I know it's late, but anyone there to console me? I am feeling sick to the stomach that I probably won't get justice :( (Trigger warning)

[keepingmum121]

Anyone there? I need to splurge.

I still hold out a small, flickering hope that this can get to court.

Thank you for your support. I love you all.

OP im so sorry you are going through this. I believe you. Your friend really needs to educate herself because a lot of men can put on a facade for a long time before becoming abusive.

Chopin I believe you. What a bastard

OP what your friend is saying is that women should police mens behaviour which is misogynistic as well as utterly ridiculous.

I have deep deep respect for you keeping for reporting it, keeping. You are doing the right thing and gradually making life better for other women, even if it doesn't go to court which I damn well hope it does. I also hope he dies in a freak bow and arrow accident.

WHY is it that women who have been once assaulted stand a higher risk of history repeating itself? I should have been extra vigilant. I admit, I am an idiot. I console myself that it is better me than a young virgin (as I was when I was attacked 18 years ago).

Your friend's comment is offensive because it is victim blaming and because it minimises the seriousness of the crime.

My guess would be because being attacked once makes you more vulnerable in a variety of ways and therefore an easier target? But maybe someone with a psychology / police background will be along with a proper answer.

Ps sorry for repetitions in previous post - I can't edit, clearly.

She didn't mean any harm, but she just has no idea how it is. To her, it is easy to avoid, if you just follow the rules. My trouble is that I'm damaged beyond repair and I can't correctly or reliably 'read' men.

How can I become a 'less easy target'? It is so depressing. I fled from my ex h 12 years ago, yet still the damage of my history makes me vulnerable. I feel like I have a huge tattoo on my forehead that says' come and abuse me'

How can I become a 'less easy target'? It is so depressing. I fled from my ex h 12 years ago, yet still the damage of my history makes me vulnerable. I feel like I have a huge tattoo on my forehead that says' come and abuse me'

How can I become a 'less easy target'? It is so depressing. I fled from my ex h 12 years ago, yet still the damage of my history makes me vulnerable. I feel like I have a huge tattoo on my forehead that says' come and abuse me'

Your life experiences may have wounded you, but you are most certainly not damaged beyond repair, honey. Have you been in touch with Rape Crisis?

When do you expect the police to get back to you with the CPS decision?

And how did I post that 3 times??

Please please do NOT blame yourself It is the perpetrators of abuse who are ALWAYS at fault ALWAYS xxx

I have been told they will let me know this week or next. But I don;t hold my breath.

I won't contact the crisis place because I am phobic of that R word. I am trying to deal with the phobia and I can now read it. But I can't type it, say it or hear it. However, there are workers at the [name removed by MNHQ] who give me help when I require it.

I strongly feel that my only hope of healing is if he apologises, admits his wrong and gives me an explanation. I don't even wish prison on him, or any kind of harm or distress. I just want the truth and a reason.

Keeping Its NOWHERE NEAR what you have been through but i once dated someone who was slightly emotionally and financially abusive. Even though i ended it and deleted his number i drove myself mad with scenarios in my head with what i wanted to say to him and wishing i had an explanation from him. Drove myself mad for a year.

They never admit wrongdoing Keeping because they dont believe they are wrong and they use it as a power trip.

Please dont do this to yourself because he doesnt do apologies, truth or reason

But why? We all do wrong but I do know that I admit it when I behabe wrongly. Why can't he? This is destroying me :(

Because he very likely has sociopathic tendencies and his focus will only ever be on himself. People like this NEVER consider how their actions will affect or upset someone else.

Im so sorry you are going through all this OP He is scum.

Those very few rapists who apologise to their victims generally do so in the hope of being handed down a shorter sentence after they've been found guilty.

Your assailant clearly has no intention of admitting his guilt and my concern is that you have continued to worship in a place where it would seem inevitable that you will see him on a regular basis

Have you confided in the vicar/pastor/priest, or in any other members of the congregation? Have you considered worshipping elsewhere, at least until such time as you can gain some perspective on an incident which occurred through no fault of your own?

This will only "destroy" you if you let it. As the written word can so easily be misconstrued in these particularly sensitive situations, please reach out to a Topaz worker and let them give you the real life support you need to come to terms with your assailant's lack of remorse.

Above all you need to fully embrace the fact that, regardless of the circumstances, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT that you fell victim to a predatory male.

Yes, the minister knows what he did and has spoken to him. He flatly denied it and dared me to report him. Well, I don't think he was really expecting that I would!

My church is like a family to me. I couldn't just leave and go elsewhere. He should be the one to go, but I don't want to make him go. It could have been a bail condition had I requested it, but I felt bad so I didn't make the request. Tbh, I wasn't expecting him to brazen it out as he has.

I am still (im)patiently awaiting the decision from the detective inspector on whether to charge him.

Thank you for your support. It is good to have somewhere to rant.

OP, there are a lot of reasons why those who have been previously abused/assaulted are more likely to fall victim again.

The first and probably most common is that after the first time we experience abuse/assault, we are not supported. We are told, or tell ourselves, that our feelings are meaningless, that we invited the attack, that we are disgusting victims, that we were "asking for it". The lack of self-worth that this leads to can end up with us getting into relationships with abusive men, because we don't believe we deserve any better.

Secondly, we are more likely to be paralysed with fear by abusive behaviour, and far more unlikely to fight back or to run. Our brains are complicated, and when there has been a trauma in the past, it can do some really strange things to the thought processes. Sometimes we go into survival mode and the brain just overrides everything and basically says "Don't fight, just go with it because he might kill you."

I would very much recommend reading The Gift of Fear which can help you start trusting your intuition and look for those hidden signals and react in a positive way (e.g. by walking away or calling for help without that fear paralysis.)

It is possible that the statistics for repeat crimes could be skewed as these are statistics from women who report!
Keep on reporting. Keep telling. Keep speaking out. Don't lose your voice.

When will you get your decision if they will charge or not?