Just found evidence

[ExitStrategyHelp]

Now what?

It's too late for a conversation - long day in the office for both of us.

Unfortunately his loved-up texts (and sex talk) went to DS2's iPad. He is confused. I am angry although not as hurt as you might expect as I am not surprised.

Sigh. I don't have the energy for this….

^ ^

His parents are both dead, hence the temptation to tell his sibs.

Oh, I am so not going to keep this a secret, but I need to have a strategy before I go spouting off just because I'm furious.

I have at times been unhappy, but mostly simply not-blissfully-happy IYSWIM. Both of us really busy, working all hours in responsible jobs, kids, caring responsibilities for elderly relative yadda yadda, nothing truly unusual.
I have been frigging lonely in this relationship for many years.
The man does not know how to communicate (this has a long family tradition on his side).
I should've listened to who he told me he was before we married 18 years ago. It was all there.

Are you feeling ok about tonight? As ok as you can be.

Pack his bag, Exit

Enlist a good friend to help get your dc into bed this eve.

Tell him to naff off while you start to process the reality.

Sit down with friend and then early night.

Tomorrow you can start planning the rest of your life.

Sounds like a blessing in disguise from that description of your relationship. Once you've sorted all the legal and practical stuff you can concentrate on building a nice life.

I'm really sorry that this is happening to you, OP. Hopefully you will be in a position to bring it all to a halt very soon.

I realise that this next suggestion will not be popular but, let him be the unreasonable one and don't lower yourself to his level. Snippy texts just let him know that you're bothered and it gives him an insight into your mood that he no longer has the right to. You texted him and said that he didn't 'ask about DS'. Then he did and you text back 'DS is DS'. For their sake, don't make this a text war. Switch everything off; your sons can do other stuff than play on IPads.

Even if you're not heartbroken over the split, it would be nice for you to have some distractions with your children - take them out - and, when they're with their dad - go out yourself and have some time to do what you want.

You poor thing op. I hope you and your DS are ok. What a prick.

There are some really scary men out there. I am so sorry you're going through this.

Do not tell him what to do. If you do, he will say you kicked him out, he wanted to try but you really didn't......woe is me.

I'd text- "every other weekend is normal isn't it? Hope she's worth it. Ds will need some support so I've told family."

How have you got on? Did he come home?

I agree with the poster who said don't go down the snippy text route, don't fuck with his head or anything like that. The best thing, IMHO, is to put DS first, retain your dignity for him. Don't play games, or let the bitterness take you over. Gather your friends to you - they are your saviours IME.

See a solicitor - you'll get a free half hour.
Start compiling facts and figures, do a list of outgoings - make sure it includes everything. Get all your paperwork together. All of this will make you feel as though you are making progress.

What do you think she should reply to the text Good? What would you advise she do tonight?

I suspect Exit's husband is already home now and hopefully being less passive than his crappy text message.

His text message doesn't warrant a response. I'd let him talk. Let him twist himself into knots.

Then I would tell him to go.

Then I would fall apart.

I think you're giving good advice good.

Thank you. My story is very similar.

for you OP.

Shit that when marriages get bogged down by the daily grid, one person decides that they'll just help themselves to whatever they like outside of the marriage and to hell with the consequences.

Selfish bastard.

I agree - gather friends and support and find SHL. And H can take his sorry arse and his dirty washing to a travelodge or similar.

This is just awful, and you have my sympathies. I hope you're alright.

I hope your ok OP and have seen his sorry ass packing xxx

Exit , I'm so sorry that you had your suspicions confirmed in such a disgusting way.

I'm probably far too late but in the same situation and my Dh asked the same question ' what do you want me to do ? ' - I answered honestly .

I told him to 'assume nothing'. I pointed out before I knew , his and OW 's plans were the plans they had made together. The reality was now I knew; those 'plans' may be shaken a bit. I asked if her house was big enough for the 2 of them AND his kids full time.
I told him I may be the full time parent / house wife whilst married to him but if no longer his wife , he needn't assume I would fulfil that role anymore .
I told him he may have it all mapped out his future with her; if that was what he wanted fine with me I wouldn't stand in his way. BUT I also needed to start again and find my new future so he needn't assume I would be the one to stay at home , mop up his shit he created whilst he sailed off into the
sunset with OW. I needed to concentrate on building my future alone.
I said it could well be me that sailed off as he had the family & financial support for the kids that I didn't.

I tell you, when the realisation/ implications of his affair/ my reactions sunk in - his face was a picture.....then his utter panic started.
I feel I crushed a fantasy in a few short paragraphs.

I hope you are okay.

I hope your DC took the news as well as they could.

pausingforbreath, bloody good for you. I hope Exit can channel a bit of that attitude.