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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

taking a man 'to the cleaners' why???

174 replies

Ouchbloodyouch · 30/05/2015 15:06

Surely they must have done something to 'deserve' it?
I'm in a fairly new relationship. Divorce going through (his). If the ex is the one who instigated the split why would you then try and take everything away from them that they owned prior to meeting former wife.
I'd like to think if I was ending a marriage then obviously I would want enough to give the children stability but this is beyond the pale. I appreciate I am only getting one version of events. He has either seriously done something bad or are there people who are out for every penny they can get?
No other red flags whatsoever btw.

OP posts:
Ouchbloodyouch · 30/05/2015 20:42

sleepless I am! You did the reveal! Spoilsport Grin

OP posts:
MistressMerryWeather · 30/05/2015 20:42

O.o

MistressMerryWeather · 30/05/2015 20:44

Sorry, that face was to thatsthewayitgoes.

Ouch has already said she was not the OW.

Ouchbloodyouch · 30/05/2015 20:44

Oh my god there is another one! Can I clarify. She left for another man. He's still there! I'm the second girlfriend.

OP posts:
Ouchbloodyouch · 30/05/2015 20:46

Can all you sleuths link me to my other thread? The one where my exes wife is posting? Grin because I am in the dark!

OP posts:
viridus · 30/05/2015 20:54

The question is do you like being Robson's fish?

Ouchbloodyouch · 30/05/2015 21:04

I'd love to be Robsons fish. He has to lose the hat.

OP posts:
Pinkballoon · 30/05/2015 21:04

Why don't you ring his ex wife and ask her if she's really taking him to the cleaners? Do it in front of your man next time he brings it up. Then you'll get your answer. I suspect he'll be dragging the phone off you.

Ouchbloodyouch · 30/05/2015 21:05

Err ok balloon fab idea! Not.

OP posts:
SleeplessButNotInSeattle · 30/05/2015 21:06

OP said he's been single for four years! How is that destruction of a family?

SleeplessButNotInSeattle · 30/05/2015 21:11

If Kris Ouch was the OW, why would her opening post have questioned whether DP may have done something to justify being'taken to the cleaners'?

MistressMerryWeather · 30/05/2015 21:14

I'm sure his ex wife would just love that phone call.

"Hai there Mrs Ex! I'm just ringing to ask if you are taking Mr Ex to the cleaners or not? :)"

Ouchbloodyouch · 30/05/2015 21:38

Ps the thread is staying. I recanted my deletion.

OP posts:
Hessen · 30/05/2015 21:46

Did we find out who Robson Green was?

MistressMerryWeather · 30/05/2015 21:58

He is a fisherman.

pinkbadger · 30/05/2015 22:13

Good for you Ouch - why should you delete your thread?

Masses of projection and generalisation going on here! I think many posters either haven't properly read your posts or just plain don't care what you've said because you're the girlfriend of a separated man and must therefore be evil or deluded or both Grin

One or two posters have definitely strayed into 'unhinged' territory.

Trying to address your original post, just because someone instigated the split doesn't mean they are the 'guilty' party. I know in your case from a later post that she left for someone else but that's still doesn't make her 'at fault'. Anyway, fault doesn't play a part in the financial settlement.

I don't think that 'if' she is after a 'punitive' financial settlement that is alone red flag - it doesn't necessarily mean he 'has done something to deserve it'. You need to look at the whole picture.

Btw - My DH happily paid his XW the agreed maintenance, she kept the house so the children would have a stable home. I was there when she tried to give him his share of the interest on a joint account she'd closed, he told her to keep it, she insisted he took it. Not everyone is out for everything they can get. This was almost 20 years ago. Step kids are adults now, he paid maintenance until they left full time education. She was the one who ended the marriage, I'm sure not without reason though.

Ouchbloodyouch · 30/05/2015 22:30

Thanks for your kind post pink and all other helpful mn'ers Flowers

OP posts:
Melonfool · 30/05/2015 22:34

I'd just like it noted that I don't know why Goddess has named me here and I have no idea what she is talking about.

Melonfool · 30/05/2015 22:34

I'd just like it noted that I don't know why Goddess has named me here and I have no idea what she is talking about.

TheOldWiseOne · 30/05/2015 22:40

OP I don't actually see the point of posting this AT ALL if you are unable to talk about details blah blah ..how are you expecting to get answers? You just want people to agree with you? "Oh his wife is such a bitch" etc? IMO if you were that concerned about giving too much info in case you are recognised - then you just wouldn't post.... unless you are trying to do what goddess has suggested...

How are you going to be recognised ? In real life? Or here ?

catmaze · 30/05/2015 22:41

The "I know something that you don't" attitude of certain posters is despicable and childish.

I am shocked by it, and find it quite intimidating. Very unpleasant indeed.

Pinkballoon · 30/05/2015 22:50

Ouch
The idea was to see if she actually is taking him to the cleaners - or if that's just what he's telling you? If she is, then he'd have no problem with the phone call? Have you not met her yet?

I (under different circumstances) spoke to the ex wife of an ex boyfriend who was giving me exactly the same 'taken me to the cleaners' line, plus the 'won't let me see my kids' line, plus the 'she's mad and drunk' line. Turned out he'd been repeatedly unfaithful so she'd filed for divorce; left them in debt from the affair - so she was entitled to significant compensation from the financial settlement; and had no interest in seeing his kids.

2 sides to every story.

Just be careful!

SleeplessButNotInSeattle · 30/05/2015 22:57

She asked, fairly reasonably I thought, whether her new partner might be being 'taken to the cleaners' because his ex was being awkward, or might it be a sign that DP had done something to cause the animosity.

You can give an opinion on likelihood of both scenarios without further information.

Ouchbloodyouch · 30/05/2015 22:58

He's said NOTHING nasty at all. Basically she has refused mediation and an offer. She is financially independent. The going to court will likely cost him his home. She has bought a house with her fiance.
Can you see now why extra details may be identifying?

OP posts:
Ouchbloodyouch · 30/05/2015 22:59

sleepless that was indeed my thoughts!

OP posts: