I know it's late, but anyone there to console me? I am feeling sick to the stomach that I probably won't get justice :( (Trigger warning)

[keepingmum121]

Anyone there? I need to splurge.

OP, you can appeal this decision by the CPS. You don't have to accept it.

It didn't even get to the CPS. The DI reviewed and knew we'd probably lose.
I can't appeal. I just haven't got it in me.

You've survived the worse thing. We'll help you if you want to proceed. You could speak to whoever is above the DI. Make them understand.

I have not survived. This will finish me.
I know they made the decision in my interests, because they want to spare me a court case that can't win. I won't argue.

The defence will always find something to 'plant doubt' - that's what they're paid to do.

Juries have proved themselves capable of understanding the most complex of cases.

Your case is straightforward and, in common with many other such cases where there are no witnesses to substantiate what took place, it comes down to who gives the most compelling account on the day.

Your regional police authority does not have a good track record in cases of this nature and, from what you've said, I'm unclear as to whether your case has been put to the CPS or whether it's a matter of a DI having decided not to put it forward for consideration.

If it has been to the CPS and they have made a decision not to prosecute, you can - and should - ask for the decision to be reviewed.

Are you saying you had bite marks which were not photographed by the police? If so, was this because you didn't tell them? Were photos taken of your other injuries?

Cross posted...

It's no wonder your RPA has such a poor track record if they're not putting cases of this nature to the CPS.

This isn't good enough. You must insist that the CPS are given the opportunity to review the case before the police tell the perpetrator that he won't be facing any charges.

You need to do whatever is right for you at the moment.

It's awful. This will be of no comfort to you but it's far worse if you go through the absolute trauma of a trial to hear that 12 of your peers don't think it was rape.

For what it's worth, I don't think it's the Police that are at fault as individuals (some are shit obviously but not all) .The coppers I know (I work in MH) suffer MH problems from the injustice of the way the law works and in your case - they believed you. But they also know a lot more about the legal system than you do.

When I was a community MH nurse I worked with a young man accused of rape. His solicitor advised him not to give a Police interview when he was in custody. He had mild LD and acting as his advocate I rang her to ask why she'd suggested that and she said ' because he'd incriminate himself'. When I asked if that was because of his LD and would be inaccurate? She said no, she practiced giving the statement with him and he made it clear he knew the victim didn't want to have sex. I admit I pressed her quite a lot before she said all this, as MH professional I'm used to asking the right questions to get to what is really happening.

He was eventually charged a year later and was convicted but my interactions with his solicitor fucked me up for a long time because it made me question everything about our legal system.

I believe that everyone is entitled to a legal defence and should be protected in law but not when the legal system (Courts, barristers, solicitors) bloody know the person is guilty (by their own admission).

But then it's hard. Many people have confessed to crimes they didn't commit due to pressure or MH issues. It's difficult to know where the line is (i've just talked myself round in a circle, I know).

Sorry OP. You will get through this. I sound glib but I've BEEN there. It's not about him any more, it's about you and your future.

Stay here with us. We believe you. We'll support you as much as we can.

OP, I am so very sorry for you - I am the criminal barrister who PM'd you a while back. You have been in my thoughts.

I would like to make two observations, if I may. Firstly, appealing involves no involvement from you - all you need to do is ask them to review the decision:

www.cps.gov.uk/publications/docs/vrr_guidance_2014.pdf

Please at least consider it, or ask someone to do it on your behalf. Not now, but when you've had some time.

Secondly, I wonder if you have pinned so much hope on a prosecution because a charge would convince YOU that he did it. I feel as if you doubt yourself so much that you want someone else to tell you what happened.

OP, I believe you, as do many here. As does the experienced copper who met you and spoke to you.

I have prosecuted and defended in many rape cases. Sometimes justice occurs, sometimes it does not (this applies with both guilty and not guilty verdicts).

Our justice system is valuable but imperfect. It would never have been able to give you the healing you crave. What if it did go to trial and he was found NG? I fear that would break you.

Do you have anyone with you?

I believe that everyone is entitled to a legal defence and should be protected in law but not when the legal system (Courts, barristers, solicitors) bloody know the person is guilty (by their own admission).

I am unable to put forward a positive defence when I have been given guilty instructions by a client. It is in our Code of Conduct. If you define "know" to mean "strongly suspect, but he denies it" then as you say, everyone is entitled to a legal defence.

Does anyone know if the fact that it got this far will stay on his record?

It will in the sense that if he has any further involvement with the police, it will flag up that he has been arrested for rape. There are cases of historic abuse where one person's complaint does not get prosecuted, but when others come forward in subsequent years they resurrect the initial file.

I don't think it would appear on things like CRB checks (or whatever they call it now).

Summer - Really sensitive and helpful posts. In this one instance I'm going on what's the solicitor said to me which suggested that he had given her information which suggested guilt though he would deny guilt if directly asked (as most people would) but in discussion with him it seemed less clear. I understand she was acting in the best interests of her client at the time and within the law.

I've spent a lot of time in Police interviews as an appropriate adult and in ongoing Court proceedings. On the whole, I have found most solicitors to be great. Not bashing you at all!.

Won't derail the OPs thread any more.

As you can see OP, many people from all sides of this process are supporting you.

A man here.

I believe you.

@Summerbreezer It's my understanding that if an alleged perpetrator is charged and the charge(s) are subsequently dropped, this will be shown on an enhanced CRB check with a note stating NC (no crime) or NFA (no further action).

However, if this particular perpetrator was arrested on suspicion and bailed and is now told he won't be facing charges, this won't be shown on a CRB check although of course, it will be recorded on the police national computer and his fingerprints and DNA will be retained in the databank.

Thank you everyone. My head is all over the place, I can't string together anything coherent to individuals quite yet.
My friend came round. She has left now.
I don't know what to do. If I appeal, I set myself up for another heavy blow as I had today when the appeal gets rejected.
But I am baffled.
I answer someone's question, my friend took the photos of the throat and thigh bruises but I was too embarrassed to mention about my breasts at that time. By the time I gave the police interview statement, they had faded anyway.

By the way, since when has there been a trigger warning on the title?

Do you think you could allow yourself a week/specified time period to rest/adjust to the findings and then divide if and how you will move forward with this?

You have come so far, could you take it all the way, as far as you can?
Then know you have done all you can do...I'm no expert and I don't want to push you. You may feel differently in weeks/months ahead?

I'm so upset, I don't know what to do with myself :(

I'm in disbelief. Six months of waiting and fearing this. Now it has happened. He actually gets away with it. What am I worth then?

I feel weak. How dare he?

Honestly, in my naive mind I thought that the truth would out when I reported him. I find it bad enough that he could lie and then brazenly continue to attend my church. Now I don't get the chance to tell what he did and get him convicted.

He is cruel. Does he even know what kind of damage he has done?

Is anyone there?

I'm here

How can I get better? I am so fed up of abusive men. First when I was 20 I was attacked and stalked. Then my h abused me in every possible way. Now this.

I have had threads before, under a different name (m o s p)

I didn't post this under that name because I was scared that mnetters might not believe me. After all, how much crap luck can one person have? Or am I causing it?

It's them who have the problem, not you.

I do a fair bit of work with females with substance problems and many, even most, have been in your position.

The thing that guarantees assault is running into a perpetrator...not what you look like, wear, say.

It is not your fault.

Oh, I hate him. I HATE him.

I hate him too.

I hope you don't mind but I asked mn to add the trigger warning. Just in case it saves someone some distress. I'm sure you wouldn't want that.

How do you get better? I don't know how to answer that I'm afraid. I wasn't as brave as you and told nobody

Oops pressed post too soon

I hope your counsellor can help. Have you approached any of the rape crisis charities?

Sorry for the lame advice. I just wanted you to know that I believe you, I'm listening and I care

I have just read the whole thread. I am so sorry that you have suffered so much. I have no experience, legal or otherwise, so I cannot say anything useful but just wanted to say that I believe you
Your children need you, please seek the help you need for their sake as well as your own xx

It's fine about the trigger warning. I just suddenly saw it there and wondered when that got added.

I am so tired. Couldn't sleep properly. My body doesn't want to move. Just can't scrape together enough energy to get started.

I have an initial assessment for crisis counseling on Thursday. Dreading it. May even cancel it. I just want to stuff this away now. I wish I had never reported it.