I know it's late, but anyone there to console me? I am feeling sick to the stomach that I probably won't get justice :( (Trigger warning)

[keepingmum121]

Anyone there? I need to splurge.

The only thing I can do is to try to avoid the supermarket. Did online shop today. I will avoid at all costs because I just know that if he has nefarious intent (not saying he does), I won't be able to escape. That is my life.

Still waiting to hear whether the police can charge the bastard or not. The waiting is so hard! I want to know but I don't want to hear that they can't charge him. It is horrible :(

It's not your life, no, but it may well be a way of looking after yourself right now. He doesn't need to have bad intentions for you to find his behaviour unacceptable and choose not to put up with it. Many people would just choose to avoid places where arseholes are, that is quite normal, it doesn't have to be an example to yourself of how weak and messed up you are if you don't let it.

Op, just before Christmas I reported my ex for raping me. The police women was wonderful but made me think he wouldn't be charged.

It took the CPS a few months to make a decision but they charged him last week. I was shocked tbh because I'd thought he wouldn't be.

It does take the CPS a while to come to a decision so try not to worry if you don't hear for some time.

Maybe I understood the DS wrong, but I was under the impression that the DI is now reviewing to even decide whether to send the file to the CPS. Does that sound right? It feels like there are loads of hurdles still to go :(

Also, do you know what actually happens when they charge someone? Do they attend his address and formally charge him?

I'm really sorry you have been through this.

I can't agree that people should not report it and think that is bad advice.

Ime getting justice goes a long way to finding a way to deal with an ordeal and you won't get that if you don't report.

It can take up to three months for a decision to be made, ime. I hope you hear soon and it is that this person will be charged.

He will be sent a summons through the post to attend court on x date where he will be charged. It can be via Royal Mail or hand delivered by the police.

The file has to be sent to the CPS. It's their decision wether to prosecute.

You know even if it doesn't go to court you've still done the right thing. It's about standing up for ourselves and saying we refuse to be treated this way. Also your allegations would stay on his file so if he did it to somebody else in the future it gives their report more weight.

Stay strong sweetheart xx

Really confused now. So, what is the DI deciding when she reviews? I was told that would be this week.

The DI will be looking at the report written by the DS to see if it is good enough to be sent to the CPS. The CPS will then decide whether to charge or not.

Oh :( I can't believe how many stages there are. This is doomed to fail. Then that man will carry on living his life, probably sneering at me and telling everyone that I made a false allegation.

How can these things ever be proved? There are only ever two people present and he had the advantage that he was prepared for what he planned to do to me. Crap :(

i have no evidence whatsoever against my ex other than my word. He has still been charged with 2 counts of rape and 1 of assault by penetration.

Do you know if he's been accused before of something similar? That can also help get a charge.

He does have a previous conviction but not for rape.

Well, that gives me some hope. Thank you so much.

I am sorry you went through that. How are you coping? Do you know when the trial will be?

I'm not too bad. I have had couselling through rape crisis and they've been amazing.

Ex appears at magistrates next week and it should then be referred onto crown court. I should know a date for his trial then.

This is such an awful, long process. I really feel for you, but you're absolutely doing the right thing.

Long process indeed! I reported in November and we're only just at this stage. It took 2 months to even arrest him! What county are you? I'm Nottinghamshire. Don't answer if you worry about being outed.
I am so pleased for you that they got a charge. You must have felt great relief, though the journey to justice is still long and uncertain. I hope the truth prevails for both of us and all victims of this horrible crime.

I'm in Cheshire. It was a relief, just being believed is a relief but the worries about having to testify in court have started now. I try not to think about it unless I have to because it's almost too much to handle sometimes.

You will get through this.

to both of you.

To be honest, if you only reported in November it is very quick to be at this point.

By its very nature, there are no witnesses when abuse and rape are committed.

I am really really grateful to the police for going to such trouble for me. I don't feel deserving at all.

Why not?everyone is deserving of justice.

That's just how I feel. I am always very grateful when people are kind. I was so stupid to get myself in a situation where he could harm me. Should have trusted my (skewed) instincts, then none of this would be happening.

KeepingMum, it happened because he is a bad person, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

Thank you.

Today I had a call from the crisis counsellor to book me for an initial assessment. So wearisome. Feels like I'm so needy and just taking taking taking. I want to give some sunshine and joy to someone.

Still no word from police. The waiting is breaking me.

Sorry for being so moany. I promise I'm not as bad as this in rl. Just I use this place to offload, knowing that no one needs to feel obliged to respond.

These services exist because perpetrators exist.
Better that there was no need for them but until that day, access all the help and support that you can.

Awful that you feel like a taker on top of everything else, please do not follow that thought. This is not your fault.
I think it's a good idea to get specialist help, so well done.

One day you will spread sunshine around. Right now, you need some help, and by accepting that help you are also giving the opportunity to others to spread their own brand of sunshine, to help you through the fog.

Moan here as much as you like or need to .