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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Affair Part 5 - fab phee kicks arse wearing her skinny jeans

999 replies

OpheliaRose · 19/05/2015 21:02

Many you will have read my threads 1 2 3 4

A month ago I discovered my Husband had been having an affair with a girl from his work. I thought it was one of the most painful moments of my life but the subsequent day where far more painful when the full extent of his betrayal was exposed to me and he has shown no remorse or sorrow over the loss of our marriage in fact he has left me for the OW

I have started divorce procedures on the grounds of adultery each day is proving a struggle but I am getting through it with the help of all of you.

All I want when this is over is for me and my Twins to be happy. We all deserve so much better than him

OP posts:

Rosieliveson · 06/06/2015 14:00

Hope handover has gone well and that you have some plans to help recharge your batteries this weekend. Keep on keeping on Phee

Chipshopninja · 07/06/2015 12:22

Have you had a good weekend Phee?
Bet you're looking forward to getting your beautiful twins back xx

Original poster

OpheliaRose · 07/06/2015 13:02

Hi all thank you for your support.

Hand over was done my dad came and did it while I hide upstairs I wasn't ready to face H this time especially not after mediation ea

OP posts:

HoggleHoggle · 07/06/2015 13:07

I'm not surprised you didn't want to see him. It's less a case of 'hiding' and more a case of self preservation. He goes out of his way to hurt you for some bloody reason and that needs to stop.

Hope your dd is feeling better and you've managed to get some rest this weekend.

Original poster

OpheliaRose · 07/06/2015 13:07

Hmmmm posted too soon!

I meant to say especially after mediation earlier in the week.

He tile my dad he was taking them shopping For new things for their new room at his place as he will now "be staying longer than planned"

I went to my friends party and actually had a very good time. I met some new people and saw some old friends. Pretty much everyone knew what had happened so I felt a bit like people were staring with pity looks occasionally but it was ok after a while. One girl who i don't really know got a bit drunk and came over to talk to me then she ended up telling me how she'd cried when our mutual friend had told her what had happened and then gave me this massive hug. It was very weird but sort of comforting at the same time.

I didn't stay too late but I didn't leave after an hour.

Just having some lunch and waiting for the twins to get home now. I miss them so much when they are gone

OP posts:

HoggleHoggle · 07/06/2015 13:14

Glad you had an ok time at the party, another hurdle overcome. And it shows you how the world generally thinks your H is a prick.

Not long now until twin-hug-time

BalloonSlayer · 07/06/2015 13:20

taking them shopping For new things for their new room at his place as he will now "be staying longer than planned"

hahahahahahahahaaaaaa!

See what you did there Phee? YOU scuppered HIS plans!

Chipshopninja · 07/06/2015 13:21

So glad you went out Phee and managed to enjoy yourself a bit

laurierf · 07/06/2015 13:26

So glad you had a good time Phee. I think I have been that bit drunk girl at the party with a friend of a friend Meant it very sincerely, though, as I'm sure she did last night… and actually we've become fairly good friends in the years since!

Original poster

OpheliaRose · 07/06/2015 13:35

When I heard him saying to dad about "staying longer plan planned" I felt a small victory but I thought it would make me feel better than I did.

OP posts:

HoggleHoggle · 07/06/2015 13:44

It was a snidey comment IMO. I don't know why he can't have some humility. He could have just said he was taking then shopping to get stuff for their room and left it at that.

Sorry not helpful I know, but I just can't believe his attitude. And no wonder it didn't make you feel fantastic, none of this is what you wanted! But you have done 100% the right thing in it all.

TheFormidableMrsC · 07/06/2015 14:16

He really has a brass neck saying that to your father. The man has no shame whatsoever! Good, glad his plans have been "delayed". He might wake up one day and realise what the hell he has done. I do hope your Dad gave him a withering look of contempt. Urgh, it makes me feel sick.

TurnipCake · 07/06/2015 14:19

Well done for going to the party, Phee. See how so many people are on your side?

Longer than planned, fuck him and his longer than planned, the plank.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 07/06/2015 14:37

"Longer than planned", yes must be jolly inconvenient when other interested parties don't jump to fall in with a timetable. Knob.

Glad you went to the party!

bjrce · 07/06/2015 14:57

He never misses an opportunity, could you imagine what he would have said to you.

If you can, avoid him at the handover, he's probably pissed off with you right now and will want to make you feel like shit.

Don't indulge him with his crap talk about his wonderful time with the DC, for now keep well away from him.

Great to hear you had a good night last night, the poor girl she probably meant well, but didn't handle it very well. There's always one.
At least you got that night out of the way, going forward it won't have to be so daunting!

Phoenix0x0 · 07/06/2015 15:24

"Be staying longer than planned"

regardless of this.....what was he expecting? Of course he would have to buy bedding/furniture/clothes for the DT, regardless if he would stay for a few months or a year!

I agree....don't do any handovers....communicate via email/text/SHL only.

Glad you went to the party!

Rosieliveson · 07/06/2015 17:12

At least his indication of longer than planned implies that he will be sticking to the agreement made in mediation. A victory, if a small one!
Well done for going out, I'm glad you had a better time than you thought. That's one more step Phee

Smooshface · 07/06/2015 17:39

'And my daughter had planned on you being faithful and true, plans change. Now scram before I give you a hiding'
In my head, with like Clint Eastwood as my dad obviously

MerryMarigold · 07/06/2015 19:24

Yep, snidey comment which he had wanted to say to you. What could he possibly be buying for the few months extra time?...Maybe a big poster of One Direction for dd as she's obviously going to be a teen by the time he moves out .

Original poster

OpheliaRose · 07/06/2015 21:19

I think he's now just playing the martyr

He turned up at 5 instead of 5:30 to drop the twins back. I think he did it on purpose as my Dad wasn't there yet.

He asked me if I had decided on the house yet and said he has asked his solicitor to start the processes involved in sorting the rest of the finances. I told him I didn't want to discuss it there and then but would happily talk to my solicitor once his had sent through their "offer" (not sure what i should call it!?)

He's taking the OW away for her birthday apparently he said he wanted to give me first refusal on having the twins as it falls on one of his weekends so would be asking his parents to have them if I didn't want to.

I know i shouldn't torture myself but i tried to see if i could still see into his email. I can so i found the holiday details and it hurt so so much. Its not that he never took me anywhere or didn't make my birthdays special but he never took me away abroad for my birthday

I looked in his sent items and saw emails he's sent his best friend, who was also a very close friend of mine. He is god father to one of the twins i only skimmed it but it was basically full of how happy he is and the OW. He sent him some pictures of him and the twins enjoying a day out. They look so happy it was just horrible. He also sent some pictures of him and the OW having fun and even a selfie of him, OW and her son having a day out at a water park.

I know its my own fault for looking but I just couldn't stop myself i just had to see if it was a shitty weekend ina B&B via group on or if he'd actually put effort in. I think despite all the thoughts thinking he's throwing himself into it all because he has to prove to himself it was worth the sacrifice of the last 10 years of our lives / our marriage ... he really is in love with her

I'm not doing the pick me dance but I think deep down i still want him to be regretting it and missing me. I just can't get past the pain

OP posts:

Rosieliveson · 07/06/2015 21:30

Oh Phee, how awful for you to see that crap. Try not to dwell. Maybe he loves her, maybe that will fade when it's not all shiny and new, maybe it won't. Maybe you will find new love and these feelings will be in the past. What you can be sure of is that his emails are plain old PR. He is doing his best to show others how 'worth it' it was. This shows that he knows that people are judging him and wants to swing favour. Trying to show people that he hasn't abandoned his children etc.
Thinking of you often Phee

HootyMcTooty · 07/06/2015 21:48

He's making the extra effort because it's new and exciting, but also because he's as desperate as she is to cling on to their relationship, to try to prove to everyone that he didn't fuck everything up for a cheap shag.

I can understand why you'd look at his email, but try not to, no good will come of it.

As for his friend, has he contacted you at all since this happened? If he hasn't, he's shown you his true colours, don't mourn the loss of someone so heartless.

SignoraStronza · 07/06/2015 22:08

Oh Phee. What a complete arsehole. The fact that he's willing to drop the twins for a weekend away with WF speaks volumes about his real priorities, doesn't it?! Get it confirmed via email for future reference though. Can't see why it couldn't be the weekend before/after her actual birthday instead, rather than missing his contact time.
'Twatface'
'As per our earlier discussion, please could you confirm your contact schedule over the forthcoming x months, in order that we can organise or calendars.'

Lilacflower · 07/06/2015 22:15

He's really sticking the knife in now. Probably as revenge for you interfering with his plans to move in with WF and introduce her to DTs so soon (which was the right thing to do) Try and remember that's who he is when you're missing him.

SignoraStronza · 07/06/2015 22:16

If he's going to piss around with his contact weekends, it won't be looked upon favorably by the courts, so keep a diary and make sure not to make any verbal arrangements or amendments.
It would be interesting to know what your Dcs godfather thinks of his behaviour. I expect he probably thinks he's being a shameless, despicable cunt. Do you know if he deigned to reply? Probably best not to pick at that particular scab, but I can understand not being able to resist.

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