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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Affair Part 5 - fab phee kicks arse wearing her skinny jeans

999 replies

OpheliaRose · 19/05/2015 21:02

Many you will have read my threads 1 2 3 4

A month ago I discovered my Husband had been having an affair with a girl from his work. I thought it was one of the most painful moments of my life but the subsequent day where far more painful when the full extent of his betrayal was exposed to me and he has shown no remorse or sorrow over the loss of our marriage in fact he has left me for the OW

I have started divorce procedures on the grounds of adultery each day is proving a struggle but I am getting through it with the help of all of you.

All I want when this is over is for me and my Twins to be happy. We all deserve so much better than him

OP posts:
FriendofBill · 21/05/2015 22:09

Indeed London- shop front looks good but what's in the store room?

FriendofBill · 21/05/2015 22:13

You otoh Ophelia, have that unpretending character. Congruent.

People are in therapy years trying to get this stuff. You were born with it Ophelia. It is most precious. Never let anyone convince you that the shallow exterior is a patch on that genuineness.

Anyway. You can have that too. That's the easy bit.

HexBramble · 21/05/2015 22:51

Dignity and grace, Phee. That's you by the bucket load.

He, on the other hand, is an ugly fucker on the inside.

How much do I adore you right now??! You're amazing.
KOKO.

Wristy · 21/05/2015 22:59

He probably just looked 'rested', you know because he absolved himself of any responsibilities (parental or spousal) when he walk out on you all. And like everyone else has said he's an ugly fucker on the inside. Xx

ninawish · 22/05/2015 02:18

He's just so so vile on the inside.

And yes you'd be looking rested if you'd resolved yourself of parental responsibility and walked on into a new life.

Just wait until you are working, get your confidence, happy, together, being a great mum - you will look at him and be well rid and see his ugly nasty inside shine through.

Grrrrr I get so ragey - the car seat thing! Really! Has he no thought for your feelings. Scumbag

MaMaof04 · 22/05/2015 06:04

Good Morning!
I agree with the ladies above he just looked rested.
Another thing: to imagine a bit of your pain, I just I think about how we all- or at least most of us- felt when our first big love just moved on after we split, but your suffering is of course magnified by the number of years you were together by the twins and by all the future you were planning together until WF appeared. We felt that the earth opened under our feet and that life was not worth living. Of course your love for him is much deeper than a teenage love and you also have young kids together.
Oy the pain!

You are full of grace and dignity and love. This will remain with you forever.
You are amazing!
Have faith Fab Phee

Dumdedumdedum · 22/05/2015 07:07

"Handsome is as handsome does", as my Grandma used to tell me. (Actually, I still have nor real idea what that means, but it seems appropriate for your H, Phee!) Your STBEH may well look good on the outside but as other's have said , his ugly insides are visible for those in the know to see.
FlowersFlowersFlowersFlowersFlowersFlowers for Fab Phee kicking arse in skinny jeans!

Original poster
OpheliaRose · 22/05/2015 07:13

Morning everyone

Thanks for the support. I guess he may have made himself look good but i expect others are right he just looks rested as he's not looking after twins all day alone ...

I'm not happy about the car seat thing. Of course he needs a car seat just annoys me it's from the OW why couldn't he just go get his own. Petty I know

OP posts:
Rosieliveson · 22/05/2015 07:23

It's not petty. Just another example of his thoughtlessness for you to contend with.
As for how good he looks, I agree with the others, it's looking rested rather than happy. Besides, I'm sure he goes away thinking how well you look too.
Hope you have a good day today Flowers

winkywinkola · 22/05/2015 07:28

The car seat thing would piss me off too. I wouldn't want my dc's sitting on her rancid seats or anything of hers.

Dumdedumdedum · 22/05/2015 07:29

*others, not other's!

Onmyownwith4kids · 22/05/2015 07:30

When you've invested years into a relationship, had kids, built a family, a home, shared memories and plans for the future the foundations should be so deep that the offer of seedy goings on in the stationary cupboard from some tart at work or two people deciding they are star crossed lovers on a train should not threaten it. Two years on I'm still astonished my ex husband could leave 4 kids and 15 years and a happy marriage for someone he met at work. One of his justifications was he didn't have to think about babysitters etc with her. These people are shallow. Ophelia, I so relate to what you're going through. I was subjected to Facebook postings of the happy couple. Including "tasteful" semi naked shots. My mother in law sided with her son and said things to my daughter like, "ow will be a lovely new mummy to you. She's good with hair and make up and much younger and more fun than your mum." It is so hurtful that so many people go along with the hideous behaviour. The thing I hated most was the treating the kids as a lifestyle accessory and Facebook prop for him to look like father of the year. Sorry this is so long but I just wanted to say I've been through what you're going through now. I was paranoid the kids would transfer their loyalties. They haven't. I've never said a word against their dad but they see through it themselves. My oldest said to me last night, "love isn't what you say it's what you do," my youngest was a similar age to your twins. He is happy, secure and utterly loyal to me. I'm the one that's been here for him. Children aren't stupid. Your ex may now be looking happy, pleased with himself but if he's anything like mine he'll wonder one day why he threw his life away. Mine asks if I'll take him back every time I see him. Meanwhile the Facebook joyful happy posts continue.It's clear from your posts that you're an amazing person. Your ex might look good when you see him but I bet there's some impression management and wondering what he's thrown away going on x

FriendofBill · 22/05/2015 07:31

He is so inconsiderate and selfish (and even spiteful) that you really cannot afford to get into conversation with him.

How fucking dare he declare they are her old car seats. Like you want your precious children in her scummy things. Vile man.

Keep all dialogue necessary/business like to protect yourself.

Dumdedumdedum · 22/05/2015 07:31

How come WF has two car seats the same size anyway? Puzzled.

FriendofBill · 22/05/2015 07:32

Prob for all her boyfriends cars, and her exes girlfriends. I'm guessing they have around 25. Grrrrr

Original poster
OpheliaRose · 22/05/2015 07:43

h said her and her ex both had a car seat but their kid is too old for them. I imagine she's been hanging on to them in case she has more children ConfusedHmm

I'm guilty of a similar thing as I've keep a lot of DTs things from when they were babies in case we had more children Sad

OP posts:
Chipshopninja · 22/05/2015 07:51

How were things when he dropped the twins off Phee darlin? X

McFarts · 22/05/2015 08:12

Are these high back boosters or five point harness car seats? if the latter then are the very least the fitting on them will need checking. Not all car seats are suitable for all cars (I know you know this) I know you to him the may make him think you're being petty, but its not you're just looking out for their best interests. xx

Vivacia · 22/05/2015 08:17

What's happening with divorce Phee? Is there any movement towards a more formal financial and access arrangement? (I don't mean "access" do I, what's the right word?).

Joysmum · 22/05/2015 08:27

Hope the drop off went Ok for you Flowers

LoisEinhorn · 22/05/2015 08:43

Car seats expire. Usually about 6 years from the manufacturers date (not purchase date) so if you need a reason (other than they came from skanky wf) to get them replaced that's it.

Mama1980 · 22/05/2015 08:46

Thinking of you phee.

MerryMarigold · 22/05/2015 08:46

Looking good on the outside and being good on the inside are v different. You can pretty much tell after a brief chat with poor someone is.

MerryMarigold · 22/05/2015 08:46

Not ' with poor', 'which one'

ELIANASGRANNY · 22/05/2015 10:41

A friend gave me a seat for my granddaughter to use in my car when she visits. It looks brand new, but is actually a few years old. My son and daughter-in-law refused point blank to allow her to use it, because of the safety aspect. My DIL's parents live in Spain, and were given a seat by their local authority when she was born. It is re-placed every six months, again for safety reasons apparently. So if you decide to object, you're not being petty darling, just a lot more realistic than their love sick father.

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