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Original poster

Affair Part 5 - fab phee kicks arse wearing her skinny jeans

999 replies

OpheliaRose · 19/05/2015 21:02

Many you will have read my threads 1 2 3 4

A month ago I discovered my Husband had been having an affair with a girl from his work. I thought it was one of the most painful moments of my life but the subsequent day where far more painful when the full extent of his betrayal was exposed to me and he has shown no remorse or sorrow over the loss of our marriage in fact he has left me for the OW

I have started divorce procedures on the grounds of adultery each day is proving a struggle but I am getting through it with the help of all of you.

All I want when this is over is for me and my Twins to be happy. We all deserve so much better than him

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 07/06/2015 22:22

Actually, I would be saying absolutely not to dropping that weekend...fucking cheek! He can rearrange his weekend when he's not got the twins. Please please don't start letting him rearrange contact to suit his bloody social life because you will be on a slippery slope with that one my love...no absolutely bloody not.

Please don't look at that account, remove it if you can. Nothing good comes of "finding things out". If he didn't want you to see all that shit, he would have changed the password or deleted it or whatever. He's a total cunt, sorry, I hate that word, but there is no other dealing with a pair of nutjobs like him and her...and I know this because I still am...after nearly two years. Frankly she's a shit mother, putting her son in that position..."my" OW moved my husband into her home 5 months after her husband was killed with her little boy who according to her "deals with the trauma of losing his father every day"....imagine the trauma of a new "dad" within the space of five minutes. Some women are more concerned with their vagina's than their offspring. Vile.

I am also curious as to the Godfather's response to the new happy family emails...I would be speaking to him. He has taken the job of safeguarding your child, I sincerely hope he is doing so Flowers

SuchSweetSorrow · 07/06/2015 22:25

I agree about the 'good PR' comment regarding the emails.

What a deluded fucker he really is. Honestly, if I was his friend I'd consider him to be an utterly shameless, classless coward. The way he is flaunting OW is just unbelievable.

I hope you have a good night's sleep Flowers

BalloonSlayer · 07/06/2015 22:28

I was reading an article today about sex addicts (not that I think your H is one Phee) and it had an expert quoted who said that people who are sex addicts often end up with their lives in a mess because of their poor decision making. He said "we make our worst choices when we are randy" and that made me think of your H.

He got horny, he made a disastrous choice, and is continuing to do so.

How interesting < twirls Poirot moustache > that he is dropping one of his contact weekends to take OW away for her birthday. I wonder whose idea it was for it to be that particular weekend.

Was it:

a) the only weekend they were free or could book where they wanted to go? unlikely
b) the weekend she insisted on going away, thus deliberately ensuring he doesn't get to see his children? what a cow, but we knew that anyway
c) the weekend he wanted to go, not caring that it is his contact weekend? Will play into your hands if he tries to complain in future that he doesn't see them enough.
d) he suggested that weekend, then remembered that it was his contact weekend, dithered but funnily enough, Miss SoConsiderateAndThoughtfulToAllHumankind didn't think to encourage him to keep up contact with his children? One to remind him of when he tries to tell you OW wants the best for all of you.
e) a pathetic attempt at "love me love my dog" (I'm saying nothing) - ie he wanted the twins to come away with him and OW that weekend and if you won't allow that he won't see them at all so ner. He still doesn't get that this is fine with you.

bjrce · 07/06/2015 22:29

I hate to have to say this to you Phee, but he is actually saying those things just to hurt you.
He really let you down big time, I know he came back early, but if he does this again, I would actually not answer the door until his expected arrival time, or if you can manage not to be in the house around the time, so he can't meet you.
He is quite cunning. He never misses the opportunity to hurt you, he is some piece of work.
Its the way he always seems to catch you unawares and comes up with something new. Next time he goes on about his little holiday tell him, you can hang onto them,
"sure they're well used to you not being around now anyway, they'll have to expect that a lot in the future!"

He's an asshole, thing is , he's somebody else's asshole now!

BalloonSlayer · 07/06/2015 22:37

As others have said I'd second emailing him to say

With reference to our discussion today about your plans to go away with OW on your contact weekend of xxx, I confirm that I will keep the children with me that weekend. As stressed at mediation, it is important to keep disruption in the twins' life at an absolute minimum, and I feel that going away to stay with your parents instead of you would only increase their confusion at present.

Your scheduled contact with your children is for their benefit, not yours, because it is important that they maintain a relationship with you now that you have left their home. In future I would request that you plan your weekends away for the weekends you do are not scheduled to have the children.

Jackw · 07/06/2015 22:39

Yes, he deliberately turned up half an hour early so he could tell you something which he knew would cause you pain under the guise of discussing arrangements. That's revenge for you not acquiescing to everything he wants.

Yes, he could have fitted his plans around the children which tells you everything you need to know about where they come in his list of priorities and totally vindicates you for standing up for them.

Yes, he's making an extra special effort with OW in order to maintain the image of the big romance, because there is no way he can let anyone including himself and her think that he's caused all this devastation for a novelty shag.

Who sends good friends loads of photos in emails gushing about how wonderful everything is? That's what people do on Facebook, not in emails to their friends. You do all that in person, not via email. There's a reason he's doing the full on PR job and that may well be because the friend hasn't been convinced so far.

clam · 07/06/2015 22:44

What, so he's dropping the twins so he can take WankFodder away for a shag-fest, but trying to make it look as though he's being considerate to you by offering you first refusal on looking after them?

Isn't he just a peach?

clam · 07/06/2015 22:50

I think I'd be saying to him that you don't expect him to pick and choose when he looks after his children - it's his weekend to have them, and he should therefore rearrange the trip. If he whinges "Oh, but it's WankFodders birthday," you say "and you think I give a flying fuck about that? My only concern is our children and I don't expect you to abandon them even more than you have already for the sake of a dirty weekend away."

I am SO ANGRY on your behalf!

TurnipCake · 07/06/2015 22:51

Yes, turning up early on purpose for another one of these, "Oh by the way..." sessions is absolutely deplorable.

He doesn't want to take the hint re: your dad or brother being at handover, it's all being done deliberately to hurt you as punishment for the mediation.

Given what he's put you through already, I'm amazed he has the temerity. What an absolute wanker. WF has got exactly what she deserves.

winkywinkola · 07/06/2015 22:51

It's pathetic that he's arranged to go away on a weekend he's supposed to have his children. Shows where his priorities lie.

It is a total PR job his emailing the dts' godfather with loads of blissful images. Not one person can think what he has done is a good thing. He knows that. He's pulling the importance of true love card. It's bollocks.

I just don't know why he feels the need to hurt you more. Hasn't he hurt you enough? Why punish you more? It's creepy. He sounds like a creep of a man. Not any kind of catch.

TheFormidableMrsC · 07/06/2015 23:03

Phee, you're being given good advice here...listen to it my darling. The previous 7 posts all say pretty much the same thing. He is indeed taking his revenge out on you by being all reasonable but sticking the knife in by stealth. I have had the same, in spades. He will do everything he can to make you seem like the vengeful bitter ex-wife. Don't let him. However, I would be ensuring he sticks to contact arrangements as your children will be suffering enough and have a long way to go yet. They think that the children will be OK, that is a huge assumption. My 4 yo is horrendously damaged and is also autistic to add to the mix...they don't want to see that because it doesn't suit the image of the "thwarted soulmates" and their lovely life. Ensure he sticks to his commitments with the children...the needs of his cock do not come first. As clam said...what a peach..

Ledkr · 07/06/2015 23:04

He defo came early to foil your attempts at not listening to his heartless bragging, what a prize prick. Do not let him do that again.
I'm furious.

Just for solidarity I'll tell you this.
My eh was nowhere to be seen in our sons 17th birthday. Id scrimped and saved to buy him a moped.
He was so upset that his dad didn't come and I couldn't get hold of him all day.
Eventually I called his sister who infurned me that he had taken ow on a big holiday for her birthday Sad
I honestly cannot tell you how angry I was or how bloody happy I am now that he left!!

Original poster
OpheliaRose · 07/06/2015 23:05

Winky I can't decide if he is trying to hurt me or is just plain crazy.

I've just had enough. I thought to myself I should just get the house, sell it and move away. Although I can't do that to the twins Sad

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 07/06/2015 23:07

Shame you're not still on FB Phee - I can think of a great status

"Who had 6 days in the "How Long Will the Devoted Father Act Last?" Sweepstake? Monday he's talking about 50/50 and today he can't have them on xxx because he's taking OW away for her birthday! Aww! And to think I thought it'd be at least three months before he let them down. Will I ever learn?!"

FriendofBill · 07/06/2015 23:09

Evening All,
Just to chime in with my opinion, let him miss his weekend then. That will be a month no overnights.
Record it, as has been said, all through email.
You are being fair.
OW birthday is not an acceptable reason for missing contact. My parents will have them?
Er. That's not the arrangement.

Please find alternative childcare so you are not reliant on this piece of shit person.
Then when he lets you down agai n you have a plan B so you will get a rest.

You have truly had a lucky escape. This guy is totally inadequate.

TheFormidableMrsC · 07/06/2015 23:09

Balloon. Nail. Head. Hit.

clam · 07/06/2015 23:11

Just re-read that in mediation he mentioned having "followed his heart." I nearly choked. How did you stop yourself from pointing out it wasn't his heart he was following unless he keeps it in his trousers?

clam · 07/06/2015 23:16

Yes, what Bill says - he doesn't reckon he's getting the preceding/following weekend in lieu, does he?

Original poster
OpheliaRose · 07/06/2015 23:18

clam I think he said that just to twist the knife a bit. I do think he believes he's in love with her. Something still doesn't sit right with me about it all, I know i've seen the evidence to show that nothing started between them till after Christmas but still I think he had feelings for her long before that. I'm starting to think they started when he was in his old job and they worked together daily. Why else would he miss her so much, which is something he told me.

I know thinking about it and trying to re analyse it all won't do me any good

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 07/06/2015 23:26

Phee, take it from me, the over-analysing actually screws your brain. I have been the regular uber-detective..have found things out that my husband isn't even aware that I know. It's not done me any good, it's just made me feel more shit to be honest. The issue is that he "left" the marriage long before he decided to impart that information to you, therefore, he can't understand why you are struggling with this, why can't you just be happy for him? Why can't you just go along with everything he says dictates because it suits him? You're gradually wising up...go with it x

TinTinsSexySister · 07/06/2015 23:36

What a piece of work he is. Unbelievable.

Try and get this latest request recorded in an email, because it's going to go down ever so well in court if he ever bothers to actually go for 50/50. Oh, yes.

Personally, I don't think he will go for 50/50 custody. It's posturing at the moment to make him look like the good guy to all and perhaps to WF too. He won't ever actually do it. It's all about the image he wants to project.

Dickwad.

PurpleSwift · 07/06/2015 23:37

If they worked together so long could something have happened maybe years ago?

bjrce · 07/06/2015 23:53

Really Phee, if you keep thinking about it, it will drive you crazy.

The thing is, perhaps he always had a crush on her, alwyas fancied her, always felt if only he had the chance and then when the chance presented itself he jumped for it, its the only thing that makes any sense to me.

HootyMcTooty · 08/06/2015 00:02

Balloon is spot on. He is trying to hurt you Phee, protect yourself.

sleeponeday · 08/06/2015 01:06

Henry VIII had feelings for Anne Boleyn for seven years. And then he, um, didn't. It was three years after first shagging her that he had her head lopped off. Less than half the time he spent chasing. Madly in love doesn't actually mean a thing in the long run. It's a hormonal storm, not a grounding for anything more - which may or may not come with time.

Sexual chemistry makes people delude themselves in a myriad of ways. Especially when very young children in the home mean the wife is too busy to pander to egos. The reality of life is that it is not rainbows and sunbeams forever, and at some stage cold reality - bills, housework, three kids between them, who may well not get along - will bite. With any luck, by then you'll have moved on and be with someone less entitled, less selfish... and less cruel. So you won't care what he does.

Ask that handovers occur at your parents' home in future. He is using those times to skewer you, for not just falling in with his plans. There is no way he can't know how upsetting what he is saying is. None.