What are your thoughts on this situation?

[katiemorovsky]

I have namechanged as I have spoken to a friend about this and I know she is a mumsnetter.

I have been married 13 years and have 3 children. I have been a sahm for the last 5 years and plan to start looking for work again after my youngest starts school later this year. My husband has been the sole earner during this time.

My husband works very hard and sometimes unpredictable hours, he sometimes travels with work so will be away for a week at a time. I have no family nearby. Therefore, understandably, most of the childcare falls to me including evenings and occasionally weekends. The last time we went out together was a few months ago to see a film when my mum came to stay. I'm including this detail to give some idea of our lifestyle.

My husband was recently invited to a work friend's wedding which will mean a weekend away. I wasn't invited to the wedding. I told him I thought it was strange that I wasn't invited and asked him to wait until we could check the diary before he accepted the invitation.

Several days later whilst looking at his emails he announced that he was going to the wedding and was now best man. This means he will be away for a Friday night with the stag do and over a weekend for the wedding whilst I look after the kids on my own again.

I am so upset and cross that I haven't been consulted, that I haven't been invited and that it's just accepted that I'll look after the children whilst he goes to this wedding. I feel like we're not a couple any more. I have told him how upset I am and he hasn't changed his plans.

Am I over-reacting?

[CrapBag]

I invited my work collegues to my wedding (the evening do) and I didn't invite their partners. Would have been too many to add to the numbers.

But.....The fact that he said yes, was suddenly best man but just as suddenly he has pulled out....no that's not right. Definitely a red flag there.

[oabiti]

Sorry, not read all of the responses but if there is another woman, she could have invited him as a plus one to a wedding she was invited to.

[oabiti]

cheapsunglasses

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I'm not surprised that you're angry, OP. I have to say though, faking a wedding is not the best way to get two days away from a husband/wife. They would expect to be invited - as you are. A far better 'excuse' would be a work thing.

So I'd surmise that the wedding is real, it's being extended though, I think.

[AnyFucker]

it leaves her exactly where she was before

being suspicious if the dodgy behaviour of her partner

[prorsum]

This is a very tricky one for the OP because she's got to stand her ground with DH, either by going to a wedding he tells her she's not been invited to, or plan a weekend for herself at a later date whilst he takes care of dcs. This is something he may not like much and won't put up with. Where does that leave her.

[VanitasVanitatum]

Big red flag, big. Why doesn't he want to spend time with you? Clearly he should have a +1 and could very easily ask for one - logical conclusion is he doesn't want one.

[WowProjectingMuch]

Gosh, I'm surprised at this thread. I wouldn't have minded at all if my DH went to a wedding where I didn't know anyone without me. However, I would have expected him to do the same for me and to have grovelled a bit

I understand that the OP gets lumbered with most of the child 'rearing' but that's not the DHs fault as he is at work . It would be different if he was skivving off doing a hobby every weekend but that doesn't sound like its the case.

OP would you feel differently if you could go away for a fun weekend with your friends and your DH stayed home?

[Crinkle77]

It wouldn't bother me that I hadn't been invited especially if I didn't know them and it was just a small do. Saying that there do seem to be some things that don't add up.

[Salene]

It shows a red flag to me, I can't see a best man being invited without his partner

So for me it appears he doesn't want you to go with him , the reason for that you would need to decide

[Smorgasboard]

I doubt very much that you have never been invited to your DH's work social events by his work. More likely it's your DH that has never invited you. Knowing that, why would you continue to trust him so much?

[TheHumblePotato]

AnyFucker
somebody is telling porkies

I must disagree. Somebody is actually holding up massive big neon flashing red lights!

[TheHumblePotato]

YY DocHollywood And I bet it's short notice too, in which he has to cover for one of his colleagues. Not only does he get to play hero, he also gets to go away.

OP, don't be dragged into any web of lies and deceit. Make an informed decision. What you choose to do thereafter is up to you, but you owe it yourself to find out the truth.

In the meantime, start getting your shit in order; finances, passports, dc's documents, house shit. Expect the worst but hope for the best.

[DocHollywood]

I bet a work-related weekend away comes up shortly

[Cocosnapper]

He's doing someone else. Or planning to.

[AnyFucker]

I would not be at all surprised if there is no wedding.

it's a convenient enough excuse to get two good overnight stays somewhere

[BeCool]

It may be a tiny wedding - but would a wedding that small really involve a stag weekend too? seems unlikely.

[donemekmelarf]

If the wedding is so small, with very few guests, then there very often isn't a need for a best man.
The best man bit is more than likely made up.

[DarkNavyBlue]

My bet is that there is a wedding, to which you were not invited (I had just 4 friends to my wedding and no partners invited) but the 'best man' part was made up so you couldn't say no to him going.

[AnyFucker]

somebody is telling porkies

[theredjellybean]

sorry should read 'now he is NOT going '

[theredjellybean]

i dont feel that having time away doing individual stuff is a big issue, and I would feel odd telling my DP he couldnt do something...he is an adult and he can make his own decisions.
Its one weekend , maybe two if goes to stag do ...
However personally I would be really suspicious that he is invited to a wedding/is best man and you are not included in invite. Even a small second time around wedding....surely the BM's wife would be invited, if oyu are BM it implies you are close to groom and therefore he and bride might actually want to meet your wife...
For me it isnt about weekends away from family, it would be the possibility that there is more to this than a simple wedding invite.
Now he is going ...how do you feel OP ? Is he going to be grumpy all weekend cus he isnt at the party ??? not sure that will achieve anythign for either of you.
Could you explain to him that you felt not only excluded and takne for granted, but you felt it was odd that you werent invited , however if he then produces invite etc and it all looks kosher then he should go ahead. He has agreed to be BM, it is rude to let groom down now.

[DoristheCamel]

Hmm- Seems a bit of a cop out this.

I think the fact he is simply "just pulling out" more of a red flag than the initial fishy invite to the actual wedding.

[mix56]

I think OH has been insinuating that he is not in a happy marriage & if there is really a wedding (?) that he is free to go & his wife either wouldn't be able to go, or was already occupied. or generally reassure that he was happier without her. and planned to have fun with a female colleague