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Original poster

Affair Part 5 - fab phee kicks arse wearing her skinny jeans

999 replies

OpheliaRose · 19/05/2015 21:02

Many you will have read my threads 1 2 3 4

A month ago I discovered my Husband had been having an affair with a girl from his work. I thought it was one of the most painful moments of my life but the subsequent day where far more painful when the full extent of his betrayal was exposed to me and he has shown no remorse or sorrow over the loss of our marriage in fact he has left me for the OW

I have started divorce procedures on the grounds of adultery each day is proving a struggle but I am getting through it with the help of all of you.

All I want when this is over is for me and my Twins to be happy. We all deserve so much better than him

OP posts:
HexBramble · 05/06/2015 06:10

Poor little mite.
Is she responding to the Anti biotics? Would she drink a yoghurty probiotic? I always find a dose of AB's unsettles my DD's tummy without a probiotic.

Ledkr · 05/06/2015 08:53

Oh what a good idea the hobbits bar would be phee
I've had a quick nose and wish Id had it when it was my turn!!
Sorry dd is poorly but remember when I said to u that each of these chalked he's should be viewed as another thing you have coped with on your own and the workd is still turning.
Be a proud feisty single parent not a victim.
You have not left your children like him.
YOU ARE FABULOUS.

Ledkr · 05/06/2015 08:54

Challenges not chalked Hmm

Original poster
OpheliaRose · 05/06/2015 14:32

Got a better nights sleep yesterday in the end so feel a bit less desperate.

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed right now with it all but will have time to think while DTs are with H tomorrow and Sunday.

OP posts:
Joysmum · 05/06/2015 15:00

You've had a shit shower hit you at a million miles an hour so it's no wonder you're feeling overwhelmed.

If you can afford a SHL then let them deal with it and take some of the weight off your shoulders. Flowers

Oh, and as much as everyone is being wonderful in pointing out how strong you are, that doesn't mean that strong people don't struggle too so just be you and be honest on here or in a private diary as a release to help you through Flowers

laurierf · 05/06/2015 15:41

Glad you got a better night Phee. Have you got anything planned for the weekend?

bjrce · 05/06/2015 15:54

You got through a really tough week, time time to give yourself a breather!.

Time to focus on yourself for a change, go for a swim, meet a friend, go for a massage or just go for a walk.

After all you've had to deal with this week, would it be an idea to get someone else to manage the handovers?

Rosieliveson · 05/06/2015 16:16

Glad you're feeling better. I second the point that being strong doesn't mean that you any break down. Sometimes a good cry and wail can be just the ticket!

Original poster
OpheliaRose · 05/06/2015 16:21

I've been invited over to a birthday party but not sure if I want to go. It will the first year going with out H. I know it would do me good to see friends and re connect so I really should go but I don't think I'll drink or stay very late.

OP posts:
MaMaof04 · 05/06/2015 16:30

Just go to the Birthday party!
Just leave when you feel you can't take it anymore-
Take time to get dressed nicely - take time to buy a gift that will make your friend happy (IMO when you think about what will make some friend happy- you feel a bit happy as well).
Who is handing the twins?
Have a nice week end!

HexBramble · 05/06/2015 16:31

Phee, go to the party, if only for an hour. Do your hair, get those skinny jeans on and go out.

laurierf · 05/06/2015 16:45

What things do you find relaxing and enjoyable that you don't get to do often as you have the children? Do you enjoy exercise [endorphins are great], or maybe yoga, or going for a scenic walk or doing something arty? The party sounds good because, you're right, it will be good to reconnect, even if you just go for an hour - you could tell your friend that you're only going to go for an hour and that way there's no pressure on you, and you can always stay longer if you're having a nice time, but there'll be no one trying to persuade you to stay if you've had enough. But I think it might be good for you to spend some quiet time over the weekend too, as well as the party, doing something that's good for body and mind… I'm lazy so would probably go for the massage! Wink

Rosieliveson · 05/06/2015 16:47

I think I would force myself to go to the party. A friendly face really can be a tonic sometimes. Also, then you've done it, you've been out without DH and overcome one more obstacle.

FriendofBill · 05/06/2015 16:49

May as well go along. See what's happening!

You might enjoy yourself. Go and help others enjoy themselves.

You have been strong and true.
It takes strength not to retaliate to what has happened.

To keep putting your DC first.

You are amazing. This is why they call you fab Phee.

Ledkr · 05/06/2015 16:53

Paint the bedroom and string up those fairy lights phee

Weebirdie · 05/06/2015 16:53

Go to the party Phee.

People will be glad to see you, and you'll end up having a great time.

And dont even say you wont have a drink or go home early. See how you feel once you got there and take money to get a taxi home just in case you have a drink.

Honestly love, if you go to a party telling yourself you wont stay long you're putting a damper on it for yourself before you even begin.

xxxxxxx

laurierf · 05/06/2015 17:17

Yes, for me, the telling someone I'm only going for x amount of time if I'm feeling wobbly helps because I don't like there being a fuss if I do want to leave early and have people (nicely) try to cajole me into staying… that said I pretty much always end up having a few drinks and staying much longer because I'm enjoying myself… so do what feels most comfortable for you… but do take taxi money. Smile

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 05/06/2015 17:19

Absolutely your choice whether you stick to soft drinks and how long you stay out for. It might feel strange initially but worth dipping your toe in the water if just for a change of scene.

bjrce · 05/06/2015 17:52

Absolutely go to the party and look fabulous!

Doing something different can be a real tonic. Just to meet up and chat with friends will do you the world of good. People can be very kind.

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 05/06/2015 22:24

Ophelia , yes he will be off playing happy families with OW & her son - but your precious DTs will not be exposed to it.

I am so proud of you.

You really are a warrior at the moment and I don't think you will fully realise it yet - but you have shielded and protected your DTs and ensured that they feel loved and wanted and secure. Allowing that holiday would really have laid them emotionally vulnerable.

You are their rock Phee. They will always know that and the bond between the 3 of you will be so strong and comforting for you all..... Whilst H , well I have said it before and I will keep saying it - this is not his happy ever after. He is still in cloud cuckoo land - when the reality kicks in and the stress of them trying to create a "blended" family kicks in - he and WF will begin to have some significant difficulties, issues and arguments.

I have seen it all , and their tears will come when you are well on the road to recovery.

Sending hugs

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 05/06/2015 22:35

I am so bloody pleased and relieved Phee that you laid the law down about OW - I could cry - having done it myself I look back now and I am so proud and relieved that I fought like a bull to not let them see OW and her DC - I also used your words "over my dead body" because my ultimate goal was the welfare of our children.

I am so so pleased you have done that SmileThanks .

Jackw · 05/06/2015 23:33

I also think that delaying her meeting your little ones is protecting her son as well. Imagine how he would feel being expected to suddenly have to share his mum with this new man and then these two new very young children who will require a lot of attention. I can't imagine that he would enjoy a holiday like that. Surely, he will feel jealous of any attention she gives them and annoyed and bored at having to do things to fit in with their needs.

Your comment about them playing happy families - it is playing really, isn't it. All these adults following their selfish desires and pretending that the children will be OK if they spend money on nice holidays and decorating and have oh so civilised dinners together every week. I think they are delusional.

You seem like the only emotionally intelligent grown up amongst the lot of them. Your two are lucky to have you as their mum and not her.

HexBramble · 06/06/2015 07:54

Good point Jackw, you've saved that little boy from some added turbulence too, Phee. It's a lot for the innocents to get used to when selfish adults sweep in with their romantic notions far too early.

I like what Blessed said Phee - I don't think you realise what a warrior you are. But you will. Despite the pain and sorrow and confusion, you have added another layer of strength and resilience to your lives. You really are quite an inspiration.

Proud of you.

Dumdedumdedum · 06/06/2015 08:13

Sending hugs, Fab Phee. Try and enjoy the party. And, sorry to repeat myself, but could you perhaps ask your GP about counselling to help you come to terms with what has happened? It was such a bolt from the blue, in a way, it is like a sudden bereavement and you need to grieve for your marriage and the future you thought you would have - perhaps talking to a professional would help you to cope? Not that I don't agree with everyone else that you have achieved great things, but not feeling strong from time to time is natural in these circumstances and I just think it might be good for you to let it all out to someone on the outside (like you have been on MN, of course, but in person!).

Hope there is someone with you to do the handover today. I hope your little one's ear infection is better, but that she's maybe a bit fractious and that her twin is playing up and tiring today so that your H gets a taste of what it's like to be left all on his own to cope with two children.
Have a good week-end, look after yourself. You are really Fab, Phee! FlowersFlowersFlowersFlowersFlowers

Smooshface · 06/06/2015 13:37

My 6 year old has trouble sharing us with her own toddler sister, twin strangers stealing focus would be hard, I don't think they have thought enough about their impact, rather than thinking about cosy couples holiday they think they would get