HOBBIT’S BAR – still finding it hard to move on…part 9

[bobs123]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, ask for advice, relate to others in the same situation, take a break and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her.
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.

Our theme tune is

My name is bobs, 55, married 22 years, 2 DDs 21 & 18 who have NC with their Dad. Nisi granted last April on the basis of 2 year separation while living in the same house. Tried solicitors for over a year to sort out the financials, then mediation for 5 months which didn’t work as due to his PA nature he is all but supine and unable to contribute. Sold our family home over a year ago and have been living in rental as he had the house proceeds frozen. He has now been given a choice of accepting my proposal or going to arbitration or court.

Link to last thread, which has links to all the previous threads here

Thank you everyone for all your kind posts this morning. Much appreciated.

Home I had already spoken to my Solicitor, thank you. Everything will be in OW's name so not much I can do. Nisi is next month and everything has been agreed so will be divorced fairly soon. My Solicitor did suggest I could delay applying for the Absolute as Sid wants the sale to go through as soon as we're divorced and I could use it as a bargaining tool as they will have to pay rent until we are divorced. Sid can't sell anything without me agreeing to it.

It hurts that he is happy and excited. It would be funny if she did cheat on him. I'd love to ask him about that, but I can't without him knowing BIL told my sister who told me and I can't do that unfortunately.

Izzie yes that's a good point. I suppose I can plan better knowing what their plans are. I'm trying not to let it derail me but it has thrown me and I'm jealous of what they are doing.

1 I don't think Sid's thought about me in all of this. He says token words but I don't think he's got any concept of how unacceptable this is. It suits their selfish needs so they're doing it. I should be used to it by now We are still married, yes.

Green thanks. No reasonable person would have done half the things these idiots have done would they. Hope today went okay for you.

Braving I agree. What sort of woman funds her still married boyfriend (that sounds so wrong) buying a house so that he can avoid his wife having a claim on it. Bonfire sounds good!

Hobbit yes I did speak to my Solicitor and as Flooz is bankrolling the lot, until the divorce, there's nothing I can do about it.

Very good iwas yes we do know where no 6 is

iwas have you signed an agreement with him yet?

Izzie we've had in place for a while a signed agreement covering all of what he said he'd pay in terms of for the children, me and towards the running costs/maintenance of the house. It does cover not selling properties in there as well. As he was being generous when we started discussing it all I wanted it in writing in case he changed his mind.

Hey, just stopping by...Hobbit, I know you've had a difficult time utterly hellish experience. Sending love and hugs to you but remember, what OW doesn't realise is that she's created a vacancy...they never do of course because they think they can fulfil the errant husband's dreams it will never happen to them. So very very deluded. Life goes on and you DO recover...we all know that it will happen because everybody who has gone through this experience life shattering hell says so. Believe in that my darling xx

Hey MrsC good to see you again.

Now ain't that the truth. KOKO.

Hobbit when the tell you 'to get over it' - it can just mean they are 'just trying to get on with it'.

Don't necessarily make 'em successful. x.

Hi MrsC how are you doing? Good that you dropped by. Obviously survived today hope you're having lots of

iwas my love, I'm so sorry, why is it when we think things are going along a little better, and we feel our strength returning a little, something always comes along to fuck us up again.

Obviously, mine was just a photograph, nothing to compare to that bombshell that just landed in your lap, but it still undermined my happiness and made me cry. i just want to feel normal again and not be defined by what's happened and I worry that I'm always going to be damaged by their actions. They are going to get married and they are going to buy a house, and I have to deal with that as you will have to. The total lack of empathy and consideration shown towards us is just breathtaking, not just from the twunts themselves but from people all around us.

I will come back up, I always do, but it's hard when you keep getting pushed down again.

Hi wwk and mrsc thank you for your lovely words.
Hope you are ok after court mrsc and gave the gruesome twosome what for.
Going to try and sleep now, don't know if I'll manage it, and I'd improved such a lot on that front. Hey-ho, divorce is hell ain't it.

Iwas it doesn't sound right that he gets to buy a much nicer house than you could afford surely it needs to be taken into account that he has a rich OW providing for him therefore his needs are less and more for you? Could you maybe look at removing the clause which stops you selling for a year? That way you could sell up immediately the divorce is finalised if you wished and you wouldn't be tied for another year having to watch all their goings on. My feeling is that he aims to deliberately make things unbearable for you during that year so that he can get hold of your house. And what seller would agree to indefinitely rent? Surely they need the money from the sale. I've been following your threads from the beginning and have always thought that your ex is a talented con man but he has surpassed himself if it is the truth that he has persuaded a seller to accept this arrangement. Yes I do think OW will cheat on Sid. For him it might take a year or so for the shine to wear off but she is probably just interested in his money, yes she is well off but that wouldn't stop her wanting more.

Hobbit I don't know how you had the strength not to just bin the lot how insensitive and ignorant some people are.

Hope you're okay MrsC

Hobbit thank you. It's not just a photograph though is it. It's something that's very understandably upset you and you've already had a lot to contend with this week and don't get me started again on FF's text! "I just want to feel normal again" I've thought that loads of times. I don't know what normal is anymore, it's certainly not the normal I've been used to.

It is hard knowing your husband is buying a house with another woman and probably going to marry her and there's nothing you can do about it. If the roles were reversed I wouldn't do this to him as I would have more respect for his feelings. Sid told me not long ago that he still loves me so how can he does this?

Wish I could give you a big hug [hug] x

Unfortunately I couldn't just bin the lot because they are paid for by subscription, < like a local magazine> so I had to deliver the fuckers. They are also in the local shops, so whoop de doo, lucky me gets to see them when I go in there as well.
Feel like hiding in a cave for a month, that's how long they'll be there.
Can't believe it

Hobbit does the joint account extend to a holiday? Or a trip round the country visiting your Hobbiteers? Sorry if I'm being flippant it's how I deal with shit its amazing how life can go downhill when there is contact in any way shape or form. The rest of the time we feel life is what we make of it, then suddenly BAM there they are

Hobbit a lesser woman would have refused to deliver them. So a big up to you for doing it.

Does anyone know what actually happened re MrsC and would like to PM ?

If floozy has all this money and the best she can attract is a few shags from someone, and a bloke old enough to be her father.......just how bad is she??

its amazing how life can go downhill when there is contact in any way shape or form

And also in my case, discussing hm with DS2. He wasnt impressed that I asked him for information. I should be more like DS1, who is much more flippant about the whole thing.

Thanks izzbob I am great aren't I?
Foolish cow more like, I did text my friend and said I was upset she hadn't told me their picture was on the front when she gave them to me,they had a covering letter with them so I didn't see their ugly mugs until I started the delivery.

She said she meant to tell me but 'forgot' and was sorry, she hadn't meant to upset me. I think I might 'forget' to reply to that and 'forget' to bother with her again for a while. Let's see if she 'forgets' anything else....fucker....

Hobbit you were quite righ to text her. And if she had any sense about her, she should have got off her arse and delivered them herself this time. Yes I would also forget her for a while. Silence often says more than words. As I'm finally learning courtesy of moother. Although a punch well aimed at a twunt would be a lot more satisfying .

The last time the twunt was round he took some power tools, including a jigsaw. He said I didn't know how to use it. Well, I do now I've looked it up. And I want to cut up the remainder of something, so I can dump it I. The dustbin rather than taking it to the tip. I will give it a few weeks or so and ask for it, when I have time to use it

Agree with Izzie - you texted her, she said sorry - she should have been a bit more sorry!!! She should have found it inappropriate to even consider printing it, friend or not.

Yeah , I will raise that point bobs

The trouble is they are both ten years older than me, and both a bit tactless as older people tend to be.

But still... That was and is going to be shit for me for a while...

I'm seriously going to regret all this tomorrow. Got to be up by 6.30. Ah well, think I may have a daytime kip tomorrow.