Bugger. I said I wouldn't come on to mumsnet but he's just called me (no idea what to call him any longer).
He's realised what he's lost, he'll do anything to make it better, he wants to start spending time with me before we drift apart any longer, he realises how much of a power imbalance in the relationship there was and he knows he will need to spend the rest of his life working on himself.
He also said that he always comes out fighting when he's on the defensive and apologised for that anger.
He wants to spend more time talking before we drift apart any longer. He's been remembering what an amazing time we used to have together and doesn't want to lose me.
I basically said that we needed to spend time apart so that emotions would cool off, and that he may realise exactly what was at stake and give him the wake up he needed to do the work that was necessary. I said I'd been in a really bad place for months while the affair was going on, and that I was only just starting to find myself again and my sense of humour and zest for life. That I was in no rush because we need to build organically when we are both in a better place. And that I came away the other week certain that he was still seeing her and thought she had been down for the week. I said I asked to see his phone for a reason and that the trust will take a really really long time to repair.
I also said that finding out about the affair had given me the direction I needed to start putting myself first and enjoying life again, and I don't ever want to live my life being so low again.
He listened, and properly listened, to everything I had to say. And for the first time in a long time he was just him - none of the bravado.
Just as I am in the middle of not thinking about it.