I know it's late, but anyone there to console me? I am feeling sick to the stomach that I probably won't get justice :( (Trigger warning)

[keepingmum121]

Anyone there? I need to splurge.

Thank you.

Still heard nothing :( I wonder if it'll be today....

If I hear nothing tomorrow I don't know whether to email and ask. I hate being a pain (though I know I am one).

Feel like the past six months have been spent only waiting for news on this issue.

I just want someone to come and tell me that justice will be done and the truth made known.
I cannot bear to think of him getting away with this. He was so unkind to me. He bit me and wouldn't let me go. I should have fought better but I wasn't processing. I just went numb.
He will do it again if he gets away with it and now he knows to be extra careful not to leave any incriminating messages and not to make bruises on the next person.
He's devious. :(

Oh my love

You are not a pain.

Why don't you give them a call / email and see what's happening?

Of course you are in no mans land, not knowing which way this will go.

As there were bruises, this is evidence surely? It might turn out that they help to get a charge.

Thinking of you

There were three finger print sized bruises running up the left side of my throat, and a whole load on my inner thigh but he says they're love bites or just that 'we' were passionate. He has an answer to everything.

I regret so much that I didn't photograph my breasts where he bit me. I was too embarrassed.

He's also very good at playing the victim, the 'wrongly accused' guy who they all pick on because of his race.

Well, that is up to someone else to decide...if you are saying it was non consensual and are bruised in keeping with a violent crime then that backs up your version.

it is positive (as positive as this wretched situation can be) that there is some good evidence here.

(((( Hugs ))))

I feel sick. So scared that the truth won't be made known. Even on here, you all don't know for sure that he did it. Any one of you could be on that jury (if it ever gets that far) and he would possibly cry and convince everyone that he did nothing wrong.
It makes me want to scream. WHY can't he just tell the truth and apologise? That is what I want more than anything.

Please stop stressing. You must understand your case is progressing very quickly in actual fact. It's been two years from reporting to court in my case and that was when all the evidence gathering had already been done.

It isn't something that can be rushed. I know the agony of waiting. I kept busy. Did a lot of baking.

I try. It is just hard, as you know. As far too many of us know.

Even as I am reading, writing, playing piano, baking and whatever else I do- this thing is hovering at the back of my mind and regularly hits me between the eyes.

Thank you all for your support.

It is always there but you do need to try and let it go for a while. Allow yourself a few moments to think about it then move on. It's the only way. It really is progressing quickly for you, you know.

I will have been waiting two years since report to court plus 30 years since the situation.

You need to try and turn your thinking around and instead say 'why would he tell the truth and apologise?'. Because doing that would mean he's admitting to rape and setting himself up for a prison sentence.

You won't get that admission of guilt. And you might not have the CPS pursue with a case.

And that's not because anyone thinks you're a liar. It's because it's a legal process and a legal process has to rely on their being enough evidence to proceed and convict.

Lack of that evidence doesn't mean it didn't happen - just that there isn't enough evidence for a legal process.

I'm not saying this to hurt you or because I don't believe you. I'm just worried that you're going to fall apart completely if you don't have the justice you want.

It might not happen. And you need to be prepared for that. But it means there isn't enough for the legal process. Not that it didn't happen or people don't believe you or don't care.

Update: He gets away with it. No justice for me. Nothing anyone can say will make me feel any better. It is over.

Have you been told he won't be prosecuted? If so, who told you and have you been given a reason for the decision?

I'm so sorry, love.

Making a better life comment is patronising bollocks. People who have been assaulted, abused, raped do not choose to not get over it, do not choose to find it difficult to live with. Do not choose to let it affect their life. Sometimes you just CAN'T get over it.

What has happened, keepingmum?

oh no! I am devestated for you. I could cry for you.

And I would also like to say, loudly so you can hear I BELIEVE YOU What a horrifying attack you suffered

I was raped as a teenager. Like you, I went limp, numb, didn't fight back. I felt guilty about that for a long time so I can totally relate to that feeling. But you know what, you were braver than me, you reported him. You fought back. You are braver and stronger than you think you are.

I am so so sorry for what you've been through nd continue to go through

Oh Keeping i can't imagine what you are going through.
What terrible news.
Huge huge hugs.

Could you phone the specialist number?
It's about your recovery now. Trying to get through this.

The DC told me that she can tell from looking at all the evidence that he did it. She absolutely believes me too, as does the DI who reviewed.

However, there are sticking points that the defense will use to plant doubt and she said a jury would not understand. Here are some examples I can think of:

1. I ended up cooperating
2. I was not direct and harsh enough when I confronted him
3. I was discombobulated at first and didn't tell the nurse who was treating me what really happened even though she asked.
4. I didn't report straight away (waited 8 days)
5. I had consensual sex with him (once, 5 days earlier)
6. my first concern the next day was to get contraception. I was just in practical gear.

So, even though I have photos of bruising and even written comments from him that make it clear he knows what he did, it is not enough.

He bit my breasts, shoved his hand up me, he was heavy on me and wouldn't let me go. He held my right arm down behind my head. He must have held my neck (I don't remember; must have dissociated. The bruises are clear though). When I said I needed a wee (to get away) he just said 'wee on me' and carried on. And he wasn't paying any attention to my voice, begging him nor my efforts to shove his hands away. He just acted like I was inanimate.

Now he denies it all. He gets away with it. Where does that leave me?

I can't even cry because I'm on sertraline. But I feel like I have a body made of lead. I can't get up from my bed. Got to make dinner, somehow.

Thank you for listening.

I believe you.

I'm horrified. All six of those are absolutely classic for rape. I hope the decision will be reviewed.

Does anyone know if the fact that it got this far will stay on his record? Because if so it could protect other women in future which would be a consolation.

Don't wish to talk anymore to you, marchart. Something need responding too.

I believe you.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

Sometimes things need responding too.