HOBBIT’S BAR – still finding it hard to move on…part 9

[bobs123]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, ask for advice, relate to others in the same situation, take a break and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her.
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.

Our theme tune is

My name is bobs, 55, married 22 years, 2 DDs 21 & 18 who have NC with their Dad. Nisi granted last April on the basis of 2 year separation while living in the same house. Tried solicitors for over a year to sort out the financials, then mediation for 5 months which didn’t work as due to his PA nature he is all but supine and unable to contribute. Sold our family home over a year ago and have been living in rental as he had the house proceeds frozen. He has now been given a choice of accepting my proposal or going to arbitration or court.

Link to last thread, which has links to all the previous threads here

MrsC we "met" because we were both going through a torrid time. But that's what it was and so that is what it is. They can't control that.

Bloody hell - what a favour they did us. You make me laugh daily. I'm so glad I've got you as a friend. Someone I can call when I'm not having the best of days.

We dealt with your husband in court. We did the best we could under very, very difficult circumstances. Thank God for pineapples...

Your husband is now trying to get the both of us imprisoned. How will he cope if he fails?

Word on the street is - we're just mighty fine.

But ain't we both glad we didn't post smiley faced pineapples. Yes, you, CallMeNancy: we're looking at you. You have a sense of humour...and so you're guilty as charged. You are to blame for gunning us on....

It was your smiley faced pineapple that caused the most outrage!!!

Thank God that those of us who have a sense of humour can cope with this shit.

But if you're a poster who 'upped pineapple sales' be afraid. Be very afraid. Mr WT is gunning for you.

In fact...eschew pineapples. Because MrWT is most definitely gunning for you...

Wanker! Oh, and Twat.

Yours, the contemptible WWK.

Not yet charged...but waiting.

And there was me trying very hard not mention court or pineapples!

Guilty as charged - I posted a pineapple masquerading as a pompom - in fact mine was a moving pineapple. Wouldn't show up as such on a printout though!

why he's just a toxic twat. Next time I would get straight back in the car, lock the doors and wind the window down just a crack if you really need to talk to him. Hopefully the DC had a good time which is the important thing

Yeah - we be doing fine. MrWT decided to decree that we both be arrested for contempt.

I am, I agree, most contemptuous.

Still not arrested...

Not going to happen either. Bugger. I wanted some excitement!

What are these deluded arseholes like. wwk and MrsC you'll be on crimewatch next. Not sure if it's a catergory...crimes against twunts.
As for contempt... the only contempt round here is for MrWT and his tart.

You just couldn't make this shit up.

Cheese and pineapple anyone?

Prefer my pineapple liquidised and made into a pina colada

Bobs you'll be gutted to know that your pom-pom pineapple didn't qualify as evidence...

Neither MrsC nor I know who CallMeNancy is...but she's in the dock with us!

It's that ludicrous!

You're right bobs I should have locked the doors and left the window open slightly or even just driven off. Unfortunately after all those years of being control I still automatically do what he wants. I could kick myself.
My girls haven't said much about it so I expect a meltdown tomorrow. However, my little one did say that they left my eldest in the hotel room on her own. I shall be investigating that a bit further.

wwk it is ludicrous and bloody unbelievable.

pina coladas all round.

Absolutely gutted.! What did her pineapple have that mine didn't must"ve been the smile that did it

Yep, the smiley pineapple was Exhibit A.

The photo of the actual pineapple, purchased by yours truly, on the bench waiting to go to court was Exhibit B.

And the poster (and I'm not naming her) who wrote: 'well it at least you pair are a confirmed loons' condemned us, totally and completely.

Ho hum.

Ha haWWk
Free the pineapple two! Or three if we ever find out who nancy is

Laughing aside, they really are a nasty pair of idiots aren't they?

Didn't know they were reading mrsc s thread, < didn't know they could read actually>

Come and seek asylum here with us at the bar, we' ll hunker down and repel any attempt at arrest .

I think it is time for a new Jess pic - what a shitty day here - rain, windy and getting worse if you believe the weather forecast...

Good idea, wise, if only I had a pineapple !

Got a tin of pineapple, not quite the same though.....

I've clearly missed some pineapple related nonsense :)

Jess showing her support for her sisters....
Never surrender wwk and mrsc soz about the tinned pineapple < sob>

That dog loves you so much, Hobbit and she has her tin of pineapples ( whatever the heck that is all about !) . Still "back in bed"...am I lazy?

Good pineapple everyone!

Sweeney

Morning all. Just getting psyched up to put waterproof everything on and take dog for a walk. Nice and warm and dry here on the sofa.

STBXH did quite a hoovering attempt yesterday. I don't think he is wanting to come back, although I do think he genuinely regrets leaving. But he does want to keep a relationship with me, makes him feel secure. This is not what I want, but I'm keeping things amicable but as distant as possible until divorce finalised.

So....As I told you all, I secured dream job last week. This after 18 years of not being allowed to work and being told how useless I am, in great detail. Yesterday STBXH visited (expected) with a very generous gift which he then demonstrated. It wasn't actually something I want but a current craze of his. Expensive though. He spent sometime here before visiting some of the children, well, the ones who will see him.

When I woke up this morning I found I was feeling sad about the split, so I dug out a journal I'd been keeping in February and March, just after he'd left the 2nd time. I'd kept it for just such a time as this, I'd written down his atrocious behaviours to fortify me if he tried hoovering and went all kind and thoughtful.

It worked. Why would I feel sad that such a cruel and abusive cunt had left me? I also looked up Hoovering again and I think the generous gift was an attempt, conscious or not, to keep me hooked into a relationship after I had made such a significant step forward with my own life.

Such mind-fuckery, it never stops. But I'm so happy that I spotted what was going on.

Welcome to 2little and Rebecca. Sorry you've had to come and join us. Great support here though. 2little you posted that we all sound so strong and independent. Only because we've been dealing with this shit for so long, we've all been reeling from the pain and shock too and wondering how to put one foot in front of the other. Reading my journal from just those few months ago I can see how far I've come. I was struggling to do anything. Just listing what I needed to do was an achievement.

Look after yourselves and your little ones. Remember to really look after yourselves, with the love and kindness you deserve. Then you can be there for your children. I wrote " It's really important that I look after myself, because nobody else is going to". Sad, but a vital truth.

wise read the bit about wwk and mrsc and you will get it

Nah, you're not a lazy caah, I've been up since seven, walked the dog and then gone back to bed! It's cosy! I've for Netflix and coffee, excellent times...

I did walk the dog with my nightie on under my coat< scruffy caah>
Tee he...

Crikey hobbit are you in the bed with me??? I have a bacon sandwich now...

That sounds good Hobbit. . Trying to decide between asking Hobbit to shove up a bit, will bring own coffee, or woman-up and take dog out. Mind you, dog curled up tight hoping I forget his existence on a wet day. So much for being a rough shooting breed.

Suppose it depends on what is on Netflix.

In the meantime, have hidden a file in a pineapple, ready to help spring MrsC and WWK when they get banged up.

Wise, you're here too! Wondered where the smell of bacon was coming from.

Morning everyone, not long up [bush] sorry

Weather is horrible, it's chucking it down. I think it's supposed to clear up later but they have been known to be wrong.

2little yes what Rozalia says. Some of us on here have been dealing with this for quite a while and we have all been a mess and felt unable to cope at various stages. If you read some of our earlier threads, linked in the OP, you will see the progress that we have made and that you will make too.

Welcome to Rebecca too, sorry you're struggling at the moment.

Great post Roz you've come a long way, and can now recognise every attempt to manipulate and reel you back in, and deflect it, acknowledging our weaknesses is a form of strength, and you are showing a great deal of that.

I'm still hurt and angry about "pamphletgate " but will just have to process that and move forward again.Had a friend round for a meal last night, and she did agree that I wasn't being unreasonable. His replacing me with her and publicising it was insensitive. I have to live here in this village and that was unkind. We have done this event as part of a group for the last ten years and he knows the photographs are always in the local rag, yet I "wasn't helping myself" by getting irritated by his lack of consideration.

I wonder if the "Uzis" are back in stock at Tesco yet?