Husband and friend

[spottybottycream]

We are currently helping a friend of mine out of an abusive relationship.
She is now living on her own with her two children, but has started texting and calling my DH for every little thing. Draw broken, call DH. Text from abusive ex, call DH in tears.
To be honest I feel she should be calling me. DH just fixes drawer or makes consoling noises and is being supportive because I initially asked him to be but he is getting annoyed with it all now. I don't know how to back off without looking like I'm abandoning her after all the help we gave to get her set up on her own.

You are either the kind of woman who hits on your friend's dh or youre not. i suspect shes already hit on him and he cant face telling op, which is why she didnt come to the door. i despise this behaviour and i refuse to believe her abuse is to blame.

Exactly.
No matter how much I had been abused, I would still not hit on my friend's husband.
There is no excuse.

I'm sorry but I'm finding it very hard to believe the DH is completely innocent/honest in all this.

He's spent lots of time alone with her, where she's had ample opportunity to "come on" to him and it's just this weekend's texts that have made him think he needs to back away?

I'm not saying anything has happened but there must have been conversations

Yes. Why is the husband so eager to help?

So she is a slag now too?!

Wow.

Hiding this thread as this is disgusting.

Surely it is just mean to make a play for OP's DH.

Spotty has helped her, supported her, tried to assist her on getting back on her feet, lent her stuff, tried to help her get back on her feet and this woman repays her by trying to snare her husband. Whatever she has been through, it's unwarranted, mean, underhand and really bad behaviour. There is NO justification whatsoever AFAIC.

I had one of these a few years ago. A mutual friend asked if we could help this woman who was just out of a nasty relationship and had moved to just across the road from us. Like you it was mainly dh as it was DIY stuff I provided cake and chat.

Then I went away for three nights on business. She could see the lights go on in our living room and the first night minutes after dh got back she was round with a bottle of wine. She drank the lot herself and was very difficult to get rid of. Second night dh out for meal and drinks with work, she text him asking why he wasn't home. He explained, she replied 'what pub I'll come join you', he replied 'No, not appropriate'. she carried on texting, he ignored. Third night the poor bloke got food on the way home and ate in the bedroom to avoid lights in the living room, she continued to text asking when he would be home, inviting him round to hers. He continued to ignore.

When I got back he showed me all the texts and said he was never going anywhere near her again. I had some duty free ciggies for her so I took them round, she was sulky with me and then said that she and dh had had 'lovely, cosy times' while I was away. I laughed and said I'd seen the texts and I couldn't get where the lovely and cosy came into it. In the time it took me to get from her flat to ours she had text dh saying 'how dare you show the texts to Jenny, they were private texts about OUR relationship'. He showed me that one as well and blocked her number.

What exactly is disgusting about a woman wanting to protect her husband from a predatory female?
The wife has offered her husband to help this woman, on numerous occasions. - that is how nice she is.
Only for this woman to start to latch on to the husband - completely blanking the wife..

I know which part of this I'm disgusted by.

Hiding this thread as this is disgusting

No.

A woman has kindly offered her husband to be supportive to another woman.
However, the other woman has behaved disgustingly by fixating and getting possessive about another woman's husband - to the extent that she won't even answer the door to her.

THAT is disgusting.

The OP has only acted with kindness.
This kindness has been taken advantage of.

I believe Bogey is disgusted by the names people are calling the "friend", not by the OP.

Oh no OP, how crappy for you and your DH.

You thought you were helping out a friend and then she treats you like this? So sorry but as others have said she's not interested in being YOUR friend any more. Xx

What exactly is disgusting about a woman wanting to protect her husband from a predatory female?

Absolutely no-one has suggested anything unsavoury about OP.

I agree the outpouring of filth here, about the woman, is disgusting. It's like watching some kind of playground pile-on.

You can protect yourself with dignity and compassion. I feel pretty sure spotty & DH are more than capable of doing so.

I feel sorry for the OP.

OP, you sound like a lovely person.
You have tried to help this woman, via your husband doing jobs for you,
and this is how she repays you.

It's disgusting.

your husband doing jobs for her

I have no reason to mistrust or doubt my DH, so please can people stop with the insinuations that he has somehow knowingly encouraged this behaviour, because he has not.

Its not just been this weekend, its been going on for weeks since she left her ex. However it has gone up a gear this weekend which has prompted me to post for advice. Its when we took the advice for DH to tell her he is busy and to contact me that she has gone all funny on us.

Can anybody answer this question?

Why do you think that the friend refused to answer the door when OP knocked? (the OP who has gone out of her way to help the friend - even offering the services of her husband)

(doesn't sound like the actions of a 'nice' person)

I think she will text him again when she thinks you are back at work.

OP,
Hopefully she will find some other man to latch on to and leave your husband alone.
Take care x

I think your DH has to resort to not responding at all and then think about blocking her number and/or changing his own.

I suspect she didn't answer the door because she'd got the message that the OP knew what she was up to when the DH stopped responding. Either she was embarassed or she was scared.

Especially not responding to "distress" calls - whether DIY in nature, or anything else.
In fact, he should just block her number now (or get a new one).

Done, people have already surmised that [a] she was embarrassed, or [b] she thinks OP's trying to come between her and DH.

If it's embarrassment, then she's a decent person who's gone off the rails. If it's anger, she's so far off the rails she can't see the station.

More reasonably - ask yourself if a woman would do that if she was executing a careful plan to seduce OP's husband? I can tell you she wouldn't, because I've been through that more than once: the would-be OW goes out of her way to keep the wife close.

She's gone loopy. This doesn't mean anyone should play along with her. But it's understandable.

donemekmelaf, her arrogance at not answeing the door is breathtaking. op her good friend goes out of her way to take round mower and she treats her like that? my only assumption is this victim knew she had gone too far and was too cowadly to look op in the eye.

OP where do you want to go from here? Is this the end of the road for you or would you continue with the friendship once proper boundaries were established?

I don't know. I feel so let down by her at the minute, I'm going between sadness and anger and I'm not sure I could trust myself to remain calm when talking to her. And I would need to talk to her to be able to try to get past this. I couldn't just brush I under the carpet.

donemekmelarf

Two guesses:

She was dressed inappropriately or naked so couldn't let the OP see her.

Or she thought that if she didn't answer, OP wouldn't leave the lawn mower and then the husband would have to bring it round later or tomorrow.