Affair Part 5 - fab phee kicks arse wearing her skinny jeans

[OpheliaRose]

Many you will have read my threads 1 2 3 4

A month ago I discovered my Husband had been having an affair with a girl from his work. I thought it was one of the most painful moments of my life but the subsequent day where far more painful when the full extent of his betrayal was exposed to me and he has shown no remorse or sorrow over the loss of our marriage in fact he has left me for the OW

I have started divorce procedures on the grounds of adultery each day is proving a struggle but I am getting through it with the help of all of you.

All I want when this is over is for me and my Twins to be happy. We all deserve so much better than him

If this is how he wants your lives to be then he's going to have to cough up and buy his sons some car seats (at the very least).

You quite rightly don't know the history of those seats (does he?). Even a low speed prang requires replacement of car seats. Plus who will he scrounge them off when him and WF are no more? Xx

Phee use his monies to buy brand new car seats for your twins. Explain him that car seats have expiry dates (if I were you I would have also added that you would not allow your kids to touch any stationery item she went close by- let alone car seats!)
How old is her child? when did she divorce?
About working attire: there are now some shirt-dresses that are really nice for work and they fit best petite women with flat breast. They are great when it is hot: just roll up he sleeves and unbutton few buttons (up and down) ; there are great when it is cold: dark tights, buttoned to the top, long cardigan, a nice long scarf et voila: tres chic. They come in all colors and fabrics- so it will not be very difficult to find something that fits you. Shoes: sandals when it is hot and brogues when it is cold.
Good Luck love!
Eliana You pointed to the fact that this silly OW -whatever her olala name was - talked and talked a lot about monies to make us appreciate her magnanimous spirit and then just as a casual thought about her son. Spot on Eliana!
Hugs and Kisses Phee and Phee's twin!

How are the twins doing today after their evening out? Hope it's going alright

OMG Phee just checking in and wee'd myself at your response to Aloha.
Good grief I couldn't have said it better.
Women who go after married men with children .... are a lower breed of something without humanity.

Sending hugs Phee.

Do go shopping and keep the momentum going with looking after yourself - tis good for your self esteem. And those brogues in Clark's ? Are soooo comfy. I have myself a pair .

Twins really enjoyed seeing daddy. They seemed to love their new room. Sounds like he's put some effort into decorating.

Had a bit of a bad day today my mood was really low. I think it's probably because the twins enjoyed their time with him so much and I just want to scream and yell that's he's a cowardly useless bastard who walked out and left you for some cheep tart who thinks its ok to sleep with married guys. How can you be so happy to see him but I know it's because they're young and only see their beloved daddy because they don't understand.

Anyway it's not like is actually say that to them it's just how I feel right now so it made my mood really low today. My mum came over to help out a bit which was good because I needed the support to cope today.

I feel like a heartless monster saying it but I'm looking forward to having a night off tomorrow night. I literally want to get into bed and sleep just sleep and make all This heartbreak go away.

I know he's a lying cheating heartless bastard and he doesn't deserve my heart ache or love but I do miss him a lot. I miss the smell
Of his deodorant. I went in yen bathroom just now and outbid the hamper was peaking so black leggings but for a second they looked like his black pyjamas pants and I Almost thought wow this is a bad dream and he's still here then I remebered it was my leggings.

Lying in bed feeling exhausted but unable to sleep

Dear Ophelie- Oh the road to recovery is so long and thorny and unpredictable!
And all your feelings are so normal! But your thinking put you high above all of us!
I wish I can take a bit of your pain to alleviate you-
Have faith- Repeat to yourself some verses you like- some song that used to lull you to sleep when you were a child- hug the bears you bought to your kids- take the kids to bed with you- Oh dear! Big Hugs!

Ophelia,

I am actually angry on your behalf ,
I will probably get flamed for this, but I would have their little bags packed tomorrow and tell him, don't bring anything back, this is the last bag I am packing for you. Going forward he will need to have himself organised and have all their things including clothes and nappies etc, set up for them.
You are there, all upset dreading seeing him tomorrow and he'll turn up all dressed up ready to go, expecting the DC dressed and ready.
I would be so angry I would let him come in and get the DC dressed and out. He really is taking the piss. Swanning off for the day as if this makes him a good dad?
Going forward, I would also look at the weekends he is to take the DC on a Friday at 5pm, ( to fuck up his Friday nights) at the moment its all his own way.
I really don't mean to upset you, but you need to start getting tough.

Take care.

sorry to hear that, so sad for you.

Get some rest. Sending warm vibes for peace of mind.

You know what - he doesn't deserve you, Phee. He really doesn't. Such a stupid, stupid man.

Fab Phee, one day on the not too distant future you will realise this was the best thing to ever happen to you.

I know you've been with you husband since your teen years as I was but the reality is that very few of these relationships last.

Your husband is off being the jack the lad he should have been during his teens whilst you are being the grow up. You'll go on to a better adult life that is full off good things whilst your husband will forever live as someone stuck in a time warp. He won't grow up.

Oh Ophelia I feel so sad for you. There's only so much brave face you can do. Yes enjoy your time to yourself when h has the twins but don't shut yourself away. Reach out to your friends and family.

Sending you positive thoughts and lots of love xxx

I hope you managed to get some sleep last night. I know today will be really hard for you but just keep thinking about having a little rest, you absolutely deserve it.
Sending good thoughts for today.
I also echo pp about the arrangements starting to suit you rather than him.

It's just a bad day sweetie. You will have them of course and you've been so strong lately it had to happen.
I often linked my low days to total exhaustion so you are right to have a good rest.
Can u plan something fun for when they get back?
Reaffirm your relationship with them somehow?
There are lots of little things on here for the bh, Mumsnet local should have some details or (ahem) net mums
Enjoy your break.

I agree with be, it's time for him to have things at his house. They can be went in there own clothes but they should then be sent home in them.

Oh Phee, it's understandable to be so upset. No one expects you just to dust yourself in and carry on. You've lost so much in an awful way. You are right to feel betrayed, angry, sad, anxious, disappointed and you are right to still have feelings for him. We aren't all emotionally stunted monsters who can transfer turn off our feelings over night. As time goes on you will feel stronger and you will not want him anymore but for now it's about being strong and ploughing on.

The twins are young. They will be excited but eventually this will become normality for them. The other bedroom won't be novel, days with dad will be routine and, one day, they will click why there are two houses and weekend access and, well, I wouldn't fancy being disney dad at that point.

You are right to want a break, you bloody well deserve one! Is there a movie you'd fancy with pizza or a takeaway tonight followed by an early night? Don't be alone all weekend though. Get yourself some company as a distraction.

I also agree with him stepping up on clothes and supplies, the outfit they go in can be the one that H washes and returns them in the next time. You can do the same. Except for favourite teddies or comforters, he needs to step up. Not skip off of a morning with a bag you spent time preparing. Remember, if they are under the weather etc that is his responsibility too.

Good luck today Phee. Take care of yourself

Phee, it's still early days and like the others have said, you are allowed to feel like this.

My two penneth worth: Invest in some aromatherapy oils (the already blended tisserand are good and less faff) and start filling your home with a different scent.

I have an oil burner - works on tealights so because of the DT's you may want a plug in/electric one, but start re training your senses to something that brings you comfort and not a smell that triggers a painful memory.

Little tweaks, here and there will be the smallest of stitches to mend the heartbreak. Again, you have the power of MN behind you all the way.

And YY to clothes and supplies. Everyone of us here knows it's a bit of a task packing items for our little ones - second guessing weather for clothes, spillages, so many what ifs. Tell him that he needs to start stocking up and apart from their teddies/comfort items, he needs to be prepared like you are. Good idea for them to come home in what they were sent though.

Every one of us

Thank you for all your kind words of support.

H collected the twins ok this morning, I took the advice on here and said that i'd packed them an over night bag but he really needs to make sure he has clothes, nappies and everything else they need at his house in future. It was a bit of a kick in the teeth for me really he said "OW suggested the other day i have stuff at my house because she said knows how annoying it is when you send clothes of to dads house and they don't come back" why does he keep trying to her sound like a concerned friend.

I didn't really know what to say so I just said to make sure the clothes come back and next time it won't be an issue obviously if he has his own stuff.

Now i'm just sat on my bed trying to work out what to wear out shopping and not to cry.

FFS. That man really is an unreconstructed twat. Why does he keep mentioning her? Surely he knows it is a knife to your heart. I would lose my dignity at that point, I really would. I hate confrontation usually but I wouldn't be able to hold my tongue.

Phee, next time he mentions OW you do need to say, "I've got no interest in her opinions so please do not waste my time any further by mentioning them."

Oh Ophelia

Start putting everything in the email, because every response has got to have that fucking piece of shit smeared over it.

Get yourself together, go and shop and rest. Can you get a massage somewhere? Get your hair washed and blow dried? Bit of something for you.

Have you looked at your childcare options yet? You will feel miles better if you are not drained.

You can get through this, you are getting through this, and even though it seems shit, you are doing it the easy way. To fight it just makes it harder.

I'm starting to think this guy is mentally ill fgs!
Who does that? I know people half his age who would show more compassion and consideration for someone's feelings.
I'm not sure what to say really.
He is either so wrapped up in his own excitement to see that you may not be as happy for him, or he is deliberately trying to hurt you.
I really really think it's time to end this crap.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get someone to do handovers for a bit, don't allow him to do this anymore, it's holding you back from recovery.
Don't be that person anymore.

This guy just first let up does he?

Ledkr is right, get someone else to do the hand overs, it's just too painful