HOBBIT’S BAR – still finding it hard to move on…part 9

[bobs123]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, ask for advice, relate to others in the same situation, take a break and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her.
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.

Our theme tune is

My name is bobs, 55, married 22 years, 2 DDs 21 & 18 who have NC with their Dad. Nisi granted last April on the basis of 2 year separation while living in the same house. Tried solicitors for over a year to sort out the financials, then mediation for 5 months which didn’t work as due to his PA nature he is all but supine and unable to contribute. Sold our family home over a year ago and have been living in rental as he had the house proceeds frozen. He has now been given a choice of accepting my proposal or going to arbitration or court.

Link to last thread, which has links to all the previous threads here

Roz you are amazing!

Ive been thinking of MrsC too, hope she is ok.

Izzie two months, he is a twat! am so sorry you still dealing with his fuckwittery :(

Have been following you all throughout but not posting much as have not much to share really. Did a contact handover today, dragged the oldest out with me for moral support and it all went ok. Youngest is coming home by bus on Sunday so I don't have to see him then.

Weird thing though, asked for my post today..he points to massive pile of it. I go, ok is that all for me? he says dont know I just put it there. In said pile there is about 5% of post for me, some for him and the rest is junk mail and post for previous owners. Took me a while to go through it.

Ridiculous really.

The best I can say of today is that H was at least civil when he collected dd and brought her back, his mother was here when he brought her back and didn't bother getting up to go to speak to him which is telling.

And the dishwasher is on, dd and ddog watched the official switch on ceremony, it's not very full but we wanted to try it out.

According That's just laziness, I put Hs post in a pile for when he calls, but just his post, tbh I even bin obvious junk mail and I open any that's obviously house related rather than personal, SKY etc.

Thank for for the update on MrsC inlectorcumbit we are all,thinking of her and wishing her well.

Had a bad day again today, we have a local monthly pamphlet in the village advising of local events and things that have occurred, and I help to deliver it around the village to keep costs down. Guess whose picture is on the front cover, smiling at an event we attended as a couple for the last 10'years?
Yes. FF and BF as I live and fucking breathe!

Now I know I can't dictate what they want to put on the cover, but two friends of mine are involved in the publishing and printing of said pamphlet, and they knew it was coming out, and one of them actually handed them over to me to deliver them, and she never thought to mention it to me?
I then had to look at it every time I put it through someone's door, by the time I got home I was in a rage.
Am I being unreasonable ? I did text her to ask her why she hadn't told me, I think she thought I wouldn't be bothered! Ffs, what is wrong with these people? Im supposed to get over this massive betrayal in 7 months?
I'm not having a good week,

Ffs, don't people think? I'm so sorry to hear about that Hobbit.

Have some , , , whatever it takes.

No you are not being unreasonable. How thoughtless of your friends. There must have been other photos they could have used.

I let myself down and text FF as well, that was a mistake, I've blocked him now, so that I won't do It again.

He said , " FFS, it's really time you got a grip and moved on , you're not helping yourself"

As you can imagine, that didn't go down well....

Oh fuck, does this nightmare ever end...

braving your dishwasher tales have made me smile. Enjoy

Very telling that his own mother didn't bother to get up to speak to him. Says it all..

according weird about post. Seems like he can't be bothered. depressed??

Mr HRT very subdued. He spoke to our financial person at bank who we've been dealing with for years. Apparently she said she was really shocked at our 'news'. Given him pause for thought apparently. I've begged, his mother has sobbed, his father actually discussed MLC with him but now the lady at the bank has expressed shock and he's listened.... I've been listening too.... to his crap for far too long..He's really pushing for trial separation idea. We aren't ready for divorce are we?? On the plus side he's brought home a lovely bottle of red. I don't mind if I do.....don't worry... I'm not fooled..... Just increasingly tipsy....

hobbit That's outrageous. I'm so shocked. It's totally crass and frankly cruel. They expected you to deliver a pamphlet with him and her on the front. I'm not speechless often but that has rendered me so. I'd have dumped them in a bin. I'm sensitive about what I say to a friend who was divorced 15 or so years ago. I wouldn't expect her to look at a picture of him
and his wife. You're still married to him for goodness sake. What's wrong with people

Hobbit that is disgusting from that twat. Just read that also to DS1, he wasn't impressed either. I'm 7 months down the line. As for those who printed the leaflet, wtf!! What a really nice way to promote your village, a couple of adulterers, one of whom has fuck all to do with his sons. Sounds familiar. I'm livid for you

Oh Hobbit that must have been really hard for you seeing that. People really don't think do they, how the hell did they not realise. Fancy not being fine seven months later

"It's time you got a grip and moved on" As you've said on more than one occasion I've got the rage on your behalf. What an absolutely insensitive, heartless thing to say. If Sid had texted that to me I think I would have even told him to fuck off!! I'm livid for you, I really can't believe he even thought that let alone texted it. Twunt, bastard, arsehole and most definitely no 6! Have and I think you need lots of

Hobbit The fact that you delivered them says at lot about you as a person, I'm not sure I could have, so thoughtless, I assume you're friends haven't been through this situation themselves.

Thank you Roz my love, it's got me questioning my reason here, I'm on the floor again.
People are so thoughtless when it isn't affecting their lives.

I'm increasingly in favour of your commune idea hobbit - the rest of the world is crazy.

Would like to ditto hobbit inlectorcumbit - hope Mrsc is ok.

according braving probably right - more likely just lazy.

Without wanting to wish our lives away I wish I had a fast forward button and could transplant us all to a point in time where we couldn't give a stuff about them and we didn't have to deal with all of this shit all the time. I've just poured a glass of wine, Izzietinis all round I think!

Oh Hobbit hoe utterly intensive of said friends I'd have been tempted to draw little willies/saggy tits on their pic, or just obliterate with a sharpie

Hobbit you haven't let yourself down! He let you down, and your sons, when he cleared off with BF. You are lovely, thoughtful, kind, caring, funny and I am sure I speak for everyone else on here when I say I think you're brilliant. He is a total fool for letting you go. x

Well SF's sol did send an email - at 6pm! Yet more procrastinating. Need to mull over what to do......

hobbit we all know he's a fool.

Hobbit that's dreadful. Utterly dreadful. Have a large wine, a good cry, and let's work on next week being a bit better. As for your friend, I'm afraid she's just plain tactless. I've had a lot of that from my own mother and 'man'friend to the point that I have learnt no longer to nod and smile. If you have to point out how awful someone's behaviour is, you might as well do so in no uncertain terms.

I'll give you a ring over the weekend if that's okay and try to cheer you up a bit. I know the comedown after the 'final hearing/mediation' is a tough one to get through first hand, but you do come up again. Take care - and remember you're just plain gorgeous to us.

It's been an 'interesting' divorcing Friday phenomena so I'm a little distracted elsewhere this evening. The unmentionable one is absolutely fine, rest assured.

What a fucking cold hearted piece of shite he is. Yes Hobbit both yours and mine. I feel venom for that twat which is normally reserved for the likes of whyme's ex, for example. You, lady, are worth a million of him, you always were I reckon, and I hope that one day he realises what he has thrown away and that it destroys him. By which time, my love, you most certainly will have moved on. Fucking hell I would love to be let loose on him and give him what he deserves.

bobs 6pm on a Friday? Call me a cynic but don't think you were supposed to see it until Monday...

WWK good to hear the unmentionable one is fine. Hope everything went as well as it could.

wwk think there's some good news inferred in post. My goodness we need some.

Well my sol's secretary told me they normally shut 5.30 but she would be working late and would forward anything on

It's certainly Twuntsnight tonight. Got an email reply from him, but in response to a question about the water tank in the loft that the builders have moved without permission. He said that it's not a good idea for me to move it back. No suggestion of him helping of course. As for the question of the garage roof, totally ignored. He then went on to say he was trying to organise coming over here for a short while, had been trying to arrange this during the week but the kids don't seem to have got back to him. Well, that's the first I've heard about it!!! Fucking cheek. He then asks me if DS1 is working today. I've not replied. Nothing of any value to me. Entitled prick.