidence. That would be the worst of all worlds.

You deserve so much more. Can you really imagine having babies with this man and building a happy life? If you hadn't lost your DD you would be thinking about giving her the best start and making sure she had a good role model for how a relationship should work.

As a mother, would you tell your daughter to drop charges? Or to tolerate being treated the way he treats you?

Please tell the person how scared you are. And make sure you are accessing ALL the support available. You so deserve it.