I know it's late, but anyone there to console me? I am feeling sick to the stomach that I probably won't get justice :( (Trigger warning)

[keepingmum121]

Anyone there? I need to splurge.

Keeping, I have read your previous threads and I believe you.

I think you would benefit enormously from The Freedom Programme. It is for people who have been abused - in any way, physical, emotional, financial, sexual - and is to help you reset your boundaries. It seems you've been abused for so long and by so many 'significant others' that you have lost yourself. It will help you recognise abusers early on in your relationships (of any kind, friends, colleagues, lovers, family etc).

There is an online course, but if you can get to a rl one it is obviously better.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

I believe you too and in so sorry this has happened on top of the abuse. Ime you have to try everything you can to get justice to even start to be able to live with it.

Does anyone know how - in concrete, practical terms - keepingmum can best go about challenging the police decision not to pass the case to the CPS? Or who she could get this information from? I'm horrified that everything seems to hang on two police officers' assessment of how much a jury can be expected to understand about what is (IMO) a very normal reaction to an assault of this kind. A hug to you, keepingmum. I'm so unspeakably sorry you are going through this.

I'm sorry you feel tired and not at all surprised you are afraid, but I would like to encourage you to attend the assessment. Right now no doubt talking about any of it is the last thing you want to do, but take it from an old cynic who has had (different but similarly debilitating) issues that it is important to be seen to be engaging with sources of help - for more reasons than one. (I'm thinking in particular of people - some of them in a position to be helpful or very unhelpful - reckoning you can't be suffering that much if you couldn't even be bothered to attend a counselling assessment, when the precise opposite is true! And if you need it later down the line the door may be harder to open as you won't be seen as being in such immediate need, if that makes sense.)

Can your friend go along, even if only to hold your hand in the waiting room?

Thank you for the kind messages. I am trying hard to put one foot in front of the other. I can't let this finish me off. My poor lovely daughters. :(

@SameThing From the link Summerbreezer gave on the previous page:

"In cases where the police exercise their independent discretion not to
investigate or not to investigate a case further (whether in consultation with the CPS or not) and the CPS have not been requested to make a formal decision to charge, requests for review of such decisions must be addressed to the relevant Police Force"

I'm as astounded as you are that the police appear to have discretion not to prosecute in cases of serious crime.

However, I suspect that the decision in keeping's case was made in consultation with the CPS via phone calls without the case having been been formally referred as such.

If a letter to her regional Police and Crimes Commissioner cc'd to the Daily Mail her MP fails to produce a satisfactory response, keeping has the option to refer the matter to the Independent Police Complaints Commission.

I should say as well, that if the ERO (Evidence Review Officer) at the Investigating Police Force declines to charge, Keepingmum can then appeal to the CPS. I just want to say that in case there is anyone with a similar story reading the thread

If I appeal, won't that piss them off? I am scared. I just can't understand why they thought a jury would not be able to reach the truth. I must have reacted really really stupidly. Or maybe they think I should have guessed what he was like. I am an idiot.

What makes me fume is that in his interview with the police he said how he respects me and thinks I am a 'lovely lady'. But I'm mentally disturbed so I accused him wrongly.
However, to the church minister he was spitting with anger and hate towards me and thought I should pay for making such an allegation.

They didn't interview the minister. I thought they would interview more people, including him.

If I appeal, won't that piss them off? I am scared.

What are you scared of? The policeman/woman not liking you?

It may be worth asking them for an opportunity to sit down with them and put forward your point of view, including regarding people you think they should have taken statements from. That would give them a chance to explain their decision to you. You can take a friend along for moral support.

No-one here can tell you whether pursuing this further will help you or not. You need to decide whether it is more painful to leave it alone, or push it.

Please go to your counselling appointment tomorrow.

Don't worry about pissing people off. This is their job, to carry out reviews, make appeals, take statements, whatever.
Conserve your energy for recovery/therapy/DD's.
The rest is a matter of following the processes that are in place.

You don't have to make a decision now...counsellor may be able to help you explore this?

So shit you have to fight for everything in top of your ordeal.

((((((((Keeping))))))))

Keeping, we are with you, we believe you, and we know it wasn't your fault - none of it.

You are NOT stupid.
You are NOT an idiot.

You did not cause this.

Please go to your assessment tomorrow. Don't worry about what to say, and don't worry about being emotional or exhausted or numb or blank or whatever. Just tell them that's how you feel. Nothing you feel at the moment is wrong.

Thank you all for believing me. I am also grateful to the DC for telling me she does too. It meant a lot.

However, more than ever I want to get him convicted so he has to face what he did and get consequences.

Can this really be happening? I am in agony.

I emailed the DC to ask her to put in writing the reasons for rejecting my case. That way, I can think about each one more clearly. When I'm on the phone or talking to a person, I find it hard to remember all that was said when I'm churned up.

Then I will try to decide what to do.

If only this weight on my chest would lift :(

I'm here, Keeping, thinking of you whether I'm on MN or not. Holding your hand, always holding your hand.

If not for the bloody sertraline drugs, I'd be crying at that lovely message jux Thank you.
I will go to the crisis centre tomorrow. I'm scared though.

It's scary, Keeping. It's normal and healthy to be at least a bit scared of doing that. New, big, looking at things you'd much much rather be able to hide from and pretend they aren't true.

Do you think you might be able to sleep a little? At least try to rest. Have you got a book? I always fall asleep over a book as I find reading so restful and relaxing.

Or maybe some background music playing would be more relaxing? Hot milk, soft blanket? Bath with lovely smelly stuff?

I just had a luxurious bath. In bed now, but can't concentrate on my book.
Bit drunk, to be honest.

I have finally got to bed too. I'm reading The End of Mr Y. Haven't decided whether I like it or not, or at least whether I like it enough to remember the author's name and buy another but I only started it yesterday so early days.

Just popping on to say I've read your previous threads and I believe you

If you can't sleep and can't read then maybe you could try writing some of this down, on paper, and be as vitriolic as you need to be. I sometimes find it helps xx

Mine is 'The Distant Hours' by Kate Morton. Very modern for me. I usually only read old books - Victorian or earlier.
Same as you, only just started it.

Hello tracy. Do you mean my previous threads with my previous name? Thank you. x

Keeping, I fell asleep! I have to say night night now as I can't keep my eyes open. Sometimes, I find a lighthearted book helps more (Terry Pratchett or Aaronovitch or Jasper Fforde or Jane Austen) and sometimes an old fabourite that I have to concentrate on (Jane Eyre, Robertson Davies).

Hope you get some rest.

Keeping It is possible for a victim to appeal the decision for non-prosecution at CPS level. www.cps.gov.uk/legal/p_to_r/reconsidering_a_prosecution_decision/

If it has been rejected at police level then they haven't built a strong enough case to put it to the CPS.

So, that is where we start.

Think about any other evidence YOU have to corroborate your story (a diary, text messages, phone bills, conversations with friends/neighbours)

List any witnesses who have NOT been spoken to by the police.

I'll check back on this thread - or you can PM me.

Hi keeping. im sorry i havent been on this thread for a bit. Why on earth are they not talking to the minister