Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What are your thoughts on this situation?

110 replies

katiemorovsky · 30/05/2015 17:37

I have namechanged as I have spoken to a friend about this and I know she is a mumsnetter.

I have been married 13 years and have 3 children. I have been a sahm for the last 5 years and plan to start looking for work again after my youngest starts school later this year. My husband has been the sole earner during this time.

My husband works very hard and sometimes unpredictable hours, he sometimes travels with work so will be away for a week at a time. I have no family nearby. Therefore, understandably, most of the childcare falls to me including evenings and occasionally weekends. The last time we went out together was a few months ago to see a film when my mum came to stay. I'm including this detail to give some idea of our lifestyle.

My husband was recently invited to a work friend's wedding which will mean a weekend away. I wasn't invited to the wedding. I told him I thought it was strange that I wasn't invited and asked him to wait until we could check the diary before he accepted the invitation.

Several days later whilst looking at his emails he announced that he was going to the wedding and was now best man. This means he will be away for a Friday night with the stag do and over a weekend for the wedding whilst I look after the kids on my own again.

I am so upset and cross that I haven't been consulted, that I haven't been invited and that it's just accepted that I'll look after the children whilst he goes to this wedding. I feel like we're not a couple any more. I have told him how upset I am and he hasn't changed his plans.

Am I over-reacting?

OP posts:
YodaIAmYo · 30/05/2015 17:41

Why aren't you invited? Do you know the couple?

MrsParker · 30/05/2015 17:41

Your right to be upset. Who invites a man and not his wife really?!?!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 30/05/2015 17:43

Not over-reacting, no. Very selfish.

expatinscotland · 30/05/2015 17:44

You are not over-reacting.

Cabawill · 30/05/2015 17:45

You're right to be upset. It's not about the looking after the children it's about being a couple.

I'd say also fairly unusual that you wouldn't be invited if he's Best Man. Do you know them?

ALaughAMinute · 30/05/2015 17:46

Do you know the couple that are getting married? I think it's incredibly rude of them not to invite you, especially as your husband is best man! Doesn't your husband think it's strange that you're not invited?

I'm not surprised you're upset. If I were you, I wouldn't want my husband to go. Have you told him how upset you are?

purplecloud123 · 30/05/2015 17:47

You're not overreacting. He's the best man and not entitled to a +1?

FelicityGubbins · 30/05/2015 17:47

You have become the WIFE (washing, ironing, fucking, etc) I would be going ballistic tbh...

AlpacaMyBags · 30/05/2015 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
katiemorovsky · 30/05/2015 17:48

I have never met them as he knows them through work. I have never gone (or been invited to) any of his work social events.

OP posts:
molyholy · 30/05/2015 17:49

Very odd that you haven't been invited and to casually announce he is the best man is a bit strange imho

ALaughAMinute · 30/05/2015 17:51

I hate to say it but if I were you I'd be worried that he was taking someone else! Does he often go to social events and stay away without you?

goddessofsmallthings · 30/05/2015 17:54

He's the best man and his dw isn't invited? Have you seen the wedding invitation?

What manner of plonker bridegroom has a stag do the night before his big day with consequent risk of not making it to the church at all on time, upchucking over the altar, and looking like death warmed up in the wedding pix?

Tell him he's got a choice - stag do or wedding and make it clear your decision is non negotiable.

Justusemyname · 30/05/2015 17:55

I'd be worried he was GOING to something else!

If he can't understand why you would be upset, kill him.

Wrapdress · 30/05/2015 17:55

Very very strange a man's wife is not invited to the wedding as well. I mean - I have never heard of such a thing.

Sounds like your husband has crafted a separate life for himself centered around his work and co-workers.

Original poster
katiemorovsky · 30/05/2015 17:56

It's a very small wedding apparently as it's second time round for both of them.

I made it really clear how upset about it I am and he has apologised but not changed his plans.

OP posts:
iseenodust · 30/05/2015 17:57

I was invited to a wedding that would have meant a night away without DH. Am a friend of the bride's and she knows DH. They wanted to keep numbers down as have large family. I chose not to attend as did a few other friends.

If your husband is bestman I think that is a bit different & would expect his spouse to be invited, whether you know them well or not.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 30/05/2015 17:59

You aren't over reacting. I'd be the same.

TongueBiter · 30/05/2015 18:01

And how come it started as a wedding invitation then quickly got ugraded to being best man? Sounds like he wanted to make sure you couldn't tell him not to go.

WhereIsMYJonathanSmith · 30/05/2015 18:01

I agree with justusemyname. Are you sure he is being truthful?

It is an awful situation and I agree that you ANBU but what to do about it? Is this a 'one off' or are there other things that are causing problems in your relationship?

Wrapdress · 30/05/2015 18:03

Small wedding or not - still utterly strange. He only later mentions he is best man? Is that to ensure he gets to go? Bizarre.

Original poster
katiemorovsky · 30/05/2015 18:04

Goddess - no I haven't seen a wedding invitation. The stag is not the same weekend as the wedding, sorry that I wasn't very clear.

I don't know what to say to him. He knows how upset I am but it doesn't seem to be important enough for him to prioritise my feelings over his work friends.

I am also really annoyed as we are trying to save money at the moment and a stag do and a weekend away will not be cheap.

OP posts:
Stitchintime1 · 30/05/2015 18:06

I would insist on having a night away too. I wouldn't stress about being invited to a small wedding of DH's work colleagues. Weddings are dreary affairs, but I would get a break out of it.

Stitchintime1 · 30/05/2015 18:07

Unless you think it's a lie. Do you?

expatinscotland · 30/05/2015 18:07

What a prick. Sorry, but this sounds really suspicious. A stag do weekend away and a best man, for a second wedding for both? Tacky people. Bet they want a cash gift, too.

Your husband doesn't care, OP, he cares more about himself and his workmates.