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Original poster

Affair Part 5 - fab phee kicks arse wearing her skinny jeans

999 replies

OpheliaRose · 19/05/2015 21:02

Many you will have read my threads 1 2 3 4

A month ago I discovered my Husband had been having an affair with a girl from his work. I thought it was one of the most painful moments of my life but the subsequent day where far more painful when the full extent of his betrayal was exposed to me and he has shown no remorse or sorrow over the loss of our marriage in fact he has left me for the OW

I have started divorce procedures on the grounds of adultery each day is proving a struggle but I am getting through it with the help of all of you.

All I want when this is over is for me and my Twins to be happy. We all deserve so much better than him

OP posts:
Dumdedumdedum · 23/05/2015 10:50

Another one agreeing with Ledkr. You know it makes sense.
I hope you manage to have a good day, and a rest. Look after yourself. FlowersFlowersFlowers

Ledkr · 23/05/2015 10:55

I'll eveb do them phee Grin I can do a death stare that would fell an army Wink

Seriously tho. I've said It before but no contact is the cure you seek with the benefit of putting a stop to his nonsense.

Cacofonix · 23/05/2015 10:58

Yes agree with Ledkr - let your mum or brother do handovers - there is no need to see him twice a week harping on with such insensitivity. Each time one of his gems pops out of his mouth you will no doubt mull it over and let it tear you up inside (I know I would).

Chipshopninja · 23/05/2015 10:59

Ffs he need to stop telling you what stationery tart thinks!!! Her opinions are of no value not when it comes to you and not when it comes to YOUR kids!

Honestly Phee I want to jump through the screen and punch him in the nose for you. What an unbelievable twat badger!!

Now...go buy yourself some stunning clothes Smile are you going to use a personal shopper? Xx

MaMaof04 · 23/05/2015 11:01

stunted emotional growth as wee said.
Good riddance.
Ok to be low and confused.
As all ladies said above: please find someone for handovers.
And collapse and cry and shout and go mad a bit and let it go OUT when the twins are gone. It is OK. If you can just climb in the car and drive on a nice path and shout and swear and whatever but at the same time take time to enjoy some music the landscape the trees the flowers the leaves wind the sky etc slowly slowly the beauty of the nature might cover their ugly behavior and the turmoil they plunge you in. Oh Dear! Hugs!

logicalfallacy101 · 23/05/2015 11:02

Phee...please take PP advice and have someone else do the dc's handovers. Ffs, can one of the male members of your family not pull him up on his inconsiderate dialogue when collecting the twins? I know my brother would in a heartbeat. Liked the term "unreconstructed twat"....in my mind he's a deconstructed twat!!! Like on "come dine with me" when the host serves up a deconstructed prawn cocktail. Out comes the basic components. That's what your getting now Phee, his basic and I mean basic twatish behaviour. Enjoy your weekend lovey.

Losingmyreligion · 23/05/2015 11:37

Oh isn't she just fucking marvelous. Stupid bitch. Anyone would think you'd begged him to leave you for her. He's such a moron.

Losingmyreligion · 23/05/2015 11:40

And how well she reads the situation. "Annoyed" is just what you're feeling right now. Seriously - has he had a lobotomy?

BalloonSlayer · 23/05/2015 12:02

He's just trying to get you to like WF, is all.

Little does he know he is on a hiding to nothing.

They are both trying desperately to prove that they are nice people. We all believe ourselves to be nice people so when someone behaves so badly they have to try extra hard to prove: "Look how LOVELY I am! Doesn't this make up for shitting all over you?"

There are plenty of figures from history who behaved dreadfully in some way but this behaviour has been somehow cancelled out by other triumphs. Oskar Schindler of Schindler's List fame was a dreadful womaniser whose wife suffered terribly but this is not remembered about him: he will be forever remembered as the one man who did the right thing when everyone around him was doing the wrong thing.

Your Ex thinks that if he is nice and considerate and proves to you that the WF is also so nice and lovely and considerate, that this will cancel out what they have done to you. If you would only accept that they are nice people [he thinks] you will be happy for them and accept the end of your marriage placidly, and stop causing trouble by making them feel guilty and telling the truth all over the place, thus stopping their friends and colleagues from breaking spontaneously into: "For he's a jolly good fellow!" every time they enter the pub, which is what he thinks he deserves. More fool him.

MerryMarigold · 23/05/2015 12:03

Phee, I know you don't feel fab right now, but you really are. Reading your most recent post made me realise how well you have dealt with this situation from the beginning. So few if your posts have been down...it's very understandable with seeing him twice in a short time. Seeing someone in real life multiplies the pain a thousandfold and triggers so much.

It's totally ok to be down, but really you have been so so SO strong so far. Much admiration and Flowers for you.

BessieBumptious · 23/05/2015 12:04

The very next time he mentions her name, or that she's suggested something, please just say "Are you a bit thick?".

Seriously, if he really is that bloody dense then you're well rid!! Twat. If he genuinely is THAT stupid, you're going to have to point a few things out to him for your own sanity. I'd be beyond angry and wouldn't be able to shut up at that point.

He has no bloody right to mention her name to you. Period.

MerryMarigold · 23/05/2015 12:05

Balloon, v insightful post.

Grin at For he's a jolly good fellow - very true. I think he wants Ophelia to join in with it too Angry.

BessieBumptious · 23/05/2015 12:06

He lost the right to make you feel shit a month ago (OK, so not that he had any RIGHT in the first place, but you know what I mean).

I'm angry on your behalf. Please don't allow him to make you feel crap because he's proving to be a bit of a low life and you really don't deserve that.

laurierf · 23/05/2015 12:09

no contact is the cure you seek with the benefit of putting a stop to his nonsense

I totally agree. From the other perspective, after my LTR (started at the same age as you, went on very nearly as long), we tried to be friends (there was no cheating and no children) but when this proved to be too painful my ex then kindly, non-agressively (because I hadn't cheated on him) went NC with me so that he could heal and move on. That hurt me like hell, and for a long time, even though it was totally my decision to split. He took control of his life and emotions by going NC… and as a consequence he healed and moved on better than I did. I know it's harder with the twins, but if you can go as NC as possible (others doing changeover, communication via email and only about the children), then I agree with ledkr that it's what you need to do.

Vivacia · 23/05/2015 12:14

why does he keep trying to her sound like a concerned friend.

I agree with others, say something clear like, "I am not interested in what that woman thinks, so stop trying to bring her in to our conversations about our children".

HootyMcTooty · 23/05/2015 12:23

I agree that you need to tell him you have no interest in anything she has to say.

W0ndering · 23/05/2015 12:47

Hi Phee. I have followed your threads from the beginning and think you are doing so well with the shit that has been thrown at you and turned your life in to turmoil. Your messages come across as strong and it's because of this I know you will be just fine- but as with anything it will take time.

For what it's worth : I agree with all previous posters that say- when he mentions FW just respond you have no interest in her opinions and you need only to discuss your children and nothing else with him (twat).

I hope today goes well for you and you get the rest tonight that you seek

Rosieliveson · 23/05/2015 12:56

He really is missing a piece isn't he? Why doesn't he have the sense not to bring up the woman he had an affair with to the woman he had the affair on? He's mental!
I agree with a swift "I'm not interested in what she thinks. Don't you have an opinion on our children?" It's like he is a child spouting the views of others to save him having to have any of his own!

winkywinkola · 23/05/2015 13:10

Aw. WF showing some thought and consideration about the inconvenience of others? That'd be a first. I really really really hope they both get bitten on this arse by all this so badly.

bjrce · 23/05/2015 13:19

Hi Phee,

No, he won't let up, he will continue to mention her at every opportunity, he knows full well what he's doing.
Do yourself a favour, agree with other PP, get one of your family members to be involved in the pick up/drop off.
At least until you are really ready to not allow his bullshit to hurt you. It does seem everything he says to you right now is very upsetting. Be kind to yourself.

bjrce · 23/05/2015 13:23

Good post Laurierf!

BalloonSlayer · 23/05/2015 13:45

Yeah it would be tempting to say "Well what's really annoying is having to be without my children every other weekend because some slag sucked my husband's cock in the stationery cupboard, and as she'd clearly had so much practice she was good enough at it for him to leave his wife and children. Now that's what I call annoying. "

AndyWarholsOrange · 23/05/2015 15:45

Great posts by laurierf and BalloonSlayer What the fuck is wrong with this 'man?'. I completely agree with going for as little contact as possible. It's really noticeable for us reading how much seeing him upsets you. He's hurt you so badly and then comes by to rub salt in the wound. What a total bastard.
I'm as certain as I can be that I would never have an affair but, if I did, I know that I wouldn't be able to look DH in the eye, I'd feel so ashamed and guilty. I certainly wouldn't be passing on tips from my brilliant new boyfriend, that's sadistic.
You've had a setback, it's all part of the road to healing but you're still fab Phee and you still have your army of loyal followers.
Hope you're enjoying your day xx

Wristy · 23/05/2015 15:47

Phee, he's a cruel fuck isn't he.

Who in their right mind would think it's ok to share shag piece's wisdom with the wife they screwed over together.

Argh!!! I just want to kick him in the balls, one kick for every time he's brought her up in conversations like that!!

I'm sorry he's got to you and you're feeling low today, try and be kind to yourself tonight. Xx

JohnFarleysRuskin · 23/05/2015 17:44

I do think he's got to stop this twattery. Next time he does it, if you can bring yourself to, just laugh and say as lightly as you can: I'm not interested...
If he insists just add- you want me to take parenting advice from the woman who sucked you off in the stationary cupboard? er no, that's not happening.