Going back to an abusive relationship

[purplepavements]

Hi
I have namechanged as I wanted to hear advice and maybe experiences without people having the info from my previous thread.
I am seriously considering going back to my ex. I feel like it's safer and easier to be back with him. He never hurt my dd and she's the only one I really care about. Has anyone had any good experience of going back because since leaving him I just feel shitter than ever.
Tia

Purple, by now I hope you have gotten in touch with someone - whether victim support or rape crisis, and are getting some help. Well done on calling the police, unbelievably brave of you and must have been so hard to do.

Remember, he does not do this because you deserve it, are horrible etc. and you are not, of course) he does it because HE is abusive, nothing to do with you, you just happen to have been unlucky enough to have been in his path for a while, but you are being so strong and doing and have been doing all you can to get him out of your life, and it may not feel like it now, but you are being so strong and brave and I applaud you.

Please believe you deserve goodness and kindness and take all the support and help that comes your way, from police, courts etc. I'm not UK-based sorry so don't know of the agencies that could help, but others do, and you are so deserving of it and strong to have kept going after the death of your mum, your DD, and through all this.

Oh purple, you have done so well to call the police and he is now away from you.

Are you up to sorting out anything practical? I am sure we would all be concerned if he has a key to your house should he be let out again. Does he have a key? Have the police told you what will happen if he is released on bail etc?

It is also a MASSIVE concern that you are on your own. I know it's that awful thing where you don't want to have to tell someone what has gone on but being alone is so hard.

Will you call Samaritans if you are feeling like taking your own life? You say you want to be with your daughter and although I completely understand that feeling of just wanting everything to go away - please do not let him beat you. And please try not to look too far forward at this moment. You have just suffered another TRAUMA. You will be in shock and you will not feel like this forever. Just making it through the day is enough for today.

You know you don't have to speak outloud today purple.

Stay on here and chat using the power of anonymous internet.

We are actual humans though, who do care about you.

This isn't your fault.

You have been awesome. An hour at a time. Come chat and let us keep you company. Please call 111 or even 999 and say you feel suicidal. 999 will send an ambulance with psych team. I had to do that once for someone at work and the team was very helpful. They did not section but they got person into MH team straight away.

You can do this.

I just feel so young right now I don't. Know howto explain

Powerless can feel like young, like you want the "proper grownups" to sweep in and make it all better.

You're doing so well. You've been so strong.

You are explaining yourself very eloquently, that's why we're all here, because you are engaging us and we have come to care about you.

I don't think I am doing well

Well you made it to 2pm. An hour at a time. Just breath in and out. We're all here.

You are doing brilliantly.

How old are you Purple. My DD is just 17 and my DS is 20.

Tell us a bit about yourself. Have you thought more about calling 111.

I'm not an expert in what you are going through and I think you need expert help. I'm just a mum on the internet but I can feel your pain and I know what grief feels like.

Do you live somewhere safe?

I have so much I want to say But I don't know how

I'm 22

Oh sweetheart (((hugs))) So sorry you're going through all of this. It is an incredibly large amount for any one person to deal with. Please, don't ever go back to him. I can promise you, they never change.

Things will get better. It will take time, but it will happen. You are clearly a very strong woman, and you can get past this. Accept help from professionals, also, I found the Freedom Project to be very helpful. A lot of women there who have experienced similar things.

Take care of yourself, and remember, MN is always here for you

I've just read through this thread. Im so sorry you've had to face not only the loss of your daughter but also the ongoing abuse from this man.
I have no first hand knowledge of the loss of a child or domestic abuse but I know how great the love of a good man is and you absolutely deserve that. Please, please please don't settle for anything less. What he's done this week is in his 'good, trying to win you back phase' imagine how bad it could be in 6 months time.
A lot of people more knowledgable than I have given some excellent advice, please take it and please go through with the prosecution of this excuse of a man.
We are all here for you, there is always someone online. I know you miss your Mum, so all of us Mums on here are sending you a special Mum hug.

"I have so much I want to say But I don't know how"

There is no 'wrong' way to express how you feel.

Write whatever it is you want.

None of us know you, you are anonymous right now - you are just a human being who needs a handhold right now.

I want to make it better desperately I am trying to read and understand what people are saying but I just can't process anything

You don't need to process just now. You need to eat, sleep, stay comfy and keep safe. The processing will come.

Have you been out today? Have the police been in touch? What time are you seeing the doctor on Friday?

We are all here between now and then.

I think you need time to process it all. And sleep, and food and tea. Have you managed to eat or drink anything today? Or had a nice bath, watched something on telly as a distraction or got any fresh air?

I haven't eaten and I haven't spoken to anyone i am really struggling at the moment

I haven't eaten and I haven't spoken to anyone i am really struggling at the moment

Of course you can't process anything at the moment, don't worry about that.

Just try and keep your head above water and keep breathing.

Have you got a mum around you can talk to? Or siblings? (forgive me if posters have already covered this).

(((((((((Hug))))))))) for you. You are so young, I feel like I could be your mum. I'm sorry you have so much sadness and abuse in your life. You are such a precious gift, you deserve so much better.

When you feel up to it, you can call Women's Aid. I think it is easier o get through to them after about 8pm. 0808 2000 247 www.womensaid.org.uk if you scroll right down to the bottom you will see phone Number which will dial automatically if you click it, and an email which will automatically bring up a message box when clicked ([email protected])

We are here, lovely, we are behind you holding your hand.

I agree with the distraction thing right now..Try and eat something even if you don't want to..Make sure you are drinking too.

Absolutely you won't be able to process all this right now.

You are in shock. This link explains it a bit more. But you feeling numb and cut off from your feelings is totally normal. You are doing fine.
www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problemsdisorders/copingafteratraumaticevent.aspx?theme=mobile
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purple you have said that you can't process and understand. I have offered a telephone ear.

PM if you want to speak on the phone